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Jude's avatar

Update on the friend who felt more than I (and who wanted more) -- see details inside?

Asked by Jude (32120points) June 5th, 2009

Here I thought that I wasn’t into the good friend who had feelings for me. I told her that my feelings weren’t quite there, yet, and, so we agreed to keep it as friends. Now, I’m totally bummed and missing her like crazy. I don’t understand my emotions..

Previous question.

Can anyone make any sense of this?

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9 Answers

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

Wait, so when you told her you don’t have feelings for her, you stopped being friends? There’s your first problem – return the friendship and then go further and be honest

Jude's avatar

I was honest with her and told her that she felt more than I (at this point), and, we decided to keep it as friends, although, she said that she needs time “to heal”. So, we’re having some time apart, but, are keeping in contact via phone and email.

Part of my issue is that I’m going through a bit of a depression and so, in all honesty, I couldn’t see myself with anyone at this point. Sometimes, I wonder if that has something to do with it.

Jude's avatar

removed my me

MrGV's avatar

Tell her and hope that she still have feelings for you; the worst thing that can happen is she say no.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@jmah yes, things aren’t always simple or clear cut
explain to her that you do miss her that you’re going through a hard time emotionally that you hope things aren’t irreparable between the two of you and that you do need her

astrocom's avatar

So does it matter that I haven’t read the previous topic? Because if you’re cool with my comments without having read that I’d prefer to avoid it, seeing as I have 20 different Fluther questions open right now (curse me and my fluther binging! Why must I feel the need to give in put on nearly every question that’s even vaguely relevant or interesting?) I find your situation very understandable. My suggestion is set aside some time to sit down and give your current feelings (all of them even those you don’t think are relevant to this situation) some serious thought. Figure out why you’re feeling each of these things, and figure out if you want to keep feeling that way. Try to do some emotion searching and put serious effort into figuring out if you’re interested in this girl or just missing your friend. If you still can’t figure it out, be honest, tell her. Yes you’re yanking her chain a bit, but in her position, I’d rather know and forgive you.
That said, I’ve never experienced this “something missing” problem, I’d consider giving serious thought to trying a relationship if you think it would work, you could have a random mood or association you’re not even aware of preventing you from having a great relationship with someone you’re already close with.

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

Tell her you are missing her and feeling a change in your feeling towards her, it’s in her court though to protect herself emotionally and choose to keep the friendship guarded or take a chance on involvement with you while you go through your own difficult emotional time.
I’m answering not having read the previous post and assuming you want more than the friendship now

AnnieOakley's avatar

I say tell her you are missing her BUT it sounds like you need to deal with some things on your own. If you are experiencing some depression and possibly some confusion about your life/feelings/future, etc. You need to be whole before you begin a different or deeper relationship. If you just “react” to your feelings of the moment, you may end up playing games and hurting both of you. Be real with yourself, get your head screwed on straight, be “whole” without any intimate relationship – then you’re ready to include someone in your life on a deeper level.

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