General Question

tinyfaery's avatar

Same-sex couples (or the currently lgbt single): to what extent do you conform to typical gender roles?

Asked by tinyfaery (40478points) May 27th, 2009 from iPhone

My wife and I are true partners. We share most responsibilities, like laundry, cleaning, taking care of our furry babies, etc. She takes out the trash and does the heavy lifting, and I make sure the bills are payed and keep track of birthdays and such. But, the tasks that we have divided are not so much based on gender, but more on who is good at what.

Do you find you tend to fall into gender stereotypes when in a relationship, or not. Instances and opinions would be greatly appreciated.

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14 Answers

casheroo's avatar

Can I just say, I wouldn’t have pegged you for the “woman” in the relationship? You do all the things I do in my marriage, and your wife does the things my husband does.
I’m not gay, but I have noticed with one of my male gay friends that he always takes on the more feminine role in relationships. He’s in a serious relationship currently, and it is obvious what his role is. I’ve never asked him how it happened.

fireinthepriory's avatar

I do tend to fall into the female gender stereotype, and usually date women who are a bit more stereotypically masculine than I am, but they’re not usually all that stereotypically masculine in general. I’m not particularly strong, so lifting might be relegated to my partner (if I have one and if she’s stronger than me – if not we suffer together), and I’m good at baking and cooking so I tend to do a lot of the food-making when in a relationship. It’s pretty evenly split though, I’d say – like you said, I tend to do the things I’m good at. Tasks get broken up that way most of the time.

tinyfaery's avatar

Boo….!! Only 2 people, and really only one, answered my question.

@casheroo You’d think I’m the girl, but she’s the cook and homemaker. We really don’t follow any gender roles in our relationship. This was kind of the point of my question. Oh, well. Maybe I worded it badly. :(

Jude's avatar

It all depends on who I’m with. Sometimes I’m the “girl” with one partner (gardening, and all or most of the domestics) and other times I be the one changing the fuses and fixing the “running” toilet with another.

casheroo's avatar

@tinyfaery I don’t view being the cook as a feminine gender role, because I think the man should be in the kitchen. I have issues with that one lol

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

I hate gender roles
and my partner does as well
therefore whatever we do, we just do
he stays at home with the kids now
but it used to be me before
he used to work before
now i work
in everything else, we switch up
i’m queer, he doesn’t really care to label his sexuality
in sex, we’re equal, like in life
he’s dominant sometimes, i’m dominant some other times
we both like aggression, ambition, drive, passion and inspiration
as a person he’s way calmer than I am

Elerie's avatar

Me and my girlfriend don’t really conform to the so called typical gender roles. I find it slightly iratating when a male coworker of mine states that i wear the “pants in the relationship” just because i look alittle more masculine than my gf.
We share household chores evenly. Sometimes i do more one week than she does, sometimes she does more. We know what eachother likes and doesnt like in regards to those chores. For instance, she hates drains and such so i clean the toilet, tub and sink and i particularily dont like vacuuming and dusting so she does that. She does the bills because she has an affinity for math (whereas i am horrible at counting to ten without using my fingers lol), and i like cooking because i’m fairly good at it.
I find that i have a deep respect for all people who step out of their gender roles and do what feels good or right for them, whether they’re gay or straight.

tinyfaery's avatar

@elerie Thanx. And welcome to fluther.

Kayak8's avatar

I like that, as a lesbian in a relationship, our gender roles are NOT assumed and we actually get to pick the things that we each enjoy (or hate less) than the other person. Curiously, we both do some very girly girl things (e.g., sewing, knitting) but she can cook (I can only heat), we both do heavy lifting, we both can swing a hammer with the best of them. We really do get to pick and that is part of why I consider it to be so wonderful. Nothing is assumed, we get to discuss and make choices that are beneficial to us both.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@Kayak8 now why can’t all couples do that? :)

Kayak8's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoir I wish they would! They certainly have the ability and skills, maybe just not the same motivation . . . LOL

zen_'s avatar

Single dad. I run a tight ship. That includes cooking and cleaning, sometimes.

Jude's avatar

Current relationship: She a bit more mechanically inclined than I (I’m learning, though), so, when it comes to household repairs/car, she’d be the one to do it. I love cleaning. And, I do a better job, so, I have no problem taking on that role. We both cook, we both pay the bills, we both do the heavy lifting, the painting, etc.

We’re both feminine women (I am more so), but, I’m not girly. Nor is she. I tend to be the more dominate one when it comes to sex, she is quite submissive. That’s the way that we like and it works really well for us. I’m also more outgoing/outspoken than my SO.

iamthemob's avatar

Just found this question – love it. My boyfriend and I split out household duties based mostly on who’s busier. Or who feels like cooking.

However, we both conform to stereotypical MALE roles, which is still kind of annoying. Neither of us wear dresses…both of us yell on the street at idiot drivers and have no problem getting physical…both of us belch and show ourselves to be uncouth. Regardless of how we react to each other, we still consider ourselves boys…but why should we?

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