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msl21's avatar

Is it really just space or is it over?

Asked by msl21 (10points) June 7th, 2009

I started dating a guy a few months ago & this past week he went on vaca. I talked to him yesterday on his way home from the beach & he told me i gave him no space while he was there but i had no clue he wanted space. I asked how he felt about us and he didn’t want to together if i acted that way. He’s the one that told me he loved me first & that he was falling for me. I have had trust issues in the past bc of bad relationships and am always thinking the worst? Do you think he is still interested or do you think its over? We’re also in long distance relatoinship which makes it hard? How long should I not bother him for? Have I ruined it?

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29 Answers

msl21's avatar

please help me out. im going crazy not being able to talk to him.

PandoraBoxx's avatar

You’re in a long distance relationship, and you give him no space? Do you call him 15 times a day?

Is this someone you met on spring break? How old are you?

msl21's avatar

Im 21 and hes 24..I met him through one of my best guy friends from home. They both go to school together.
I would text or call him each day and we would talk briefly. The last 2 or 3 days we’d be in the middle of a conversation and he’d just stop texting me.

PandoraBoxx's avatar

Sounds like something must be going on. Either there are some other issues going on where dealing with a relationship is not a priority right now, or he’s met someone else that’s there. If it’s the later, he should tell you and not leave you hanging. Sometimes it’s helpful to stop initiating the conversations, and let him do all the work. Give him space. In the meantime, go out with your friends, and continue to meet new people.

msl21's avatar

Yeah thats what I have been doing.but it still is driving me crazy. I was thinking that something else might be going on. But i dunno.. I was thinking about waiting until say tuesday and if he doesnt get ahold of me call and just find out what is going on.

PandoraBoxx's avatar

What is the likelihood of living in the same place? If it’s slim to none, you’re wasting your time.

msl21's avatar

we talked about that. he is the one that said he could see us talking for a long time.. he made everything seem so perfect and hes the one that initated everything being so great and recently before he left i felt the same way, which has made it soo much worse. what are you suppose to think when hes telling me im everything hes ever wanted.

PandoraBoxx's avatar

You may be everything he wants, but unless you live in the same place and share a life, you’re just a dream. Be flattered that you’re his dream girl, but unless you’re in a position to have a real relationship, it’s all hypothetical. You need to move on.

ru2bz46's avatar

It sounds like he’s telling you these things to keep you on the hook while he’s off doing what he wants. He’s just not that into you. I’m sorry.

filmfann's avatar

When I have been in love with someone, I never wanted any space from them.
His feelings have changed if he did love you. I am sorry.

msl21's avatar

so you think i should just not contact him until he contacts me? or should i wait a few days to show him i can give him space then give him and call and find out exactly what is going on?

ubersiren's avatar

I agree with @filmfann. If he felt the same way, he wouldn’t feel smothered by you calling him. If he’s bailing in the middle of the conversation, that sounds like he’s just tired of communicating by text or long distance. Maybe if you were closer it would work better. Also, the fact that it’s driving you nuts not talking to him sort of supports that you had been calling/texting too much. Just let him go… whether or not he’s trying to just take a break, or let you go gently… don’t wait for him and don’t call him. Date other people in the mean time. Even if it hurts to do it and you don’t want to, you need to see value in other people to start the moving on process. This doesn’t sound like “the one” to me.

Aethelwine's avatar

I really can’t add anything new here. If he says he needs space, he means it. It’s unfortunate that he’s stringing you along. Give him what he asks for and go live your life. You deserve better! Good luck.

PandoraBoxx's avatar

The fact that you’re in a long distance relationship, and his vacation plans didn’t involve coming to see you, means you’re not dating. You’re in a long distance flirtation based upon infatuation. Dating is spending time with a person, going places together, sharing experiences.

msl21's avatar

the reason i didnt go with him is because it was only him and his dad, not even his whole family. i saw him the day before he left for the beach and everything was fine. he stated i didnt give him space while he was at the beach, he didnt mean in our relationship he wanted space.

msl21's avatar

and we live about an hour & a 1/2 from each other, its not like its a really long distance.

May2689's avatar

I think that if its not over yet, it will be very soon. It looks like hes trying to push you away, and using the space reason as an excuse. Maybe he feels its not working anymore.

msl21's avatar

but hes always honest with me. thats why i dont think its that reason. hes a very upfront person like me, he would have said that by now.

Aethelwine's avatar

The best that you can do right now is wait for him to call you. If he wants to talk to you he will call. When he does, tell him how you feel and hopefully he will be honest with you.

AnnieOakley's avatar

I agree with ru2bz46 – he not into you. Maybe he was – but I think he’s seeing someone else. Stop trying to communicate with him, get busy with your friends and being open to meeting new people.

saraaaaaa's avatar

I agree with everyone else, wait for him to call you. It’s a tactic thats known to work well and then if things do happen to go downhill (fingers crossed they don’t though) then you will be able to hold your head high and know that you didn’t plead or show obvious need for him and that you are strong.

I hope this is ok, this is of course just my way of doing things. But I do wish you all the best as it’s not fair for you to be treated this way, your self worth is far more important!

msl21's avatar

thanks for everything so far everyone! ive just been trying to hang out with friends when i dont work so i dont worry about things.. however he is the person who doesnt normally initate the conversation because he never knows when im working so he normally waits for me to get ahold of him.. should i still however wait on him?

ru2bz46's avatar

I’m sure he’s got a pretty good idea of when you work. He doesn’t want to make the effort when he has you to do all the work. He knows you will call, so he’ll just keep on with his life. Don’t call him. Eventually, he’ll wonder what’s up and call. Tell him what’s upsetting you then because you’ll have his attention. If you call, he won’t see a problem, and he’ll ignore what you have to say.

msl21's avatar

i work different hours every week..it differs day to day.
but im trying as hard as i can not to call him. i would just like to no whats up though..thats what is making it the worst, not knowing.

ru2bz46's avatar

He’l have to leave a message if you’re at work. That’s what technology is for.

Try busying yourself more. I know it’s hard, but you’ll be better for it. Like Nietzsche said, “That which does not kill us makes us stronger.” Nobody’s yet died from not knowing what their guy was doing for a couple weeks. Try and fill your time as much as possible. My favorite (and I’m sure some readers are getting tired of hearing it) is yoga. If you let it, it will change your life…for the better. Not only will it help you pass the time now, but it will help calm your nerves and brighten your outlook throughout your life.

amoreno06's avatar

i feel like it was me who wrote this question…
my bf also wanted “space”. told me this last night.
he said he wanted to take a break from me for a week.
that i make him feel miserable everytime he thinks about me but he still wants to be with me.
pff. whatever.
i took it as “this is me breaking up with you.”
i’m done with him.
i thihnk

ru2bz46's avatar

@amoreno06 Be done and move on. Don’t look back. I’ve held on to things for years that I should have let go. I can’t get that time back.

amoreno06's avatar

@ru2bz46 yea…
i know i shouldn’t even talk to him. i doubt he’ll ask me to take him back. he’s got too much pride for his own good.
anyways, i deleted him from my myspace and put myself up as “single”
that’s the ultimate “i’m done with you” in my book hahaha

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