General Question

RiRi's avatar

How do you deal with people who take you for granted?

Asked by RiRi (10points) May 26th, 2009

I feel I’m being taken for granted. I don’t want to annoy the other person but want that person to know that I have feelings, I get hurt and I cry when I am taken for granted. How do I make this known to the person? How do I tell them not to take me for granted?

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

10 Answers

evelyns_pet_zebra's avatar

I had a friend like that. I used to drop everything when he cried for help. I finally decided my time was worth more than baby-sitting him, so the next time he called, I told him I was busy and would stop by if I got the chance. I of course never got the chance.

He stopped calling. People that take you for granted aren’t friends. They are users and manipulative bastards and you should think about widening your circle of friends.

Response moderated
Dog's avatar

The best way to be appreciated is to take yourself out of the situation for a while. This gives the other person a perspective.

As an example I sometimes take my spouse for granted. This happens often in close relationships. When my spouse is gone on a business trip I suddenly realize all the small things that my spouse does every day because I am the one now doing them.

If removing yourself does not work to open the eyes of the person you refer to then perhaps you need to re-evaluate the relationship which may be irreparably one-sided.

CMaz's avatar

You tell them. And then you scrape them off the bottom of your shoes. People like that will always do it, and will do it again when given the opportunity
And yes, some people do make mistakes and it might have just been a bad call that ended up with you being the one holding the bag. It happens, but, you alone will have to decide that..

chelseababyy's avatar

I let them know how I feel. If they don’t make any progress or change, I say my goodbyes. Most of the time people like that can and won’t change, it’s sad, but better late than never to let go, before you get too deep.

VS's avatar

Either take a course in assertiveness training or simply learn to say ‘no’ on your own. People who take you for granted will only do so for as long as you allow. Once you put a stop to it by letting your uh, friend (?) know that you will not jump each time they call or always be available for whatever they require of you, then it will stop. Remember you cannot change the other person’s behavior ~ you can only change your reaction to their behavior.

hitomi's avatar

I agree with what most everyone here has said, but I think it’s also possible to, while making yourself LESS available to them, possibly trying to make some demands of your own. If you’ve never ASKED that person to be there for you then it’s not THEIR fault that you’ve always been there for them and not the other way around.

I have a problem asking for help or a shoulder to cry on, but I am always available for all of my friends. If I start feeling like they’re abusing my presence and taking me for granted I distance, but I also know that in all of those relationships if I ever needed something my friends would be there for me. If it’s NOT a double-sided relationship than it REALLY isn’t healthy and you might, as others have suggested, consider re-evaluating the “friendship”.

DrasticDreamer's avatar

I don’t. I reached the conclusion that past a certain point, it’s not worth it to waste my time on someone who doesn’t care about me.

mrwhoopie's avatar

Honesty is always the best policy. You can tell them politely and if they truly are your friend they will respond positively. If not then you are both better off.

Response moderated (Writing Standards)

Answer this question




to answer.

This question is in the General Section. Responses must be helpful and on-topic.

Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther