General Question

phoenyx's avatar

Your challenge is to create the worst movie ever.

Asked by phoenyx (7374points) June 1st, 2009

What would it be about? Who would write it? Who would direct it? Who would you cast for the various roles?

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

37 Answers

YARNLADY's avatar

Hello, I would write it, direct it and star in it. That would solve the issue.

MrGV's avatar

If Jessica Simpson or Paris Hilton were to do all of those. It would be such a great movie haha

Likeradar's avatar

Keanu Reeves must have a part… oooh, Keanu in a Shakespearean drama…

eponymoushipster's avatar

let’s call it “Gigli”. put JLo and ben affleck in it.

wait.what? they made it?! ohshit.

The_Compassionate_Heretic's avatar

Too much competition. I’d rather spend my creative energies going the other direction.

tiffyandthewall's avatar

i’m afraid i can’t compete with this ):

phoenyx's avatar

@Likeradar
well, he’s already been in a Shakespearean comedy

psyla's avatar

The movie’s about 2 people making a movie about 2 people making a movie about 2 people making a movie.

In the movie, the movie that they’re making a movie about making a movie about, they keep having trouble trying to make the movie.

In the movie that they make, the storyline about making a movie ends up with them not being able to make a movie.

So the movie that they make about making a movie ends with them making a movie about not being able to make a movie.

Likeradar's avatar

@phoenyx My mind. It’s blown.

evelyns_pet_zebra's avatar

That movie was already made, you can find it here

The other three runners up are: This, this and of course, this.

whatthefluther's avatar

Well, it would be a documentary starring our own @Crusader called “My Life As A Troll…or how to be a jerk with little effort, no smarts and obnoxious behavior”

jeffgoldblumsprivatefacilities's avatar

It would star Matthew McConaughey. Want proof? Here are some possibilities.

psyla's avatar

Reminds me of the Seinfeld episode where they get network approval to make a TV show about nothing. Whatever so happens to happen is the movie. About 40 minutes of the movie would continuously show a guy reading a book.

jeffgoldblumsprivatefacilities's avatar

I have the perfect director! Check out this gentleman’s resume.

kenmc's avatar

Watch “Manos: Hands Of Fate”

My worst movie ever would be based on my life. It’d be boring as hell.

phoenyx's avatar

From the mind of George Lucas:
======================
Star Wars: Jar Jar’s Choice
======================
a Michael Bay film

Starring:
Darth Myukus: Carrot Top (sith lord)
Darth Orden: Miley Cyrus (sith apprentice)

Momew Golbo: Bobcat Goldthwait (jedi)
Zaphone Basai: Gilbert Gottfried (jedi)
T’Rani Amitey: Fran Drescher (jedi)

Boboo Dravvad: Keanu Reeves (boisterous droid mechanic, comic relief)
Doreana Jor: Whoopie Goldberg (his wife)

Black Dawn: Alec, Daniel, William, and Stephen Baldwin (bounty hunter clan)

Iella Ryra: Paris Hilton (crime boss)
Ulon Kodd: Steven Seagal (her bodyguard)

It would be a musical with plenty of suspenseful harpsicord.

cak's avatar

I’m still working on it, but I know it must star the oh-so-modest, Tom Cruise. Of course, it will be set in a foreign country and he will need to have an accent, you know…because he has such a wide range and great at different accents.

Wait, maybe I’ll add Kristen (I think that is right) Stewart…she has such emotional range. I mean the wonder movie (gag) Twilight showcased her range.

I think it will be a drama…lots of drama.

MacBean's avatar

Wow. I think this thread can end now. @phoenyx wins.

dalepetrie's avatar

I can do this, but not right now…just wait…

Fred931's avatar

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evelyns_pet_zebra's avatar

I agree with @MacBean, we have a winner. @phoenyx has won the prize. “Johnny, tell phoenyx what he’s won!”

Fred931's avatar

WAIT!!! DON’T FORGET ME?! 

DarkScribe's avatar

I would have Paris Hilton write and direct it, and Meryl Streep star in it. (And I think that Ms Streep is a great actress.) Tom Cruise cold be the gopher.

cyn's avatar

lurve phoenyx you stole my idea!

cyn's avatar

Wait you forgot Lindsay Lohan!

andrew's avatar

Drat! Manos: hands of fate is taken! Did you see that those guys have a website now? Rifftrax or something.

cyn's avatar

@andrew whahahaha…

VS's avatar

Well, I would hire Tom Cruise to star in a remake of an old classic, say “War of the Worlds” and have him avert disaster at least nineteen different times, while dragging around a cute little child star, say Dakota Fanning, for a three-hour marathon film fighting off space aliens of every ilk ever conceived including, but not limited to, some ugly ass giant alien snakes.

Oh, they did that? Silly me…

dalepetrie's avatar

Here you go:

It’s called “Love in The Time of Methane”

Written by the least talented 2 of the 6 guys who wrote the Scary Movie films, Jason Friedberg & Aaron Seltzer, “geniuses” behind Date Movie, Epic Movie, Meet the Spartans, etc.

Directed by Michael Bay

Produced by Jerry Bruckheimer

Narrated by Gilbert Goddfried

Starring:

Keanu Reeves as the world’s smartest man

Eddie Murphy as 8 fat, black characters

Martin Lawrence as the other 7 fat, black characters

Susan Boyle as the hot young temptress whose sexual appetites know no boundaries

Larry the Cable Guy as the suave, debonair young aristocrat who sweeps Boyle off her feet

Garry Shandling, Ray Romano, Fran Dresher and Jennifer Tilly as the world’s best vocal quartet

Michael Cera as the world’s most excitable man

Clay Aiken as the terrible womanizer

Andrew Dice Clay as the sensitive preacher who is making a difference

Britney Spears and Matthew McConaughey as the brilliant scientists racing against time to save the world

Pauly Shore and Tom Arnold as the two no-nonsense college professors

Paula Poundstone as the world’s funniest woman

Corey Feldman as God

Corey Haim as Jesus

Willem DaFoe as the babysitter

Music by Biz Markie

Costume design by Bjork.

Synopsis/Tagline (cue announcer voice)

In a world where the ozone layer is being destroyed by the farts of fat black people, two young lovers must enlist the help of the world’s smartest man to help convince a pair of brilliant young scientists that time is running out.

Plot Summary:

Sir Reginald Copperbottom (Larry the Cable Guy), and his best friend Bobby (Aiken), are two hot young studs who can have their pick of women, much to the chagrin of their over-excitable best bud Clyde (Cera). One day while attending a concert by his favorite vocal group the Unsuckables (Shandling, Romano, Dresher & Tilly), he meets Melanie (Boyle), a woman whose sexual appetites seem to be unquenchable. Within minutes, the young lovers are engaged in some of the most graphic sex you’ve ever seen in mainstream cinema. What follows is a 25 minute montage of their “lost month”, and it includes several scenes that defy description…such as the four way with two random sex addicts (cameos by John Goodman and Steve Buscemi). What finally gets them out of the house is when, after another four way with a couple of fat, black women (Murphy, Lawrence in fat suits), their ozone air purifier breaks due to all of the farts released by their sex partners. While they are driving to the Brookstone to buy a replacement, they hear an announcement on the radio offering up a pair of free tickets to see the world’s funniest comedienne Julie (Poundstone). Melanie calls and wins the tickets.

We go back one year earlier to see Poundstone attending classes at the prestigious Snobmore Academy, where her uptight Science Professor (Shore) has begun to teach his class about a theory he had developed in tandem with the only other Professor in the school more uptight than him (Arnold). It involved the farts of fat, black people depleting the Ozone layer, which made Julie laugh uncontrollably, resulting in her expulsion at the request of the two professors and the even more uptight Dean (cameo by Ozzy Osbourne). Julie, no longer able to pursue her education is at a crossroads, and seeks spiritual advice from the timid and sensitive preacher (Clay) who makes a real difference in her life when he suggests she tell jokes for a living.

Fast forward to present day, Reginald and Melanie are having a great time at the comedy show, when Julie starts telling her signature joke about how fat black people farts are destroying the ozone layer. While the audience laughs, Reginald and Melanie realize that this must indeed actually be true, given the incident with their air purifier, and they must put aside their sexual appetites to try to save the world . Reginald, being a philanthropist, has connections to the scientific community, and contacts a couple of very learned scientists Cassandra and Jim (Spears and McConaughey) who don’t believe him. Not knowing where else to turn, he and Melanie decide to get roaring drunk and have sloppy sex in the parking lot, but on their way to the car, Reginald slips on a pile of puke and bangs his head. While he’s unconscious, he is visited by God and Jesus (Feldman and Haim), who tell him to seek out the world’s smartest man, Daniel (Reeves). They set out on a quest which involves several unnecessary car chases and explosions. They find Reeves who conducts a number of experiments involving over a dozen fat black people (Murphy, Lawrence) and copious amounts of refried beans in what is billed as perhaps the longest extended farting scene in the history of cinema.

Daniel must drop his daughter (Dakota Fanning) off at the babysitter (DaFoe) and race to find Casssandra and Jim so they can save the world from the menace of fat black people farts, a race which involves several more car crashes and explosions. Will the Earth’s atmosphere survive long enough for Reginald and Melanie to get to their three way with the fat, naked guy from Borat?

dalepetrie's avatar

Told you to give me a little time! hehehe

dalepetrie's avatar

That would be a good drive in double feature with Jar Jar’s Choice, dontcha think?

whatthefluther's avatar

@dalepetrie…Brilliant! Poignant! I laughed! I cried! I farted! Thank you…wtf

dalepetrie's avatar

@phoenyx – I don’t think Lucas can make Jar Jar’s choice until he makes the prequel.

The story of a young sith lord who decides to leave the Dark Side and become a country singer…

…it’s called Darth Brooks.

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