General Question

ShanSlumbers's avatar

Am I Emotionally Cheating?

Asked by ShanSlumbers (34points) June 12th, 2009

Me and my boyfriend have been dating almost 6 months and lately we’ve been fighting and arguing a lot, but there’s no hiding how much I love him.
Here’s the issue…there’s one guy. I’ve seen him at a few things school related and I stumbled soon him on FAceboOk and added him. We got to talking and he’s really smart and cute and he’s not afraid to show his emotions, which has been my main issue regarding my boyfriend.
I’ve been texting him for a few days and we’ve made a connection. I know I would never cheat on my boyfriend, but I can’t help but have at least the tiniest crush on him.

What am I supposed to do?
I’m worried. It’s like I can’t control my heart. I know it’s not physical cheating but I know it’s wrong…


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27 Answers

chelseababyy's avatar

Cut ties before anything develops. Sometimes it happens without you even realizing it, so nip it in the bud before it even gets far enough for that to happen.

Facade's avatar

Don’t have contact with the guy anymore. Focus on your current relationship.

cyndyh's avatar

If you “know it’s wrong” then you’re cheating in some way in your heart. Stop it.

La_chica_gomela's avatar

If you want to avoid “emotionally cheating” you need to pick one. You said there’s no hiding how much you love your boyfriend but also that you “can’t control your heart”. If you really want to see where things could go with your crush, then you need to break up with your boyfriend. If you love your boyfriend too much to break up with him, then you need to stop hanging out with this other guy. Stringing them both along is unfair to both of them, and if you do it, you’ll probably end up with neither in the end.

whatthefluther's avatar

Yes, you are cheating, as you already well know. It’s not fair to anyone to continue along your current path. Pick one, break the news honestly and politely with the other one and live, laugh and love.

chelseababyy's avatar

As someone wise once said (about two minutes ago in the chat) if you have to ask, it’s cheating.

FrankHebusSmith's avatar

Finding yourself attracted (even strongly so) to someone other than your S/O happens, and is nothing necessarily to fear. As long as you are secure in your relationship, then you should be fine. Since you’ve only been together 6 months and you’re fighting, I can see how it may be an issue. Another thing you may want to consider is that you may simply be making this new guy out to be all the things that your current S/O is lacking (subconsciously so).

You don’t necessarily have to cut off all communication from the new guy (though it’s not a terrible idea), but you should probably cut back on the more personal conversations (I don’t think I’ve ever had a texting convo with a girl I wasn’t dating in some fashion).

Response moderated
PandoraBoxx's avatar

I’m going to venture a guess that from your grammar (“me and my boyfriend have been dating” instead of “my boyfriend and I” or “I’ve been dating my boyfriend”) that you’re in high school, and not college.

In high school, you’re supposed to date different people. You’re too young to be committed to one person. You’re losing interest in your boyfriend, and it’s time to move on. And that’s okay.

Bobbilynn's avatar

The grass is always greener, when fresh!

Bobbilynn's avatar

PandoraBoxx, just because of grammer, you might not want to assume. You know the rest

PandoraBoxx's avatar

If people are getting out of Freshman level English without being able to master basic “grammer” (sic), then all I can say is, move over, Sylvia Plath…

La_chica_gomela's avatar

@PandoraBoxx and @Bobbilynn: She’s 17, but I think @Bobbilynn makes a valid point. We see people use incorrect grammar and spelling on this site all the time, whether they’re 17 or 77. It’s always safer to avoid making assumptions. Heck, we all make grammatical (and other kinds of) boo boos every now and again. So, let’s not be too judgmental, right? :)

casheroo's avatar

If you have a crush on someone else, then you just might not be right with the guy you’re with. Do you really want to be with him? Or do you want to be friends with him? It’s okay to admit it’s over and move on.

Steven0512's avatar

There is no such thing as emotional cheating

cwilbur's avatar

Feeling attracted isn’t wrong – it’s often something that we have no control over. Acting on that attraction in a way that violates your relationship with your current SO is definitely wrong.

SirBailey's avatar

You’re in High School, you’re only going out with the first guy for 6 months, you’re ALREADY fighting and arguing a lot, you REALLY like this other guy… Hopefully you didn’t make any life commitment to the first guy (especially only after 6 months). Even if you did, tell him you want to see others and date the new guy. And date others, too.

evelyns_pet_zebra's avatar

why do people assume the first person they love is the only one for them? Love is a banquet, don’t just settle for the green beans (even if you really, really love green beans) when there are so many more options on the table.

ShanSlumbers's avatar

For the record, I’m actually very good at spelling as well as grammar. I was just focusing more on the issue at hand than my sentance structure at the time. I’m actually graduating later today.

Regarding Zebra’s statement, he isn’t my first love, but I do feel a strong connection.

Also… I do see things in this new guy that my boyfriend is lacking, such as apparent emotion and poetic words, but I’ve only known him a short time and we’ve never hung out.

I’m not going to cut ties with someone who’s interested in knowing me for me. I’m not going to mess around and cheat on my boyfriend, I just wish I knew what else to do..

Phobia's avatar

If you ever want to find out if you are cheating or not, you have to ask yourself, “Would I want my S/O doing the same thing?” but don’t forget to include how he may feel about the situation also.

I agree with @SirBailey, hopefully you haven’t made a life commitment after only 6 months, especially while you are in high school. Fighting and arguing alot is an obvious sign of an unhealthy relationship, you should figure out how stable your current relationship is before you decide.

Also, here’s something from experience: I have been left for someone else, and I have been cheated on. Let me tell you, I was much happier being left for someone else, then to find the girl, I loved, cheating and in love with someone else. I still respect and have a friendship with the girl who just left, I haven’t spoke to the cheater in four years.

justus2's avatar

@Steven0512 what do you mean there is no such thing as emotional cheating? of course there is, my fiance explained it to me as if I go to another person for emotional support on something instead of him and don’t plan to ever tell him like I am getting my feelings taken care of by someone else then that is emotionally cheating and it is true, I want me to be the one my fiance comes to when he needs someone to talk to or has a problem.
As for the question, do what your heart tells you to do, like phobia said, it would be much beter to leave him for someone else if you dont have the same connection you used to than to cheat on him, both may hurt but at least one is not deceitful, it hurts a lot less and is honest about your feelings, if you don’t feel it for him anymore then leave him, don’t lead either one on.

CMaz's avatar

” Am I Emotionally Cheating?”
Yes, and if you do not cut it off it will not be for the better. Unless you are looking.

Poser's avatar

Your problem with your boyfriend is that he isn’t emotional and doesn’t use poetic enough language? Are you sure you want to date a man?

tiffyandthewall's avatar

either break things off with your current boyfriend and try things with this guy, or don’t continue talking to this guy and work on things with your boyfriend. it’s not wrong to want something else, but if you do, you should break up with your boyfriend before you develop more of a crush on this other guy.

kerryyylynn's avatar

Is your current boyfriend worth missing a chance on life?

allinoel's avatar

i’m going through the same thing as well. i dont know what to do either. my bf doesnt know about my texting this other guy. i feel so bad. how did ur situation end up? can you help me??

Imacatch's avatar

OK watch this: if you and your guy went out and seen this new dude, you would get immediately convicted. if you guy was around and the new guy approached you, you would feel like you were in a compromised position, like you cheated or needed to clarify something, or like you got caught. ” i feel an emotional connection” is not enough to cause you to loose interest in your guy. Your guy just may be a manish man, one who is just not all fuzzy with emotion. but he do care and do love ya. its up to you to learn your mans behavior and see if thats what you want to deal with. i dont even think you realized how quickly you attatched yourself to this newguy. first you see him, crush him and now are emotionally attatched. you feel superior by saying i wont cheat i wont but keep letting your emotions fly. all it takes is for new boy to have a “problem” to respond to your emotional wires that are already lit, because you have made it accessible to him, and you’ll be saying i dont know how this happened. look…..I’m attracted to beople. but i dont allow my attractions to make me act certain ways. i’m attrative and see people admiring me. i meet people that have what my spouse dont. but thats just like a commerical. i see it and say ooo. but i dont go buy the whole magazine and go to the little girls room. young lady, if you want to be with anyone, you have to check your perspective. find out what you think is far and ok. Dont hold your man hostage becuase he’s not some romeo. he was enough to get you but now you want him to be like your homegirls…he’s not…he’s ya man. fix it sweetie!!!

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