General Question

kayysamm's avatar

How can I cope with some sort of depression ?

Asked by kayysamm (435points) June 21st, 2009

Alot of things have been going on in my life the past month and things just worse and worse, nothing is getting better. My boyfriend and i got ina huge fight said things people would say to make someone commit suicide. He got me kicked out my house where i live with my father. Worse part is my father is the only family I have left from my familys divorce. I lost some of my close friends i gained from mine and his relationship because of his lies.

How can I move on with this and cope with it the right way ? To be honest all I want to do is take some serious pills and just blackout till I feel better. How do people cope with this type of problems ?

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20 Answers

cwilbur's avatar

Remember that being unhappy is sometimes the honest response to things going badly. If everything around you is going to hell, and you feel miserable about it, that’s not depression—that’s a legitimate response.

That said, there are really two ways to feel better. One is to do something about the problem, and the other is to take medication that helps you feel better while you do something about the problem. Some combination of the two is probably what you’ll need to get through this.

SirBailey's avatar

First of all, those close friends were never friends if they could turn against you so easily, so don’t worry about them.

And how did HE get you kicked out of your father’s? That’s an ugly thing to happen to you. I hope you’re not living on the street or anything like that.

Call your local hospitals. Find one that has a Psychiatric Emergency Room. Call them and ask to speak to a Social Worker over the phone. Make sure to tell them you’re considering taking pills till you black out, the emotional pain is so bad.

And tell them you have no insurance and can’t afford anything. They can advise you as to the free clinics in your area that could help you. Good luck.

mammal's avatar

i’m sure your eyelashes will see you through

SirBailey's avatar

Eyelashes? What about those EYES! :)

Jeruba's avatar

Shame on you, @mammal, for a flippant answer to a serious question.

FutureMemory's avatar

@Jeruba No shit! Try some compassion, I promise it won’t hurt.

augustlan's avatar

[mod says] This is a serious question folks, let’s try to be helpful.

augustlan's avatar

Please remember, this is a temporary situation. I have been where you are many, many times and I promise you it will get better. It always does. In the meantime, you probably need to see your doctor and let him/her know how you’re feeling. Counseling and/or medication can do wonders. Good luck to you!

kayysamm's avatar

The stort behind him getting me kicked out,

HE came to my house at two in the morning after a whole day of fighting, slamming on my front door i finally got up answered it. He walked in my house screaming ” give me my F**** S*** back B**. i told him go outside my house on the porch i will get his stuff for him. He said thats not good enough went to my dad room banging on the door, saying GEORGE you better control your daughter she is a nut job im going to F*** kill her if i get my hands on her. I ran outside to his car to put his shit away he tried swinging and hitting me and some kid jumped out his car to stop him. Then my dad told him to leave in 10 secs or he would call the cops. So i go back up the steps trying to get in the front door my dad said there is no way in hell your coming back in this house. I cnt bleieve you would bring him here and let him do that. I was like so ur kicking me out. He said he never wanted to see my face again. so ive been staying at different peoples house till i can get my own place.

Dog's avatar

After reading your previous questions and this question perhaps your father asking you to leave is due to your instability in your relationships. It is very possible that he can no longer take the drama and fears that you are spiraling despite anything he does.

It is possibly his last resort at trying to help you- to let you go in hopes that you finally realize you are worthy of so much more in life and will be motivated to change.

Your Father cannot make you love yourself or give you self esteem- it has to come from you.

Why do I think you might have low self esteem? Because this last altercation for most would end with a restraining order and attempted battery charges against this boyfriend.

You deserve so much better.

Now would be a great time to get out a paper and pen and write down what you want to be in 5 years- and WHO you want to be. Then write down all the ideal attributes you would like to find in a soul mate. Not what he looks like- what he IS like and how you want to be treated.

Your mind is depressed because you have been allowing your life to lead you and you have not been in control. Take control and your spirit will lift. DARE TO DREAM. DARE TO PLAN.

You can get through this and come out stronger and better.

Reach for the stars… YOU CAN DO IT!
I know you can because I did.

cdwccrn's avatar

Hang in there. Things will get better. Grieving is never without pain but a necessary part of life.
Perhaps after you have completely cleared this creep out of your life, your dad will welcome you back into his.

chyna's avatar

Is this the same guy in the thread that Dog linked that you were breaking off with 2 months ago?

cak's avatar

@I’m thinking @Dog might have really hit the nail on the head about your father. If you have experienced ongoing things like this, you dad might be stuck in a place where he just doesn’t know how to help you…or if he can help you. I’m not saying it was a great decision, but it’s putting you in the position where you are forced to deal with reality and make some tough decisions, which you may not think you can make, but believe me, you can.

I hope you know it is time to value yourself more than you have in the past. When making that list @Dog suggested, keep this in mind, it’s okay to be alone. Don’t rush back into a relationship. It sounds like you need to work on you, before you have someone in your life, again. Also, it’s time you make friends on your own, not through a relationship. That way, you know that they know you for you, not through someone else and not to be influenced by someone else.

I do agree that you need to find a clinic or someplace where you can seek some help, but hope that initial feeling of despair has passed. If you are strong enough to put this in writing and start to visually face what you are going through, you are strong enough to keep moving forward.

Listen, this won’t be easy. The pain you are dealing with might have more to do with facing what is going on with your life – more than the jerk that just left your life. It sounds like you’ve been through some crap…it can take a bit to dig out from it, but you can do it. Tomorrow, try to find that help. Also, start that list.

You are worth the time that it will take to put your life back on track. You are worth having friends and you are worth – when you are ready for a relationship – someone that will respect you and treat you right. A person that threatens physical harm…so not worth your time!

wundayatta's avatar

When I graduated from college, my girlfriend, the only love I had ever had, dumped me. I didn’t have a job, so I went back home to look for one. All my friends were spread around the country, so I had no friends, no girlfriend and no job. It was the middle of a recession, so I couldn’t find a job. My parents thought I wasn’t looking, so one night, they kicked me out. Just like that. No time for clothes packing or anything. Out the door and into the woods with the clothes on my back and nothing else.

I spent the night with a friend, and in the morning, I went to a local restaurant, and got a job as a dishwasher. Based on that, my parents let me come back, but I had to be gone soon. (My brother and sister saw all this happen, and said the lesson they learned was not to come back home after college).

I lasted almost a week at the restaurant, and walked out on a Saturday night with dishes piled up higher than I could see on three sides of me. My father was moving his company into a new office, and he hired me to do some carpentry so I could make some money to move to NYC. A couple months later, I left for NYC with $400 in my pocket.

What he did worked. It made me do something. Take action. I did some high-level begging in NYC—asking people to take me in who I had only the most tenuous of connections with. Amazingly, there were all willing to help me. I connected with some people I knew from college, got an apartment, and eventually got a shit job as a canvasser. I got good at it, and things got better after that. Eventually, the wound my lover had inflicted scabbed over, and healed, although with a pretty ugly scar.

Thirty years later, I’m doing pretty well—kids, nice house, good job, wonderful wife, success at overcoming mental illness.

Sometimes I think my father did me a favor, kicking me out. It made me take action. I learned a lot of skills in coping with the world, and I was able to overcome the problems I faced.

However, I swore that I would never turn anyone away in my situation. When my brother graduated from college, he didn’t go home. He came to live with me until he found a place and moved out.

I think the school of hard knocks can be a good school, but I don’t think it’s the best way to learn. Still, sometimes you have no choice in the matter.

I think you’re learning about taking care of yourself. You’ve found friends to help you. You are in pain, deep pain, and yet you are finding a way to take care of yourself. You should be very proud of yourself for being able to do that.

You may not be able to see how you will overcome these problems now, but I feel very confident that you will work it out. It will be a struggle, but you will learn a lot, and it will make you much stronger for the rest of your life. You can do these things even while you are depressed. I mean, it is possible to do it.

Years from now, I think you’ll be looking back, too, and see how much you overcame to get to where you will be then. I don’t know if that helps. My friends taught me to think ‘this too, shall pass’ when horrible things happened.

Humans are very resilient. It may seem horrible now, but it will pass, and you will learn from it, and you will learn that you can take care of yourself. You’ll learn that you think enough of yourself to take care of yourself. No drugs. No hiding from the pain. Just finding a way to endure and overcome it.

Good luck!

SirBailey's avatar

Hey! You’re only 18 years old. You don’t think you have parents or relatives you can reach out to. That means there’s a whole lot of bad stuff going on in your life that should NOT be going on. The boyfriend is just the tip of the iceberg. One has to wonder if the reason you stayed with this abusive jerk was because you feel you have no one else.

You were living with your father. I suspect, when things cool down a bit, he’ll talk to you. He’s your father.

Just the same, you need to get counseling to deal with these people and to deal with the monstrous amount of problems you have for your age.

DarkScribe's avatar

As the father of five daughters, and the couple of decades of experience with them and the various problems they encounter in life, I have to wonder, is there something that you’re not telling us? The reason I ask is that it seems unusual for one incident to cause your father to react in this fashion. It seems more like a “straw that broke the camel’s back” sort of response”. If that is the case then there are going to be other issues that you will have to address. If that is not the case then I apologise. Your father would appear to be a very unusual man to react in such an arbitrary fashion with so little provocation. Most fathers’ instinct would be to protect their daughters from a violent or angry boyfriend.

kayysamm's avatar

My ex boyfriend had serious anger problems, i told him he needed to get help with them and if he didnt see someone i would try to get one someone for him or i would try to help. My ex boyfriend coudl never talk about anything he was a very independent person and kept everything to himself. He could never talk about his true feeling she saw it as a sign of weakness. When i would cry infront of him he would jerk me round and tell me to suck it up that tears arent worth anything. My exboyfriend was amazing to me when he wanted but when not he was horrible.

as @DarkScribe saidthis was the straw to break the camels back. My dad didnt like that i spent alot of time away from home and i was never home with him and that i would come home at late hours. But if he where to ask where i was i would tell him i never once lied to him. But he saw how much matt ( my ex boyfriend) hurt me and how upset i got when i wasnt with him. He wanted me to be happy and I thought the only way i could be happy was with matt. But all my friends say i was horrible with him.

I felt matt was the only thing i had in the world my family was gone after i moved all my friends in my old town lost contact, matt was my only one. And now that he isnt there i dont know how to deal.

I want to go to someone to get help for the simple fact that i cant deal with any thing like this. I get in horrible mood swings and half the time i really want to die. Its like nothing i have or do is ever good enough for ANYONE. And it breaks me down to horrible terms. I have breakdowns at least 4 hours a day, just literally crying my eyes out and thinking my life is going no where.

@dog im not sure how to start this list because i dont know what i want to go to college for or what i want to be when im older.

—but thank you for what every single one of you said, you will never understand how it really does help me, thank you guys.—

SirBailey's avatar

I hope the next time we hear from you, you tell us you connected with some help. Make sure you tell them about your breakdowns and wanting to die.

There are suicide prevention telephone hotlines that can tell you where to get help also.

Dog's avatar

Regarding the list- It is not about college. It is about you and who you want to be as a person.

Did you notice that your above response was mostly about your ex and even gave reasons excuses for his ill treatment of you? It sounds like he is not an ex in your mind and he seems to be an obsession to you.

Please do get help. You matter. Perhaps your mental state was cultivated and nurtured by your relationship but regardless you need to find help to get on track.

Life is worth living. Wonderful and happy moments will come.
Get help and you will find it is so worth it.

mammal's avatar

@SirBailey i have complimented the eyes all ready, amazing

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