General Question

kayysamm's avatar

Have you ever had a thought that you might be "bi" or gay/lesbain?

Asked by kayysamm (435points) June 3rd, 2009

I was having a conversation with an old friend of mine who recently told me she has outed herself as a lesbian. I have nothing against it and i was proud that she was happy.

i asked her how she knew she was or what made her think she was, she told me she always had a little idea in her head she might be but was never sure. one day she was watching a tv show and it really got her thinking so she joined an online thing and meet a girl through it just to see if thats what she liked. ended up that she did.

Have you or anyone you known ever felt that way ?

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32 Answers

MrItty's avatar

In college, a friend came out to me, after kinda disappearing for 3 months. He told me that the way he first started realizing it (the fact that he never had any interest in dating a girl or even anything physical with a girl apparently wasn’t a big enough clue) was that he was browsing IMDb, somewhat absentmindedly. After a while, he realized he was only looking at pictures of the actors. Not the actresses. That led to him figuring it out….

evelyns_pet_zebra's avatar

Yeah, I was raised by hard core Baptists that made me think sexuality was a horrible thing, and that being gay was the same as defecating on the Bible.

It took a long time, some deep soul searching, and talking with many people, to discover my biseuxality. I am comfortable with it, but I feel no need to tell my family about it. None of their goddamn business.

The path to my sexuality was much like the path to my atheism. It was a journey I undertook on my own to find out who I am and where I stand in the world.

A little joke I like to tell: You can always tell the bisexual people, their little black book has yellow pages in the middle.

SirBailey's avatar

I think part of normal development, part of the way we learn about who WE ourselves are, is by asking ourselves, as we go through life, “Am I this? Am I that?”

It’s so much part of life that it’s safe to say that EVERYONE questions their sexuality at some point. We question if we’re smart or dumb, ugly or nice looking, have a big nose or not, etc., etc.

I’d be surprised if anyone did NOT ever ask themselves, as they were growing up, if they were gay or straight.

dynamicduo's avatar

I don’t really like the labels of bi/gay/etc. I much prefer the theory that sexuality is a range, with 100% homosexual on one end and 100% heterosexual on the other end, and people lie somewhere in between. For myself, I am attracted to females and males, but I don’t like labeling myself as bisexual nor as straight so I just don’t label myself.

DarkScribe's avatar

No, I haven’t spent much time wondering whether I was a lesbian or not. Do you think that I should?

Mr_Callahan's avatar

NO, but I’ve been eating lots of cucumber ( cucumus sativis )lately.

casheroo's avatar

I know there was a point in my life, when it confused me that I was attracted to women and men. But, I was very young, I’m thinking 14, and I found other girls attractive…but I never wanted to act on it. I had no desire to do anything sexual or pursue a relationship. I still find women attractive. I think it’s completely normal to find people attractive from both sexes.

I’ve had friends that have actually had to “come out” and others never said anything, them being gay was just a given..even from middle school. It’s not a taboo thing where I’m from, kids can be openly out and no one bats an eye. Some people are more confident with it, and don’t have societal and family pressure keeping them from being out. Like, my friend, he waited until he was 18 to even start introducing his sexuality to his parents. They still seem to ignore it, but he is openly gay.

Clair's avatar

i’m in the bible belt. any homosexual or bisexual is openly condemned. i don’t worry about what others think, but that being said..
i don’t think i could have a an emotional, physical and romantic relationship with a woman. although, i do find them attractive, extremely attractive. i do think, i could easily use them purely for sex. giving that they are willing and also in it for nothing but pleasure. i can’t connect with a woman like i can a man. but anywhoo, my promiscuous days are over and i remain a hetero.

Mr_Callahan's avatar

“Purely For Sex ”, now why don’t other woman ubderstand that concept, Clair?

Clair's avatar

@Mr_Callahan you got me. i suppose we’re in the same boat. i guess we’re fucked. pun fully intended!

Mr_Callahan's avatar

This concept would sure make life easier , wouldn’t it? But NO, people gotta throw in love and all THEM THERE emotions. (: Can we say the “F” word?

Clair's avatar

@Mr_Callahan i’m not really sure if we can say THAT THERE F WORD :D

ubersiren's avatar

@Clair : I’m sort of in the same boat.

I have always looked more at women than men in romantic scenes in movies and stuff. In high school there were girls that I thought were very attractive and I wished I could kiss them. But I wouldn’t say I was a lesbian. I was just as happy to get some from guys- plus it was just easier, and I liked guys’ emotions better. Girls were just too fussy. I asked one girl out on a date, who turned out to be straight, and I kissed one girl in a risque game of truth or dare, but that’s the extent of my woman on woman escapades. Through the years I’ve just been more attracted overall to men. There are still women that I’d love to do some heavy petting with if I had the chance, but that’s where I would draw the line. I don’t think I could ever do the oral sex thing with a lady. Alas, I’m married now with one kid, so getting physical with anyone else is out.

I like that @dynamicduo thinks of it in terms of a percentage. I would say I am 30% attracted to women and 70% to men.

A_Beaverhausen's avatar

sometimes when ever i get mad at my SO i often wonder if it would be easier to date women. but then i remember how much i hate bitchy women and how much i love my bf :)

not to mention the sex is better with a man..
….im guessing

cwilbur's avatar

I’ve had a sneaking suspicion for a while, yes.

casheroo's avatar

@A_Beaverhausen have you ever had sex with a woman? you don’t know if it’s better or not. for me, it depends on the person, not their sex.
note: I have never had sex with a woman. I have a sneaking suspicion they have good sex and bad sex just like sraight people sex. ~

aprilsimnel's avatar

I’ve never been interested sexually in women. I certainly have an idea who I consider pretty and who I don’t, but I’m probably a .5 on the Kinsey scale. From when I was a little girl until my late 20s, though, my aunt “accused” me of being gay many times. She made such statements too often, and would talk about her fellow churchgoers behind their backs and “accuse” them of gayness to me as well, when most of them obviously weren’t. She was mean for no reason to people who were out in our neighborhood.

“If I’m gay, and I must be gay because she says I’m gay and she’s the grown-up who would know,” I’d think to myself, “then why do I have a crush on Matt?” Fill in a different boy’s name from ages 9 to 14 and that’s how I was struggling with it.

Being a child, I didn’t even realize that her thinking about sex was so completely disordered until high school. That’s when I learned about “projection” and realized that she was probably the queer person and just didn’t want to face it. After that I was able to let what she said to me about my sexuality roll off my back. She’s mentally ill, was raised Baptist and converted to Pentecostalism. If she is gay or bi, she will probably never come out to herself. Poor thing.

mammal's avatar

you have enormous eyes

GAMBIT's avatar

No I always knew who I was and I knew I liked girls.

Jack79's avatar

No, I’m 100% sure that I’m not gay or even bi, though I could of course be a lesbian, since I like women.

I think people who are usually not sure may have that tendency and they’re just fighting it because of social and psychological reasons. It’s all about the way we were brough up. If our society accepted homosexuality as the “norm” and frowned upon heterosexual relationships, you’d see almost everyone gay. Though I’d still be in that 1% minority who’d insist you cannot have good sex if the other person doesn’t have boobs.

CMaz's avatar

I believe it is different for everyone. And, can get VERY personal. I know people that are “Bi” but have no desire to ever have it get to the point of a relationship.
Some friends are “gay” and it is just so right for them. Others are very happy in a hetro relationship. While others “believe” they are living a lie but the fear of being ostracize will always keep them in the closet.
To stay as liberal as possible. It comes down to what you are comfortable with.
As far a my “bi” friend go, they have the attitude that if it feels good why not and they see it as nothing more then another sexual avenue to get off. They are comfortable as to who they are sexually,so no hang-ups exist. The mystery there is we will never know what is REALLY going on in the back of their head?

MrItty's avatar

An exgirlfriend of mine is bi. She has had relationships with both genders. In the past couple years, however, she’s sworn off women. Not because she’s no longer attracted to them, but because, in her words “Men are dumb, and women are crazy. I can deal with dumb more easily than with crazy.”

A_Beaverhausen's avatar

@casheroo im assuming. cause theres a primal, agressive nature to sex that i think a woman cant satisfy. for me anyway… i can only speak for myself tho

chelseababyy's avatar

I haven’t ever thought, I always knew.

AnnieOakley's avatar

I think DynamicDuo nailed it with :
“I don’t really like the labels of bi/gay/etc. I much prefer the theory that sexuality is a range, with 100% homosexual on one end and 100% heterosexual on the other end, and people lie somewhere in between. For myself, I am attracted to females and males, but I don’t like labeling myself as bisexual nor as straight so I just don’t label myself.”

This is precisely how I feel as well.

I think this is an easier place to be as a woman. I don’t think men can let themselves be that free – escpecially men that are closer to the 100% hetro side of the scale.

Jack79's avatar

I don’t agree at all. I can accept people who are 50–50 or 80–20 or whatever, but no, I cannot even begin to grasp the idea of how that may feel. I am not 99% attracted to women and 1% to men, and I don’t think I’m just an exception, so it’s not as if I’m just closer to the 100% hetero side of the scale as you put it. For me it’s a bit like being a vegetarian or a non-smoker. Sure, there are people that might enjoy a cigarette every now and then, or may like the smell of tobacco, or something. But usually non-smokers never smoke. And they don’t even have to try it to know.

As far as smoking is concerned, I used to be a heavy smoker for many years and quit 6 years back and never smoked again (though I do have the occasional craving).

But as far as sexual activity with members of the same sex is concerned, I have never once been the least attracted to a man, never imagined what it would be like, or felt anything for any man that could be considered sexual (sure I have friends who I love and admire, but that’s different).

And I’m pretty sure it has nothing to do with social norms, because I’ve never followed those anyway. I think it’s just a taste you’re born with, not so much aquire. I still cannot grasp the idea of bisexuality, even though people have tried to explain it to me. But speaking for myself, I’m 100% sure I only like women. I’d find it easier to have sex with an ugly woman than the most handsome man in the world.

ohmyword's avatar

I was a lesbian for a brief six month period. I was crazy about a girl though, not women as a whole. I liked sex with her, but couldn’t imagine having sex with any other women. (to this day… I’m back to preferring men, sexually)

CMaz's avatar

“I was a lesbian for a brief six month period.”

And THAT is one of the biggest issues facing homosexuality.
How long do you go with it till you see it as a “brief encounter” or start shouting I was born that way?

tiffyandthewall's avatar

not really. i could make a list of some hot ladies, but i’m not interested in them in the way i’m interested in guys.

TominLasVegas's avatar

Bi curious to an extent.

Palindrome's avatar

Everyone’s attracted to one another whether your a girl or guy, it’s the laws of physics. lol

Palindrome's avatar

No, but to get serious on this note, I would have to admit that I started to become attracted to one of my good friends who is into girls, but I’m straight. It was the way she would look at me sometimes…idk. We play around a lot, and always have fun when we’re together, but I don’t know if I should classify how we act towards one another as flirting. But I mean I’ve never been attracted to any another girl so I wouldn’t call myself bi. I’m not even sure if I actually had/have true feelings for her like that, but I would declare that I am/was attracted to her.

I would also agree with what @dynamicduo said. Labels are subjective and can be misunderstood. A percentage would seem more so correct to explain how much a person is attracted to a certain gender.

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