General Question

Johno666's avatar

Im in love with my best friend & she is a lesbian, what do I do?

Asked by Johno666 (95points) May 26th, 2009

We are always together, never apart, we adore each others company, but cant be together, Im so confused.

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

40 Answers

hug_of_war's avatar

Can I assume you’re of the male persuasion?

Johno666's avatar

Yes, definetly, I ommitted that little detail.

The_Compassionate_Heretic's avatar

You can’t make her straight. It doesn’t work like that.

DarkScribe's avatar

Have a sex change operation and become a lesbian? I have a number of lesbian friends, I think that you should tell her. Sometimes they can become “friends with benefits” it depends on the girl.

Ivan's avatar

Just tell her.

Aethelwine's avatar

Be her best friend. That’s all that you can be.

cwilbur's avatar

Accept that she is not interested, and move on.

Tink's avatar

Tell her how you feel. Maybe she will like you too

Johno666's avatar

That’s all well & good for the short term, We are going away in august, & it will be very confusing & strange! She knows how I feel.

Tink's avatar

What did she tell you?

Randy's avatar

Watch the movie Chasing Amy?

The_Compassionate_Heretic's avatar

Watch this video from Weezer.
It’ll help you through this.

Darwin's avatar

Just tell her. Maybe she isn’t lesbian but actually bisexual. Or maybe she is a good enough friend that she can help you get over your crush and keep on being friends.

Johno666's avatar

Seen chasing Amy, going through it right now, call me Holden. lol. She wants to remain friends, Im the very first person that she came out to, Not even her family know. Its a weird position to be placed in!

steve6's avatar

Find a girl you both like and try to have a three-way relationship.

Tink's avatar

@steve6 – What kind if relationship?

Johno666's avatar

Ive been put into that position before & the only thing that comes out of it is pain, sounds like fun at first but it’s not all its cracked up to be!

steve6's avatar

A complicated one.

Johno666's avatar

Too many agendas at work, definetlt too complicated.

Tink's avatar

Yeah it would be complicated

wildpotato's avatar

Interesting. I am female and in love with my (male) gay best friend. Actually he is now my former best friend, I f***ed it up. It is a bad situation to be in, good luck to you.

Tink's avatar

Most gay guy are kind of cute huh ^_*

Johno666's avatar

Problem is that we have sooo much in common, its scary. The only problem is sexual orientation. She is too good a friend to risk losing, is it worth losing a best friend for basically just sexual desires?

Tink's avatar

No I don’t think it is would you just be satisfied with that?

Johno666's avatar

Well I dont have a lot of say in the matter.Id find a way to be happy. But you dont have to be sleeping with someone just to care about them!

Tink's avatar

I know but I don’t know what else to tell you other than good luck

steve6's avatar

I thought he looked like Warren Beatty, now I get it. You’re Faye Dunaway.

steve6's avatar

@Johno666 You have to deal with the fact that she will have a lover.

Johno666's avatar

jonsblond – What is GA

Aethelwine's avatar

Great Answer!

loser's avatar

Same thing here. Take it from me, give up any ideas of being with her.

Jack79's avatar

Nothing to do. If your best friend was a gay man and he was in love with you, would there be anything in the world he could do to persuade you to change? If she’s really a lesbian, then dating her is not even theoretically possible. Accept her as she is, remain her friend, and find someone straight instead.

DrasticDreamer's avatar

Awesome answer, Jack79. Puts it into perspective for him, a little better, I think!

dynamicduo's avatar

Watch Chasing Amy. Then realize that it will never happen, thus there is nothing to do here beyond being her friend and finding someone else to channel your romantic feelings to.

cak's avatar

Well, you already have your answer. She knows how you feel and still only wants to be friends. I think you must be a wonderful guy that she feels so comfortable that she can come out to you. It’s probably going to be very important and necessary to separate some of your time from her, so you can find someone for you. Leaving things the way they are, you are going to get hurt and I’m sure she doesn’t want that, and neither do you.

She is a lesbian and not interested, it’s very simple. You can be her best friend, but that is all you will ever be. If you can remain her true best friend and not get these feelings intermingled and cause conflicts in the future, then stay that way. Allow yourself room, though. Best wishes.

Darwin's avatar

@Johno666 – You asked “Is it worth losing a best friend for basically just sexual desires?” The answer is no, it isn’t. You can find lovers everywhere. Best friends are a lot harder to come by. Continue to be the supportive person you have been and find someone else who is attracted to you to have a sexual relationship with.

Buttonstc's avatar

Buy the dvds for every season of Will and Grace and watch them together (maybe one or two episodes a night or so) and have a few good laughs. Realize you are not the only one and don’t let sex ruin a good friendship. It is possible for the two of you to be lifelong friends and not just because a Hollywood sitcom depicts it.

Actually a little bit of trivia to cheer you up here——one of the guys who created the show is gay and the entire premise was based upon his own experiences with his best friend from college and they remain good friends to this day. So you very literally aren’t the only one and is possible to not ruin your friendship.

You do need to face reality so that you can then be open for the right straight woman to come into your life. It may take a little time and it is undoubtedly painful to go through but don’t give up on your friendship. As Darwin pointed out, best friends are hard to come by.

alive's avatar

(sorry to copy everyone but when i read the question i couldn’t resist)

1) watch chasing amy,
2) sulk,
3) get over it.

i am also in love with my best friend. i’ve never bothered to mention it to her. if the possibility ever arose, i would drop everything. but until then (which i assume is never) i am living my life. cant be stuck on something that will never happen. (damned if you do, damned if you don’t). sucks.

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