General Question

nromstadt1's avatar

Does your partner's sexual history bother you?

Asked by nromstadt1 (30points) June 6th, 2009

I was just wondering whether the number of partners that the person you’re with has had affects how you feel about him or her. Since I’m still young and have a “number” of zero, knowing that a guy I’m interested in has been with quite a few girls really throws me off. Am I the only one? Should someone’s sexual history have a sway on how you view them or whether or not you want to get involved?

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32 Answers

The_Compassionate_Heretic's avatar

It would depend upon the details of their sexual history.

If you’re interested in someone who has had many sexual partners in a short period of time, you have to think about why that is and the inherent risks involved.

oratio's avatar

Well. If he’s had one at the time, it doesn’t matter. Several at a time is not promising, but in the end, follow your heart. You might get your heart broken, and you might not. You can’t plan that.

ru2bz46's avatar

Only because hers has grown while mine has not.

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

Like @The_Compassionate_Heretic says, it’s in the details. The number of partners doesn’t un nerve me so much as the general nature of their sexual encounters, are they relationship partners or “hook up” partners, are they open to a blood test screening for STD’s even if there’s an agreement to condoms (condoms don’t cover what they might carry in their mouths).

nromstadt1's avatar

I guess I get hooked on the number of people, not necessarily the nature of the encounter. I feel like since I’m waiting for the ‘right’ person, that having sex with someone who has been with many people makes it less special to them. Giving someone that I’ve saved and is really important to me to someone who has been with a lot of people just seems to turn me off. I think it has to do with my hopelessly romantic youthfullness :).

ru2bz46's avatar

@nromstadt1 There is nothing wrong with how you feel now. Your feelings on the matter will likely change as you get older, but right now you are bothered by the number. Go with that, and hold to what you value. You only have one chance to get it right.

Facade's avatar

Yea, it does, but there’s nothing I can do about it.

hug_of_war's avatar

I am not a fan of casual sex, and sex isn’t just a physical thing to me, so yes, someone with a lot of partners is somewhat of a turnoff, but it’s not set in stone, depends on the situation.

FrankHebusSmith's avatar

As long as you’re the only one for him now what does it matter? I think it’s important to know that those weren’t just random hook ups or something, but if they were legit relationships and he’s just had a lot of them then I dunno if I’d hold that against him. It may seem like a lot, but you may want to take into account difference in age (if there is one…).

And I dunno if I can speak for this guy you’re interested. But at least in my case, even though my number is significantly higher than yours, sex is very intimate and important to me, and something I would never take lightly…. Especially if it were with a virgin, whom I would know it’s IMMENSELY important too.

If I were him, I would be honored to be “the guy”, and would remember it always.

lisaj89's avatar

It makes a huge difference to me. I hold very high standards for myself as well as the people I date. I don’t expect one to be a saint, but I wouldn’t date somebody that has slept with every girl they have met. It kind of depends on age, as well as promiscuity. If it was while they were younger, and have since calmed down then that makes it a little better. I know we can’t change our past, but I have waited this long and am not going to hand it over to someone who would consider me just another notch on the bedpost.

oratio's avatar

@lisaj89 True, but maybe he was looking for you.

lisaj89's avatar

True, very very true. I never even thought of it that way. In that case, he would have to prove it. This would mean an exclusive relationship without sex. For a while, not forever, obviously, just long enough in order to show he is committed.
However, that also sounds like a horribly cheesy pickup line.

ru2bz46's avatar

@lisaj89 Damn, no wonder that line hasn’t worked the way I intended. ;-)

Blondesjon's avatar

As long as it remains history it’s none of my business and vice versa.

lisaj89's avatar

lmao, ru2b46.

ubersiren's avatar

My husband has only been with one other woman. That doesn’t bother me, and it still wouldn’t if it had been a big number. I, on the other hand, have had many… adventures. I occasionally wonder if it bothers him. He jokes about it sometimes, but I don’t think he would’ve married me if it was a real problem.

tinyfaery's avatar

Isn’t there a pretty much equivalent question to this up now?

Again, my answer is no.

Darwin's avatar

Where I have known their sexual history (in general, never the specifics) the guys I have dated seem to go for one girl at a time and to have dated them for a while. Otherwise I don’t enquire into their past sex lives really.

I married my husband when he was in his mid-forties. He was a widower, so of course he was not a virgin when I met him. He married his first wife when he was 35 and I know from his mother that from about the age of 12 he was never without a girlfriend, and from former shipmates that he tended to have a girl in every port, but went back to the same ones docking after docking.

In other words, he tends to be loyal.

I tend to be loyal also, so that is pretty much all we need to know about each other’s dating and sexual history.

loser's avatar

Not in the least.

casheroo's avatar

I can’t even remember the number that my husband has slept with, it never bothered me.
I understand that if you’re a virgin, your put off by a guy who has been with multiple women. I lost my virginity to a virgin, so it was special for both of us. Then there were a lot of not so special guys in between lol.
If you don’t want to have sex with the guy, don’t feel pressured to do it. This may be a sign that it’s not the right guy.

cyn's avatar

Actually…it does. I used to have a boyfriend and when he asked me out I didn’t know anything about his sex history. Then I told my friends that I was going out with him. Later they told me that he had sex with a this girl. The next day I told him that I just didn’t felt comfortable around him and it would be better off if we went our seperate ways… so YES it matters to me! Like casheroo I want to lose my virginity to a virgin or at least the “right guy”

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

I think the only way it’d bother me if they’d specifically lie about the number or with whom

drClaw's avatar

No, but sometimes it seems like mine bothers her even though she says it doesn’t.

FrankHebusSmith's avatar

@drClaw Boy do I know how you feel…

fundevogel's avatar

@oratio using his penis as a dowsing rod perhaps?

nromstadt1's avatar

I’m very glad that it did bother me… The day after we “broke up”.. he fucked some girl… and then posted it online so it would rip me apart. I can’t believe I even CONSIDERED it. I’m glad I don’t compromise myself for other people… because if he’d done that after I’d given my virginity to him, I would be more than just hurt and shaking right now

ru2bz46's avatar

@nromstadt1 I’m sorry you deleted your account, and I’m sorry you were hurt by this loser. I’m very happy that you went with your gut feelings on this and denied him his shallow prize. The pain and anger you feel now will pass. Just be comforted by the fact that you won this round.

FrankHebusSmith's avatar

there’s a lot more to the story…. but it’s a moot point as far as fluther is concerned

Poser's avatar

It’s only a problem if you expect him to have the same standards of behavior as you. You have to understand that he is a completely different person, with an entirely different set of experiences than you. You can’t expect him to view this issue the same as you. If the way he does view it is a problem for you, then you probably shouldn’t get involved.

Edit: guess I should’ve read the last few responses.

ohmyword's avatar

At first it was intimidating. He’s only a few years older than me but he’s been with three times as many girls as I have boys. I originally felt inadequate, but eventually I got over it.

Response moderated
Violet's avatar

Noooo.. mine might bother him, but he would never tell me.

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