Has anyone suffered a loss so great that the damage cannot be erased?

Over the past few years I have not only been damaged by loss and grief but I know of others who have as well. In this case, control is an illusion. People often don’t realize that it is you, and only you who can change your situation- change to make life better, for you. It is so hard to want to help someone else but realize that you can do nothing to help. I’m such a control freak most of the time! I need to help-somehow. How do I help my best friend deal with the loss of his younger brother and not intrude upon his life or his feelings? I do my best to just be there for him but it’s so hard to stop at that. A hug certainly won’t take that kind of pain away, years haven’t. I don’t expect to make it better. I just don’t know how to not to try.