General Question

lady4life's avatar

What's Cheating?

Asked by lady4life (234points) June 6th, 2009

Do you think men and women define it differently?

Most people agree that it’s bad, but the point at which flirting or idle curiosity becomes a betrayal is a gray area, particularly in this area of laptops etc..
How far is to far {flirting}
Oral sex..cheating or not?

Your thoughts

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24 Answers

AstroChuck's avatar

Well, apparently it ain’t eatin’.

ru2bz46's avatar

If you are doing something you don’t want your partner to know about or that would upset them if they knew, you are cheating.

The_Compassionate_Heretic's avatar

How is oral sex not cheating? That rationalization didn’t fly with Bill Clinton and it doesn’t fly now.

gailcalled's avatar

Anything that involves men’s flies is cheating.

whatthefluther's avatar

removed by me…dupe post

whatthefluther's avatar

I love to look at beautiful women. They make me smile. But when I’m taken (like now) it’s a brief look. Some may call that flirting, but I’m certainly not cheating, at least that is the way I feel. Anything beyond that is cheating…you are cheating your partner of your attention and your affection. Just don’t do it! If you do, you do not belong in a committed relationship, so do your partner and yourself a favor and end it. It’s ridiculous to ask if oral sex or any type of contact is cheating. See ya…wtf

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

There is no Gray area. Cheating is when you have agreed to an exclusive partnership and then engage someone outside of that. Embracing with feelings of infatuation or love is cheating. Kissing is cheating. Engaging in oral sex is cheating. Clandestine meetings to talk and hold hands is cheating. Sex texting is cheating.

SuperMouse's avatar

If you are hiding it from your significant other, no matter what it is from phone calls to emails to clandestine meetings in the park, it is cheating. Period.

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

All that said, people cheat for a huge range of reasons and circumstances, therein lies the Gray matter.

capt_murph_e's avatar

I agree that there are a lot of grey areas when it comes to cheating but oral sex is def crossing the line no matter if he or she is drunk or upset or etc. It is up to you and your partner to define what is cheating when you are in a relationship like seeing a ex because they’re a friend. If you feel guilty about doing something you think might offend your lover, then don’t do it.

chelseababyy's avatar

I think cheating starts with talking to another person, while in a relationship about things like sex and love. That’s how it always starts. A harmless relationship with someone else, could turn into “Hmm, well I now sort of have feelings for this other person. Should I see where it goes, or stick with who I’m with currently”

AnnieOakley's avatar

Watching and listening….so far I think ru2bz46 has said it well with: “If you are doing something you don’t want your partner to know about or that would upset them if they knew, you are cheating.” That would encompass allowing yourself to have feelings, engage in talks about subject matter your partner would not approve of, and definately anything physical!

ru2bz46's avatar

Thanks @AnnieOakley, I’ve done a LOT of unintended research on the matter over the years, and I know exactly what I don’t like to see my partners do.

DarkScribe's avatar

As long as oral sex is just talking about it, probably not. Otherwise, yes it sure is. I would regard oral sex as worse than sexual intercourse – it is more personal.

FLUTH3R's avatar

I define cheating as

“ATLEAST a reasonable attempt to engage in anything sexual with another partner”

That means an attempt OR greater flies as cheating. “Unintentional” cheating simply means the person lacks a high enough level of caring about the relationship to refrain from that activity. If you know you hook up when you get drunk, use common sense and don’t put yourself in the situation, or else you do not care enough (my thought).

SuperMouse's avatar

@AnnieOakley I agree with your assessment, but would like to add that an emotional affair is cheating just as much as a physical affair. I had an affair and I was pretty sure that because it was never physical it wasn’t cheating. It was. I know it was because I purposely hid it from my SO. Physical or emotional, they both have the same devastating impact on a relationship.

chelseababyy's avatar

@SuperMouse Most definitely. And honestly for me, if I found out my boyfriend was cheating emotionally, instead of physically I think that would hurt a tiny bit more (however they would both hurt like hell) just because you can sleep with anyone, and not have an emotional attraction to them. But having that deeper connection I think is rare, and takes it to another level. The connection I have with my boyfriend, I’ve never had with anyone before, not even my ex of 3 years, and to know he’s found that with someone else, would totally break my heart.

ru2bz46's avatar

@SuperMouse and @chelseababyy The last time my wife cheated, it was an eight-month emotional affair with an ex-boyfriend who found her on MySpace. He’s on the opposite side of the country. She kept it hidden, but accidently left her email logged in one day the week before our tenth anniversary. That was definitely included in my initial statement of anything that would upset your partner if they knew. That was the act that caused me to move out.

ratboy's avatar

It becomes cheating when you’re caught.

chelseababyy's avatar

@ru2bz46 That’s horrible. I’m sorry. Emotional affairs are just as bad, if not worse, than physical ones.

ru2bz46's avatar

@chelseababyy I agree. She had blamed her affairs on her bipolar disorder, and I bought it for a while. When I talked to her doctor about it, he let me know that bipolar affairs (which are quite common) are the result of a mood swing and are impulsive in nature. They are not long term, nor are they kept secret. In her affairs, she hid them, kept them over time, and in a few cases began making future plans with the guy. We had worked things out after her initial string of physical/emotional affairs. It was five years later when she had the purely emotional affair.

pope52's avatar

If you have to ask, it’s cheating.

wundayatta's avatar

Are fantasies about someone who isn’t your SO cheating?

ru2bz46's avatar

@daloon No. We cannot control our thoughts, only our actions and intentions.

If you specifically plan to have that fantasy, especially if you plan to have it to mask the person you’re with, I’d say “maybe”.

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