General Question

hlyx's avatar

What's the best way to get over a breakup with someone you've remained friends with?

Asked by hlyx (2points) June 12th, 2009

It’s a situation where cutting the person out of your life isn’t possible because you have far too many mutual friends.

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8 Answers

Bobbydavid's avatar

If you’ve remained friends then surely you’re already over the breakup or at least halfway there?

shrubbery's avatar

It’s ok to take some time out. Even for a small while. Just organise to see your friends without the person being involved, they should understand. If not, what were you doing with them in the first place?! But you have to take charge, you have to be the one who organises to see your friend and not invite the person, because your friends won’t want to take sides, and they won’t want to invite one of you and not the other. And the person should be free to do the same thing also, don’t be offended if they organise a group outing and you’re not involved. Your mutual friends should understand.

ariaen's avatar

Give it time and open yourself for other relationships and deliberately focus on contact with other people you (might get to) care about.

whatthefluther's avatar

I’ve been in a similar situation and it will be quite awkward for awhile. It is especially tough seeing your ex with someone else, but in time, the feelings will dissipate and it is possible to remain friends. Of course, this is predicated on an amicable break-up. If it wasn’t such…well, I wish you luck, but it will be tough.

eadinad's avatar

Stop being friends, at least for a while.

Just because you have mutual friends doesn’t mean you two have to be friends. So you see them in groups – be polite, not hostile or cold, but that’s it. Don’t call them. Don’t text them. Don’t interact on facebook. Remove yourself from contact as much as possible.

That’s how you get over someone.

jackfright's avatar

Just let the relationship cool over time.
it’s always a bad idea to share all your friends, in my opinion which is why i make it a point to have multiple circles of friends. i suggest you do the same in the future, it’ll give you a wider pool of contacts, and you’re always free to move between them if you get sick of any particular scene.

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

Accept there’s going to be a time of tension, of things falling out while a new angle on the relationship rebuilds. A resilient friendship can come out of a failed relationship and give the friends a break too because they also need to adjust to the changes. Good luck.

shortysith's avatar

I’m currently in this situation. My ex and I have the same group of friends, and now I am dating one of our mutual friends which makes it hard for him. We hang out with our friends separately, and are as nice as possible. However, in order to avoid this in the future, it is good to keep your OWN set of friends. Learned from this one! Be amicable, you don’t have to be friends…it might happen someday. Time changes everything, but you can hang with ur friend separately but I would recommend getting out there and making new friends too. Not only is it enjoyable to meet new people, you won’t worry about ur ex so much.

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