General Question

icepebbles's avatar

What is so (romantically) appealing about "crazy" women?

Asked by icepebbles (80points) June 1st, 2009

First off, I realize that not every man is a crazy-chaser, so answering that you happen to prefer a woman with her feet planted firmly on the ground isn’t helpful. But there are a lot of guys who go for the nutty chicks, and I’m interested in discussing why this might be.

I suppose I should also define what I mean by “crazy.” This definition could be accompanied by a psychological illness, but is not necessarily always represented by a diagnosable issue. “Crazy” girls are simply those that most people might consider off their rockers, at times. They could be destructively selfish, incapable of true honesty, obsessed with themselves, or unable to control their tempers. They might also have extreme trouble getting their shit together and respond irrationally to normal situations or any combination of the above.

Every woman I’ve ever known to fit this definition has always had very many men “in love” with her. These crazies would also cause men to fall for them far more quickly and deeply than the average woman. It even seemed that some of the men would know the woman was crazy and not care (“I know, but I love her.”)

Some crazy women that I knew would be incapable of maintaining a relationship, thus, allowing a new guy to fall for her every month and discarding him shortly afterward (only for his obsession to linger), and others maintained long, but largely dysfunctional, relationships with those that fell for them. Either way, as I mentioned, these girls always had guys falling for them far more quickly and deeply than their equally attractive (but normal) counterparts. I should also mention that the men who fall for them are typically quite normal. Finally, the age group of which I’m speaking is in the 24–35 range.

I hope other people have observed this phenomenon and have some interesting insight to contribute.

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48 Answers

DarkScribe's avatar

The strange noise they make?

I think that some of them arouse the “protective” instinct in a man, make him feel needed and masculine. They are also unpredictable and don’t follow conventional logic and so keep a man on his toes in the relationship.

qualitycontrol's avatar

Not a phenomenon…We are attracted to crazy women because we think we can fix/help them. Men like fixing things. Also, many good looking girls lack personality because they get men based on their looks alone. A crazy girl usually has a hell of a personality and is a lot more fun to be with, the hot girl may be boring and/or brain dead…If the girl is good looking and crazy then that’s a winner and we fall “in love” lol. Does this answer your question?

IchtheosaurusRex's avatar

Some men are attracted to vulnerability. Either because they want to exploit it, or because they want to possess it.

hug_of_war's avatar

The same reason some women go for the bad guys – people think they can reform others, that they will change at some point. But just as bad guys are more fun, so are crazy girls. Eventually the otther person wants more though, but they think they can change the other person to fit their ideal.

filmfann's avatar

That, and unstable women fuck like bunnies.

DarkScribe's avatar

@filmfann That, and unstable women fuck like bunnies.

They crawl into a hole in the ground and have sex with rabbits? How weird.

oratio's avatar

I don’t know. I just know I mistakenly had a child with one of them. In retrospect I see how crazy she was. The whole relationship centered around her, and what she wanted, including physical abuse of me. Counting on that I wouldn’t hit back kept it going.

My son is fantastic, and his mother a good mother. Feeling lonely is never a good reason to have sex, especially drunk and without a condom.

whatthefluther's avatar

@sccrowell is both beautiful and crazy and I highly suspect she would say something similar about me. I have no desire to fix her, reform her or control her….hell, I wouldn’t know where to start! I enjoy the excitement of her unpredictable nature among many, many other things.

bezdomnaya's avatar

GQ for the sheer well-wordedness of the question and intriguing topic of discussion

wundayatta's avatar

In the case of bipolar women (and men), heightened sexual interest is a symptom of the disease. Also, when manic, people, in general, have a heightened energy which, I think, makes them more attractive than usual. I think there is an intensity that can often be expressed through the eyes, or in words or in writing, and a focus on certain topics that cut through people’s barriers concerning personal issues very quickly.

Bipolar has another symptom, and that is low self-esteem, and a feeling that there is never enough love. We seek out lovers to build us up; to make us feel like we are people, not just junk. It never works, but all the same, it is a powerful urge. Perhaps we don’t know of any other way to make ourselves feel good.

I know when I was sick, I had a great deal of success with women—more so than at any other time in my life, and more than I could imagine ever having if I were not sick. I’m pretty sure it’s the same thing with bipolar women.

I don’t know about the men who get involved with the women, but I’m sure if the women want to be fixed (with love) then the men want to fix them. I suppose it works the other way around. The women wanted to fix me, and this was at a time when I was more self-absorbed than any other time before or since. Not only was I crazy, the whole situation was crazy.

Sometimes two bipolar people get together, but I don’t know about that. I only know of one relationship, and that’s a pretty strange one, even by my standards. The problem there, which may also be a strength, is that they both know all the ways in which our thinking is dysfunctional (symptoms).

I’m pretty sure the same kinds of things apply to other mental illnesses, from anorexia to obsessive compulsive disorder. As to crazy women who are not mentally ill, I won’t venture a guess.

evolverevolve's avatar

Because it’s a lot more fun than hanging out with a square, you never know what’s going to happen next. They tend to be a bit more on the freaky side too…

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

you say crazy like it’s a bad thing
i’ve been the best they’ve ever been with

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

Okay, on a serious note – I think some people go for people who are ‘crazy’ because they’re tired of convention, of pretense – in people whose emotions are up and down, at least it’s genuine, some of the time, and people are attracted to that – attracted to feeling alive

oratio's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoir I think crazy can mean good and bad qualities. Crazy as in nuts, is not so cool. Crazy as doing the unexpected and living a vibrant and spontaneous life is very good.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@oratio Some people have called me crazy – to them, I am
doesn’t help that I’ve been crazy (postpartum depression, anxiety, etc.) but I’ve tried hard to not spill that over into my relationships – but some people think I’m crazy in terms of how I lead my relationships – how I risk myself and my heart, how I’m polyamorous sometimes, how we have an open marriage with my partner, etc.

I’ve always been an eye-opening experience to the people I mention – and I know that for the time I was with them, we all lived

TaoSan's avatar

She doesn’t own a dress
Her hair is always a mess
If you catch her stealin’
She won’t confess
She’s beautiful.

Smokes a pack a day
Wait that’s me, but anyway
She doesn’t care a thing about that, hey
She thinks I’m beautiful.

Meet Virginia

She never compromises
Loves babies and surprises
Wears high heels when she exercises
Ain’t that beautiful?

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@TaoSan save for the high heels during exersize, that’s me

Jack79's avatar

Without even reading the details of your question, I can give you a simple answer: it’s the “damzel in distress” syndrome, and I’ve suffered from it, even consciously, most of my adult life.

Men are problem-solvers. We think of ourselves as knights in shining armour, that go out to save women from whatever trouble they got themselves into, whether it’s a flat tyre or an abusive husband. We don’t necessarily have ulterior motives (most men will stop and help a woman whose car has broken down, even if they’re happily married and will never see that woman again). I don’t know if it is social or natural, but “doing the right thing” is part of our psyche. The satisfaction of becoming someone’s hero, even for a minute, is an end in itself.

Which is of course the appeal of any woman with problems to solve (including the “crazy” ones as you call them). The love of my life was an alcoholic, which just goes to show…

TaoSan's avatar

I think for the sake of the thread we need to separate the “crazy” ones from the “broken” ones.

Crazy = yummy
Broken = run

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

I’ve used broken to describe myself
but not in the way that I think you mean it

TaoSan's avatar


Yes. I was just trying to separate the “damsel in distress complex” some guys have from the fascination and attraction the “Virginias” of this world exude :)

Catalina_Lovely's avatar

I think it kinda goes back to the whole “people want what they cant have” and a “crazy” girl is more wild and free spirited and is more of a challenge to contain if she is so spontainous and living in the moment.Guys like adventure and a crazy-girl is not boring.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

I love your avatar

susanc's avatar

My theory: People are attracted to intensity. We don’t think of it as “craziness” till it’s too late.

People who want to rescue come in both/all genders. When we go to AlAnon meetings, we’re pretty dull compared with the people we’re there “because of”. Sigh.

Poser's avatar

Wait, you mean there are girls who aren’t crazy? Get out!

wundayatta's avatar

@susanc I think that caretakers for “sick” people can have very interesting lives. Perhaps too much so.

_bob's avatar

Your question has been answered before.

cyn's avatar

Crazy Bitch by BuckCherry. lmfao. @icepebbles: i think it’s because you like being entertained with whatever that entertainement might be. You just like a random girl.

The_Compassionate_Heretic's avatar

Some men like women who aren’t “vanilla”, as it were. We sometimes go for the crazy because we think it’ll be a fun thing. We see the crazy fun when we’re out partying but after the party, the crazy is still there. Having been with a crazy person, I can say it is not as fun as the fantasy. Mostly it’s depressing.

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

Every man wants to tame a wild horse at least once in his life.

whatthefluther's avatar

I don’t look to break a woman’s spirit…I like that spirit and rather enjoy the ride and will hold on tight to avoid being thrown off…wtf

nikipedia's avatar

This is a GREAT question and something that my girlfriends and I have discussed at length. I feel like I have been on both sides of the crazy fence and men have definitely been more inclined to swoop down and try to take care of me when my life was fucked up. It has been really frustrating and insulting to those of us who worked hard to be normal and not treat guys like shit to watch them chase down the crazy girls who jerk them around.

So, theories:

1. I think there are a lot of really hot crazy girls who aren’t hot because they’re crazy, but are crazy because they’re hot. If you’re normal-looking and crazy, you can’t get away with being a bitch. If you’re insanely hot and you treat men like crap, they give you a lot more slack.
2. Based on personal experience, I second the protector-instinct theory.
3. I think particularly guys in their mid-twenties hit this quarter-life ennui and they want to get swept up in something passionate and romantic and dangerous-feeling.

archer's avatar

romantically? nothing
sexually? everything

CMaz's avatar

TaoSan- That is truly what it is about. Had one of those relationships.
Amazing the power a cute sexy, accommodating woman can have. No matter how broken she really is.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

I hope to always be swept up in something passionate and romantic
what a boring way to live otherwise

casheroo's avatar

My husband went from one crazy to another, when he started dating me. But we were two different kinds of crazy..he said he felt relief when he first started dating me, then realized how different his role would be in the relationship. It’s funny how men think.
I don’t think they actively seek “crazies” but I do think they are attracted to women who are more passionate, which I choose to believe my husband viewed me as :)

RareDenver's avatar

I used to know this girl
Who gave her love away
To every guy she met
And with all the games they played
She never seemed to cry
She never got upset
And one by one they came
And one by one they left
I thought that I could fix her
If she would let me in
But all of my advances
Were shut down in the end
When days turned into months
I begged her to explain
And this is what she sang

It’s not like I’m a slut
Or that I really like to fuck
I just want every boy I see
To walk away with part of me
Until there’s nothing left to hold
Until there’s nothing left to hate
I appreciate your help
But even you can’t save me from myself

I used to know this boy
Who took notes in a book
But he ripped out all the pages
Before I got a look
At all the words he scribbled
At all the lines he filled
But the ink stains on his fingers
Told me he was skilled
At capturing a feeling
That most of us just miss
The simple pain of living
With goodbyes on our lips
I found one of the pages
Crumpled by her bed
And this is how it read

It’s not like I am weak
Or that I don’t know how to leave
It’s just that every time you cheat
You bring me closer to defeat

Until there’s nothing left to love
Until there’s nothing left to say
I know that you need help
But even I can’t save you from yourself

wundayatta's avatar

@RareDenver It is considered appropriate to source your comments when you are copying from someone else.

Artist: Her Space Holiday
Song: Japanese Gum
Album: The Young Machines 2003

HumourMe's avatar

It is amazing how people here have implied and said straight out that a woman who isn’t crazy must be boring/plain/bland/lack personality. Wow, I didn’t realise being sane and “uncrazy” was so out of fashion.

There are plenty of women out there who have great, fun and interesting personalities that aren’t crazy. If you can’t find them, you’re hanging out with the wrong people.

Just_Justine's avatar

You mean some one will love me! Yay oh wait it’s only for certain age group mad chicks

cliofaye's avatar

Simply,they’re more interesting. For the most part anyway. And think about it,if they’re crazy in all other aspects why wouldn’t they be crazy in bed too?

wundayatta's avatar

I like them because I understand them and they understand me. I mean, what is it about a crazy guy?

flutherother's avatar

They are incredibly involving and interesting. They are multicoloured when most people are shades of grey. They are a drug. I married one (we are now divorced).

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