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wundayatta's avatar

What information do you want to know about departed flutherers? What information do you think we have a right to know?

Asked by wundayatta (58545points) June 4th, 2009

Below, I’ve pasted a bit of the conversation from this thread. I’m wondering what you want to know about people who are no longer here. Do you want to know which new name corresponds with the old name? Do you want to know who has voluntarily deleted their account as opposed to being banned? Do you want to know who has been banned? Finally, do you think it appropriate for voluntary or involuntary leavers to keep their privacy, or does the community have a right to know who they are now, and what happened to them?

The conversation that made me wonder this:

PnL
I think if there is a different page for showing whether someone left vs. got banned, they should ALSO indicate that the person who left has returned with a new alias (won’t mention the specific alias of course). And yes, this does happen very often. It looks bad that someone has disabled until you realize they just returned with a new name for whatever reason.
PnL

Darwin
Perhaps we should just leave it at what you think happened based on your personal interactions with someone. We don’t really need a “Wall of Shame” or even a “Wall of People Who Decided to Leave on their Own.”
Darwin

Jeruba
Most of the time I’m just satisfied to know they’re gone.

If a well-known long-time community member disappears, it’s disturbing and disappointing, but it’s usually a safe bet that it was voluntary.
Jeruba

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

57 Answers

cwilbur's avatar

If it’s someone I enjoyed interacting with, I wouldn’t mind an email address to continue the correspondence. But most of the time, I don’t care.

SuperMouse's avatar

Honestly, I don’t think we have the right to know. I think it is up to the person leaving to share – or not share – the circumstances surrounding their departure. I do wonder when someone leaves or seems to go into hiding for awhile, but I really feel like it is up to the person to talk about it or not talk about.

_bob's avatar

Measurements for departed hot chicks.

aprilsimnel's avatar

Yes, it would be nice to know why someone left, but it’s not really our business.

mattbrowne's avatar

Why they can’t see that Fluther moderators are more like newspaper editors. Not every letter sent to a newspaper gets printed. And we still don’t call this censorship.

tinyfaery's avatar

I don’t think about it much. Everytime it appears someone has left us, they show up in a random thread. I do wonder what happened to Bri_L. He is missed.

Judi's avatar

I miss deaddolly (@tinyfaery ‘s current avatar reminds me of her) She was always so real. I do think if they wanted us to know where they went they would have told us.

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

I haven’t been a jelly long enough to get to know anyone well enough to miss this if they stop posting.

As far as new accounts go, unless the person contacts me to give their new name or unless they’re hassling me and I take it to the Mods then I feel it’s not my business. Maybe they had a good reason to go incognito. Assholes will be assholes in any disguise so I don’t need updates on them. The Mods probably know who all go with what accounts and that’s okay with me, helps them with their job here. I do like the idea of a departed (by whatever reason) user’s name changed to “anonymous” since their words will remain within threads.

Dog's avatar

I trust that if a flutherite leaves they know what they are doing.

I respect them enough not to need a reason.

—Additionally it sounds like a heck of a lot of programming work just to satisfy the curiosity of a few.—

jlm11f's avatar

If its a long time flutherite who has left, I would be sad and curious to know why, but obviously that is strictly up to them to tell us. I wouldn’t harass them about it. In all other cases, I don’t care if they have been banned or left of their own volition because the final outcome is the same – they are gone.

Do you want to know which new name corresponds with the old name? No
Do you want to know who has voluntarily deleted their account as opposed to being banned? Nope.
Finally, do you think it appropriate for voluntary or involuntary leavers to keep their privacy, or does the community have a right to know who they are now, and what happened to them? – Former. The community doesn’t really have a “right” to know any of these things.

@tinyfaery – Bri_L is just very busy trying to take care of his family since the current economic conditions haven’t been made things easy for them. I hope he returns soon too.

cak's avatar

It’s way too intrusive and a bit much to expect an explanation.

essieness's avatar

I usually don’t notice or care when it’s one of the trolls. But when it’s someone I’ve grown to like or enjoy their posts, I’ll take notice and wonder. For instance, when you (@daloon) had your meltdown a while back, I was genuinely concerned and worried about you. There are a few others that I would really miss if they left, but luckily I am following most of them on Twitter and would be able to find out what happened.

As far as a “wall of shame”, I’m not sure how I feel about that. I mean, I think if someone gets banned, it would be nice to know and to be told why. Maybe this would be best put to use in the Fluther Blog? I only say that because it’s nice to know our limits and reasoning behind some of the mods’ decisions. I definitely agree that if a person signs up under a new username, it’s none of our business. People have their reasons for wanting privacy sometimes.

I have to add that it’s odd when one day you just realize, “Hmm, I haven’t seen so-and-so around in a while, wonder what happened?”... and there’s no way to really find out.

On that note, I miss @Marina and @Mr_M and his pervy comments.

La_chica_gomela's avatar

@tinyfaery: I liked Bri_L a lot too. Has he really “left” left? I thought I saw him occasionally still. :-(

@essiness: I dont miss Mr_M“s pervy question-answers or private messages. <shivers>.

Blondesjon's avatar

meh…just more drama for the drama queens.

cak's avatar

@essieness – Marina was posting yesterday or the say before – she’s here.

essieness's avatar

@La_chica_gomela Yeah, sometimes it was overboard, but harmless… I think.

SuperMouse's avatar

I miss poofandmook too.

SirBailey's avatar

Interesting question. We don’t have a “right” to know anything on the subject. And I can understand why Fluther wouldn’t want to show people that deleted their accounts (although the screen could also show a specific reason and that reason had nothing to do with dissatisfaction).

bythebay's avatar

Just as we come and quip with relative anonymity, so should we leave. If I were to go and desired future contact with someone; I could PM them before my departure for contact info.

As to whether the leaving was voluntary or mandated departure, it really just doesn’t matter. Gone is gone. Trolls and the like tend to show their true colors and a safe assumption could me made as to their leaving. As far as treasured jellies leaving, I don’t even think it should be made known if they are now here under an alias. Privacy is ours for the asking here. Also, many have left comments on their bios referencing their reasons for leaving.

I miss nocountry2 and soapchef!

jbfletcherfan's avatar

There have been some people on here who have been banned, & I learnt the hard way to get email addresses & I have. One I lost contact with from AV & thankfully he contacted me on here. Why are the rebels the ones I like the most????

Judi's avatar

@bythebay ; didn’t soapchef leave because she got a job?

bythebay's avatar

@Judi: yes, a really exciting opportunity. miss her logic and humor!

Judi's avatar

@bythebay , I had mothers day dinner at Drifwood Shores and wondered if she cooked it

bythebay's avatar

lucky you!

YARNLADY's avatar

No, I have my e-mail on my profile so anyone who wants to can contact me, but I don’t wonder too much about people who no longer participate. There are a few I miss, but too much is going on to spend any time on it.

DarkScribe's avatar

We have no “Right” to know anything about another person. Invasion of privacy is hardly a right. It might be nice if a departing user had a form to fill out as a part of the account canceling process that offered a chance to say goodbye, give reasons etc. and that when searched on that came up rather than a “we can’t find a user with that name” type message as is the current situation.

AstroChuck's avatar

I’d just like to know what happened to Seesul. She was one of my favorites on Fluther.

Aethelwine's avatar

I just noticed that steve6 is no longer with us. I must admit that I am a bit curious if this was his decision.

DeanV's avatar

And I’m sure we all miss 90’s_Kid…

Darwin's avatar

I think if someone leaves voluntarily they will tell us whatever they want us to know, if anything. Sometimes folks want to update the community and sometimes they don’t. I think @daloon was a case in point – didn’t you leave at one point and then come back? You told us what you wanted us to know.

If someone is banned most of us can probably guess that is why they are gone.

In any case, it really is none of our business.

jbfletcherfan's avatar

Starting Sunday, I’m fixin’ to be gone for at least 10 days. I hope someone misses ME. :-(

DarkScribe's avatar

@jbfletcherfan Sure – I’ll set a reminder to miss you. Enjoy your trip.

jbfletcherfan's avatar

@DarkScribe thank you. I’ll be in withdrawal, for sure.

DarkScribe's avatar

@jbfletcherfan Get a BlackBerry – you can keep up. The web browser on the Storm emulates either Firefox or IE as well as BlackBerry and the screen is big enough to browse normal web sites. My wife uses reading glasses when browsing on hers, quite effective if you want to look at a normal page full screen.

aprilsimnel's avatar

@jbfletcherfan – Have a great, safe trip! We’ll save your seat! :D

Judi's avatar

@jbfletcherfan ;My husband is regretting surprising me with an iPhone because now I fluther while in the passenger seat of the car.

jbfletcherfan's avatar

@DarkScribe that’s not an option. I’m fighting outside sources.

@aprilsimnel thanks, honey.

@Judi Ooohh, lucky you. It’s my husband’s ‘fault’ that I’m going to be out of the loop. GRRRRR

essieness's avatar

@jbfletcherfan Fixin’ too? Are you a fellow Texan??

jbfletcherfan's avatar

@essieness You bet. Well, technically..I was born & raised here in Iowa, moved to Texas for 22 years & then moved back to Iowa 3 years ago. But I’m a Texan at heart. Always will be. To me, everyone’s honey or sweetie, too. Some things will just always stay with me. Sure do miss Y’ALL down there. LOL

Dog's avatar

I fluther from the iPhone most of the time.

I have been a flutherite for over a year but did leave for a few months last year. I missed intelligent conversation and returned.

If I was to take a break again I would post it on my profile and set FLUTHERBOT to notify me of any personal messages. (I love having an electronic personal assistant.)

_bob's avatar

@essieness, @jbfletcherfan How ‘bout them Cowboys?

jbfletcherfan's avatar

Well, sorry to say, I think the Cowboys have had their 15 minutes of fame. I’m no sports fan, but back when they were really playing football & winning the Super Bowls…that’s when it was fun. Troy, Emmitt, Michael, Darryl, that’s when it meant something. I don’t even know or CARE who the head coach is now.

wundayatta's avatar

@Darwin I left because I was really pissed at the moderation I received. Really, really pissed. I may or may not have been justified in my anger, but that’s not the point. I left because I was angry. To some degree, it was a protest, and, for that reason, I needed to see if anyone noticed, and figured out why I had gone. To their credit, one or more of the mods got it (I think it was PnL, but I don’t remember).

When they figured out who I came back as, and I guess they have ways of doing that that have nothing to do with recognizing style, they tried to talk to me about it. I tried to explain my reasoning. I’m still not sure I understood or understand why that particular question was modded, but I do understand now that different people have different opinions (although I never found out who made that decision), and that sometimes they make mistakes. It’s not that I think I’m above the law here, but I do think I should be given the benefit of the doubt in borderline cases. This was a borderline case.

Later on, I came to agree with the mods that I had overreacted. So I consider that it was a meltdown, since I don’t ordinarily react that strongly to such things. I know the world is an unfair place, but it doesn’t usually seem like the unfairness is so personal.

Anyway, I didn’t want to leave. I wanted to make a point. I really didn’t want it to be a “come back, daloon, we love you” situation. I hate it when people play that game, and I did not want to be doing that, but that’s what it turned into. Some people did come to my defense with respect to the moderation, which was nice, but far more just said I was over-reacting, and to grow up.

Unfortunately, since I had deleted my account, and because I was so pissed, I couldn’t explain what I was doing very clearly. In fact, this is my first clear explanation about it.

In any case, it seems to me that voluntary departures are a kind of message, whether protest, like me, or anger or frustration, or whatever. I think it would be useful if those messages could be more clearly stated. As in my case, it can be difficult to read the tea leaves that say why I departed.

Of course, we can’t mandate explanations, and I’m not sure whether I would call it a right for us to know, but I do think the symbolism of a departure can be and perhaps should be expressed more clearly. It shouldn’t take me this long to explain. Although, I guess one needs a certain distance in order to clarify one’s own feelings about it.

I learned a bit from the experience. I no longer try to ask single sentence questions, nor do I ask “fun” questions. I always add explanations to my questions even if they (in my opinion) are made less effective by the explanation. I just don’t even try with the fun or creative questions, even though I think they would enhance the experience here. I’m obviously in the minority about that. I know what the rules say, even if I don’t understand how they are applied, and I err on the side of placation, since I hate having a question withdrawn. It feels like I’m being told that my judgment…. well, that I’m so unutterably stupid that I shouldn’t bother to exist.

So it goes.

Blondesjon's avatar

I still don’t get all the uproar over being modded. Was a jokey statement that went a little too far or a cute question that didn’t stay up worth all of the drama. Good Lord people, it’s a privately owned Q&A site on the Internet.

Get over yourselves.

wundayatta's avatar

@Blondesjon I’m not saying it makes sense. In fact, I’m saying it doesn’t make sense. However, it is how I felt at the time.

How can one get over oneself? Oh never mind, I’ll ask it.

Blondesjon's avatar

@daloon . . .That wasn’t just meant for you. It’s for anybody who feels the need to spit and sputter because they’ve been modded.

Darwin's avatar

@daloon – I know why you left. You explained it quite clearly at the time, and then again when you came back. I appreciate your openness because I have known you in the Internet sense for a while now.

My point is simply that you told us why you were leaving, and you told us why you came back. You have every right to do that, but you also have every right to leave without saying a word.

If you had left without saying anything at all we might be wondering why, but we would have no right to the reason. However, if someone leaves because of a problem with the site it would be nice if Bendrew knew why, in case there is something that needs fixing.

The rest of us don’t really need to know, and none of us have the right to know.

La_chica_gomela's avatar

@bob_ Cowboys? How ‘bout Rice Baseball? 2009 C-USA champs! Hell yeah!
(chica = the weirdo Texan)

_bob's avatar

@La_chica_gomela
<- Not into baseball

La_chica_gomela's avatar

<-Not into football :-P

Darwin's avatar

Any Texans into ice hockey? Go Rayz!

_bob's avatar

@Darwin Ice hockey? In Texas? Yeah, right…

Darwin's avatar

@bob_Yup! and yup again!

We do have air conditioning you know.

Jeruba's avatar

Bri_L has checked in within the past week on the Some progress thread (which you all are still welcome to join—a weekly posting of our goals and accomplishments).

_bob's avatar

@Darwin No wonder the ice caps are melting.

tiffyandthewall's avatar

i don’t think it’s a right, but i do think it would be nice to know simply if a flutherite left willingly, or was banned. in most cases though, i think it would be easy to tell.
i do wish that a flutherites’ page wasn’t turned into an ‘error’ page once they leave – willingly or not – it’s a little creepy. like, “what? oh, this person didn’t exist. * nervous laugh *”

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