General Question

Mushy99's avatar

To all women, what is the single most thing a bloke can do to get you to agree to go on a date?

Asked by Mushy99 (156points) May 31st, 2009

Think of a night out in a club or something, you are with your friends having a drink and a guy fancies you but not sure how to approach you. What can he do to get your attention and agreement for a date.

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24 Answers

Darwin's avatar

Join in with the conversation and be interesting, pleasant, and polite, with a good sense of humor (in my case a witty one). Of course, it would help if you also are not creepy and have paid attention to personal hygiene.

Mushy99's avatar

Darwin, How do you join in the conversation when you’ve not even been invited. That in my opinion is a bit creepy too. Personal Hygene – LOL

Mushy99's avatar

Chyna, it’s not for me as I’m happily married and with kids, however my friend has the following problems:

1.) He’s not the best looking guy.
2.) Not had much experience as far as I can tell.
3.) Doesn’t get out much (but I’m trying to correct that one)
4.) A bit overweight.
5.) A bit geeky, but none the less quite funny.
6.) No confidence with women.

BUT a great guy. Just not very happy as he’s single. Can anyone help him or is it a lost cause.?

Darwin's avatar

@Mushy99 – Say something on the order of “May I join you?” or “Excuse me, did you say you are from California (or like sushi or write C++ or play Halo or or whatever conversational tag works and is true). Well, so am I! May I join you?”

He might want to look for a club or a group activity centered around something he is interested in and thus get to know women who have a similar interest. After all, there are female geeks in this world who are also looking for companions.

My parents met because they were both chemical engineers. My husband and I met because we were both interested in cooking, Asian culture, and had a friend in common who introduced us. Other people meet their SO in the military, at work, while bird watching, in the chess club, and many other ways.

Contrary to popular belief, places that serve alcohol are not necessarily the best spots to find a long-term girlfriend.

Mushy99's avatar

I think it’s a lot harder than it used to be. I never had any problems.

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

Your friend needs to practice a few things first and become comfortable with them:

Be able to look at a woman/girl he’s interested in and smile at her so she knows for sure he’s smiling at her at not in her general direction

Geeky, shy, nerdy, whatever but he needs to at least establish when a woman/girl gives him a reciprocal smile and glances. Once he’s figured that out then he can approach with a line about, “if you’re available, may I call you to take you out sometime?”, something like that.

Mushy99's avatar

“may i call you to take you out sometime?” sounds a bit boring to me. If there are two blokes and they both used that. I think the other would get the date, so my friend needs something a bit better to give him a fighting chance.

There must be something that he can say / do, to make a women go WOW. Cool guy.

Darwin's avatar

Offer them a ride in his Lamborghini.

No, seriously, he really needs to find a place where the women have some interest in common with him, so he can have an enjoyable discussion on some mutually fascinating topic. Then the “May I call you?” line is much more likely to be well received.

What does your friend do for a living? For an avocation?

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

Mushy99: Simple and sincere goes a lot farther than puffery or desperate slickness, especially for an inexperienced guy, start him gently.

Bobbydavid's avatar

What a tough question. It is harder now apparently so….........
Does he have a problem with confidence?

Mushy99's avatar

Darwin, Bobbydavid,

He’s a programmer and has got a big problem with confidence.

jbfletcherfan's avatar

I’m not in the dating market, but a sense of humor attracts me before anything else does. Make me laugh & I’m hooked.

Judi's avatar

Brushing his teeth, showering and putting on a little deodorant doesn’t hurt.

veronasgirl's avatar

Honestly, there is no one specfic thing a guy can do to get my attention. For me, the guy has to somehow prove that he is different from the jerks that I have dated, if he makes the effort to do this somehow, I“m hooked.

PandoraBoxx's avatar

Good eye contact and a comfortable smile, says something interesting.

filmfann's avatar

I found there are three things women want to know about you before they go out with you.
Are you a jerk?
Are you fun to be with?
Will my friends think I am stupid to go out with you?
You don’t have to be THE ONE, you just have to be cool enough.

rooeytoo's avatar

If he has his heart set on a supermodel, he is probably out of luck. If he just wants to meet a normal female, as they said above, be neat and clean and polite. Just ordinary, everyday adult behavior.

I think bars are not the place to go, too much posturing, but there are usually singles dances most areas, some of them are good. Or take a class in something, take your dog to obedience. Get out there and mingle. If you want to be loved, love!

Darwin's avatar

Sometimes programmers are also good with languages. If he is one of those, then he might consider taking evening courses in whatever language most appeals and then get to know fellow female students.

Sometimes there are organizations or clubs for folks who like Linux or Unix or writing games or some other aspect of programming. While most members are not female it wouldn’t hurt to get involved with a group like that. After all, many of the male members may have sisters, and there is always the possibility of a female member.

Is there anything he does besides programming? If he doesn’t already have one he may want to take up a hobby such as photography. Again, joining groups of folks interested in photography can lead to meeting women with similar interests.

There are any number of interest groups out there where the subject of the group is a built-in conversation starter. Then, once those involved can see what the others are like, the request to go out for a meal or a drink can be made and accepted more easily.

I strongly believe that he would be able to overcome his lack of self-confidence more easily if he has something to talk about on which he is an expert and which his audience wishes to discuss as well. So instead of “looking for love” he needs to look for people with common interests to his and then see what develops over time.

La_chica_gomela's avatar

When some friends first introduced us, my SO told me (with conviction) that I was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. It worked! :D

(To speak to the specific circumstances you described, I agree with @RooyToo and others that it sounds like bars are not the best place for him to meet someone special that he’ll actually have anything in common with. Try to introduce him to your geeky female friends and get him to think about talking to and/or asking a woman out at the type of events he would like, such as…well I don’t know what he likes, but you said geeky so I’ll just say star wars conventions, video game stores, etc.

It’s really ncie of you to try to help a friend, but don’t feel too bummed out if he doesn’t change. Some things people have to figure out on their own.

kayysamm's avatar

If a guy is trying to get me to notice him or ask me out on the date he btter not just try to sit and have a conversation. Im not into that.

The only thing that guy has to do is do somethign completely out of the normal and make me notice him in a positive way. Get my attention and hold it with being different. When you ask me out and i think about it, im most likely going to compare you to the others guy trying to date me. but if you stand out in my mind then your a winner


Mushy99's avatar


It’s that “something out of the norm” bit I’m trying to come up with for him. I’m just drawing a blank. :)

kayysamm's avatar

To get someone of to notice you in a positive way you have to make them smile.

I remember iw as out to dinner one night with a group of girlfriends just having a night out and there was a table of guys about two tables away one of them wrote me a note with a crayon on a napkin and had the waiter bring it over to me. all it said was ” I think you are stunningly beautiful, look up to see who i am” i saw who he was and he just smiled and gave a little wave. I got up walked to their table and ended talking to the guy and his friend for two hours about the randomness stuff but he made me smile. he asked me out on another date and i figured how could i say no.

It was that little thing that made me notice him in a different way.

think of somehting creative or something you would like someone to do for you and most likely if the person you do it to finds its cute and creative then they will get along with you (most likely)

Best of luck :]

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