General Question

The_Compassionate_Heretic's avatar

If you were dating a 30 year old person, how many sexual partners in their history would you consider to be excessive?

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42 Answers

westy81585's avatar

At 30…... if they were single the whole time or having smaller/more casual relationships. I would probably be alright with up to the 30 or so range.

Throw in a divorce or long term relationships or something and I would expect it to be significantly less.

The jist being I don’t like to hold peoples pasts (including sexual ones) against them. BUT, I do tend to find I’m less attracted to people who have huge numbers… But I think that just has to do with common personality traits.

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

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For the purpose of this question I’m going to assume a person sexually active since 15yrs old and never with a relationship- I’d call it at 45, that’s an average of 3 partners a year.

oratio's avatar

@hungryhungryhortence Lol, wow. I am 33 and have had 8. I am way behind.

AnnieOakley's avatar

At 30 I had been with about 4…but from what I understand, right now at this point in time a person who has not been married and is about 30, it is not uncommon to have had 20 or so partners (based on conversations with friends).

oratio's avatar

Why would it matter how many people have had? If I met a girl that had loads of them, that’s not something I would care much about. A virgin would not be something I would look for.

PandoraBoxx's avatar

How does one keep track of all the details for 20 people? Doesn’t that extend into people whose names you can’t remember? Does it require you to keep an excel spreadsheet of each person and their sexual history as well?

PandoraBoxx's avatar

How does one keep track of all the details for 20 people? Doesn’t that extend into people whose names you can’t remember? Does it require you to keep an excel spreadsheet of each person and their sexual history as well?

Is getting STDs or passing them along not a big deal?

ru2bz46's avatar

@PandoraBoxx In my younger days, I liked to fool around where I could. I never had what I’d consider a girlfriend until I was 22. I cannot remember the names, nor how many I was with back then (still not that many, even though I’m sounding a bit like a man-whore right now). To date, I’ve had three girlfriends, two of whom I married (one of them twice ‘cause I loved her that much).

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

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@PandoraBoxx: I don’t think I’m alone in having a written list of names for every sexual engagement. In a way it’s helped to decide who I really want to add to it. No prospective partner has asked me yet either for a number

SirBailey's avatar

I wouldn’t ask. Why? If it was excessive, your partner will probably lie.

cwilbur's avatar

I really don’t care. As long as he’s not cheating on me or giving me STDs, why should I care?

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

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@ru2bz46: I am persnickety selective naughty

MacBean's avatar

To me, as long as you can actually remember your number (and are not disease-ridden and trying to get into my pants), I’m fine with it. I don’t care how high the number actually is, as long as it’s important enough to you that you still know it. “I stopped counting” and “Who knows?” do not impress me.

tinyfaery's avatar

I’m more concerned with a person in the present. Unless a person has a disease (which should be disclosed), then I don’t care about sexual history.

ru2bz46's avatar

@MacBean If you are referring somewhat to my comment about not remembering names or numbers, it’s because that is long past (over 20 years), and most were not even “home runs”. I’m pretty sure it was under ten, but they were not important enough to me to date, nor was I to them. Trust me, I had no intention of impressing anyone as I am not impressed enough by it to have kept count.

capt_murph_e's avatar

i think there should be a range.

1 < 20 sexually liberal
21 < 40 hormonal / promiscuous
41 < 60 whore/slut
61 < infinity prostitute

oratio's avatar

@capt_murph_e Wow. Fantastic.
I am not sure if I want to say “Welcome to fluther” or “Are you for real?”

Sarcasm?

• Let me ask you, where does your mother fit in in that range?

nikipedia's avatar

What possible difference could it make? If his number is high, I might hope that he has a few more tricks up his sleeve…

Milladyret's avatar

It’s not how many partners my SO’s had, its more the LACK of experience that would bother me…

Darwin's avatar

It isn’t how many partners, it is whether he speaks of them kindly or not.

Someone who bad-mouths a previous lover is either someone who has not moved on, or someone who will bad-mouth me..

loser's avatar

Does it really matter? No.

casheroo's avatar

I don’t think there is a set number. Some people just have more partners than others, they could have had sex with just one over a thousand times for all I know.
Why stop at judging how many people and not how many times? ~

(seriously though, it really depends on the person.)

MacBean's avatar

@ru2bz46: Actually, I didn’t read anybody else’s answers before writing mine, so it definitely wasn’t directed at you.

adreamofautumn's avatar

I think it depends on the person and you and whether you are going to judge them based on the number. That said, I think in some cases it’s hard to assess. A friend of mine asked me if I thought the number of people she “slept with” seems unreasonably high for our age…but we decided that since she’s a lesbian and the definition of having had sex with differs from that of a heterosexual it’s like comparing apples and oranges. If a man “fools around” with 10 women but they “didn’t have sex” does he count them on his number of people he’s had sex with? Whereas if a lesbian does the EXACT SAME THING the man did and counts it as “having had sex” that puts her number immediately higher than his on the number of people i’ve HAD SEX with list. So I guess it depends a lot on personal opinions (frankly I don’t care as long as you don’t have an STD I need to worry about) as well as definitions etc. This may not be relevant here, but I think it’s an interesting sidenote!

ru2bz46's avatar

@adreamofautumn Spit out the Clinton KoolAid®. Sex is sex, and “is” means “is”.

adreamofautumn's avatar

@ru2bz46 I think you could have framed that response in a less rude way. And for that matter, I agree with you, but so many people define “sex” by just “sexual intercourse” and/or heterosexual sex that you have to wonder if they just believe that lesbians don’t have sex then, in which case a numerical assessment of partners would still be skewed.

mattbrowne's avatar

Is there a theoretical limit? Suppose she started at the age of 16 and had sex with 5 different men every day. That’s 24920 sexual partners. Oh, I forgot the leap years but I guess you get the picture… What does the The Guinness Book of World Records say?

ru2bz46's avatar

I’m sorry @adreamofautumn; I was in a rush to get out the door this morning. You should have heard it when I wrote it. The tone was much lighter. Damn these textual communication devices… ;-)

wundayatta's avatar

4.5? And I’d really worry about that half person!

CMaz's avatar

I would say past the 200 mark for guys.
Past the 20 for women.

adreamofautumn's avatar

@ChazMaz why the double standard?

CMaz's avatar

Because I am a man.

adreamofautumn's avatar

@daloon always with the witty comments. ;).

@CrazMaz that really isn’t acceptable reasoning.

CMaz's avatar

It is for me. :-)

wundayatta's avatar

@adreamofautumn So, first they complain about how much I write, and next they complain about the one-offers. I think I’m gonna retire and go fishing. I hate fishing.

wundayatta's avatar

Seriously, though, don’t we all (except those of us with a bad self-image) tend to be prejudiced towards the affinity groups we belong to? If a double standard advantages you, then you like it. If not, not.

CMaz's avatar

I also like to belive that the woman I am with has never been with another man or less then 3. :-)
One of my hangups.
But, as the great DALOON once said ^ , “If a double standard advantages you, then you like it. If not, not.”

Response moderated
wundayatta's avatar

@RebeccaSJ Just sort of curious—why do you think your personal experience is “probably something of a guideline?”

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