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evelyns_pet_zebra's avatar

What are your favorite funny euphemisms?

Asked by evelyns_pet_zebra (12883points) June 14th, 2009

The ones that always crack me up are ‘Dropping the kids off at the pool’ and ‘nuttier than squirrel shit’. I’ve heard some great ones over the years, including something about a frog in a sock by an Australian guy. What are some of yours?

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28 Answers

gailcalled's avatar

@Evelyn’s: What are your two examples euphemisms of? I would conisider “passed” a euphemism for “died,” and “limbs” the Victorian euphemisms of “legs.” Even pianos couldn’t have legs.

cookieman's avatar

From the Oxford American:

euphemism |ˈyoōfəˌmizəm|
a mild or indirect word or expression substituted for one considered to be too harsh or blunt when referring to something unpleasant or embarrassing : “downsizing” as a euphemism for cuts. The opposite of dysphemism.

ORIGIN late 16th cent.: from Greek euphēmismos, from euphēmizein ‘use auspicious words,’ from eu ‘well’ + phēmē ‘speaking.’

I’ve always liked “croaked” for “died” – but I’m not sure how that’s any less harsh.

Fyrius's avatar

I think “making the beast with two backs” and “doing the horizontal monkey dance” are two great euphemism for having sex. The first one in a literate way, the other in a silly one.
I also recall friends referring to taking a crap as “accompanying a Negro to the subway.” But people might consider that one a bit on the politically incorrect side. Pretty sure it wasn’t supposed to be racist though.
And for the liquid variant of using the loo, there’s “making a libation to the Porcelain Altar.”

cookieman's avatar

My favorite phrase: “Sharp as a Beach Ball” instead of “Dumb”.

Which I think is a double-euphemism as “sharp” is a euphemism for “smart”.

do I get extra points? ;^)

Fyrius's avatar

That last one is more of a dead metaphor than of a euphemism.

juwhite1's avatar

Letting someone go instead of firing them. Like they were really hoping you’d “let” them go!

cookieman's avatar

@Fyrius: So could that be a croaked metaphor then?

Fyrius's avatar

A late metaphor that kicked the bucket and went pushing up the daisies from six feet under.

cookieman's avatar

…‘cuz it won’t be down for dinner as it bought the farm.

kerryyylynn's avatar

“Straight as a rainbow” for being gay. Great stuff.

LexWordsmith's avatar

“Squeezes Lincoln ‘til he shrieks” for “miserly, or tight with a penny” would have been my favorite, until i saw “straight as a rainbow.”

lloydbird's avatar

‘Parking my breakfast’ for an afternoon poop. ‘Parking my supper’ for the morning equivalent.

filmfann's avatar

“Playing 5 on 1” for jerking off.

evelyns_pet_zebra's avatar

so I meant metaphor instead of euphemism. Thanks to the Language Police for correcting my obvious faux pas. :-)

‘Dropping the kids off at the pool’ for taking a shit, and ‘nuttier than squirrel shit’ to mean effing crazy.

And some of these I am going to start using on a regular basis. Thanks.

knitfroggy's avatar

Busier than a one legged man in an ass kicking contest
Shitting in High Cotton (Thinking you’re doing well or getting one over on someone)
Crazier than a shithouse rat

juwhite1's avatar

He doesn’t know enough to pour piss out of a boot with a hole in the toe and directions on the heel… I’m sure the origin of that one is quite interesting! Who pisses in their boots in the first place?

LexWordsmith's avatar

filmfann: “visiting Mary Palm and her five daughters”

EPZ: You are welcome. I’m pleased to see that my posse were on the job. I’m glad about feeling confident that you won’t make that mistake again.— The Language High Sheriff<grin>

juwhite1: “let” in the phrase that you cite does not mean “allow”—it means “cause” (an older meaning, preserved in phrases like “let them know”). and as a noun it can mean “obstacle”! (in, f.e., “without let or hindrance”, and in racket-and-net games). Some other examples of words embracing (in “big tent” style) apparently contradictory meanings are cleave, halve, and (especially confusingly in newspaper headlines) “sanction”.

Fyrius's avatar

(^ See what I did there? Putting an @ in front of the name makes it all red and linky. And underlined. And whatnot.)

Language Enforcement Officer reporting for duty, sir.
Will we get to give her a ticket next time? Free money. >:D

LexWordsmith's avatar

@Fyrius : TNX!

and, yes, you may keep 95% of whatever you can bamboozle the perp into thinking the fine is, and send the other 5% to the perp’s favorite charity—for myself, i seek nothing but the selfless satisfaction of elevating the community standards.

headline on USA State Dept. all-purpose press release:
“USA Sanctions Iran Election Results”

and, now, i think that my job here is done—Hi-yo, Platinum! Away!

scamp's avatar

Well butter my butt and call me a biscuit, look who’s here!

knitfroggy's avatar

I thought of another one I like. If my grandma sees a car she likes or something she’ll say, “I wish I had that Cadillac and he had a feather up his butt, then we’d both be tickled!” We have shortened it a bit to just to ” I wish he had a feather up his butt” usually though.

Bluefreedom's avatar

Busier than a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs.

Sorry, that’s all that came to mind on short notice.

lloydbird's avatar

She/He has a face like a Bulldog chewing a Wasp.
A face like a sack of Bulldog pups.

Funny, but don’t quote me.

filmfann's avatar

a face like a bag of crushed assholes.

LexWordsmith's avatar

anybody have a good feel for the difference between a euphemism and a euphuism? i know the dictionary definitions, but i don’t really “feel” them very effectively.

in answer to the original Q: How about “The hand that rocked the cradle kicked the bucket” for “The mother died.”?

Fyrius's avatar

A face like a saint.

@LexWordsmith: I only just learned about the existence of the word “euphuism”. I’ll give it a nice place in my vocabulary. It’s new to my spell checker, too.
Judging from the Wiktionary definition, the difference must be that a euphemism is a way to avoid having to say a taboo (or otherwise nasty sounding) word or phrase, whereas a euphuism seems to be just a really fancy way to say whatever it is you want to say.

LexWordsmith's avatar

@Fyrius : great explanation, very helpful—thanks!

Fyrius's avatar

Glad I could help.

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