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starfry's avatar

What should i say to my ex best friends email that she sent me barely apologizing for what happened between us?

Asked by starfry (4points) June 28th, 2009

Well we were sooper best friends for a while and she lived in a really bad place. My parents decided that she could move in with us since we trusted her so much and she was like a sister to me. I did everything for her. She never really did anything in return during our friendship.

She moved back into her old abusive home because she just wanted to be closer to her boyfriend. She lived downtown and so did her boyfriend but I didn’t. I know that’s the only reason why she moved back because she absolutely hated her dad more than anything but she went back without telling me anything.

The day she left was the last day I spoke to her and she sent me and email a couple of days ago and I don’t know what to say. she barely apologized in the email. I don’t really know what else to say to explain much but if you want more information just let me know, thanks.

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15 Answers

The_Compassionate_Heretic's avatar

Your options are as follows:
1. Forgive
2. Don’t forgive

It sounds like she’s going through a very hard time in her life right now. I’d recommend compassion and not just because it’s in my username.

jrpowell's avatar

Why does she need to apologize? It sounds like she decided that (close to boyfriend + bad living situation > Living at your house)

Did she steal your iPod on her way out?

starfry's avatar

lol she probably would have if she saw it.

TheWatcher's avatar

I’m not one for cruelty. But I think this. You should not forgive. All her problems are no excuse for her being a snob.

The_Compassionate_Heretic's avatar

@starfry You sound angry. Sleep on it before you do anything.

starfry's avatar

Ya but the thing is I don’t know how I feel. Like ya, I was mad but mostly sad and disappointed and I miss our friendship more than anything but I don’t think she really cares as much as I do.

irocktheworld's avatar

I hate to say that it turned out that she chose her boyfriend over you but its your decision and do what you think you should do, good luck!

gooch's avatar

Call her everybody needs a friend. For all you know this is a cry for help. What will it cost you besides PRIDE. I am all for second chances. I got one before and I promise to not let her down. After all we all screw up sooner or later…I did and boy I regret hurting her. So be bigger and give her a call the past is the past and it can’t ever be changed but the future can it is just up to you.

missingbite's avatar

If she is really in an abusive situation then her actions are not abnormal. Abused people often don’t know how to communicate and often choose people to be with that are abusive as well. She needs a friend. Please be one to her. Unless she starts stealing or something else, just support her and help her make good choices.

Jeruba's avatar

I didn’t catch why she is your EX best friend.

PandoraBoxx's avatar

“No good deed goes unpunished.” Trying to do the right thing for another person rarely turns out the way you think it should.

Perhaps she feels like living at your house carries an obligation to you and your family that she doesn’t feel she is able or willing to uphold. Or perhaps life in your house feels fake to how she perceives her life going when she turns 18.

She still needs you as a friend, even if she can’t make the decisions you want her to.

OpryLeigh's avatar

Like someone has already said, I’m not sure what it is that she is supposed to apologise for. It’s up to her where she lives and if she really loves her boyfriend then she is obviously willing to put up with an less than perfect living arrangement in order to be close to him. I would do the same for the person I love if I really had to. It’s not your decision who she lives with and maybe at the time she felt that she couldn’t talk to you about her decision because she knew that you wouldn’t approve. Maybe (and I hope this doesn’t sound too harsh) you are thinking too much about your feelings and not enough about your so called (ex) best friend. You did a really good thing by letting her move in with you but that doesn’t mean you own her. The fact that she has emailed you may mean that she is ready to open up about her decision and if you still want a friendship it might do you good to listen to what she has to say.

Having said all of that I can only go by what you have told us. I may have misunderstood completely but from what you have said it sounds like you have been just as selfish as you think she has by believing that she should be apologising to you for making a decision (whether you believe it was right or wrong) to be closer to someone she loves.

Take some time, think about what is REALLY upsetting you about the situation and what it is you think she should apologise for and then talk to her. Tell her how you felt when she left without talking to you.

I really hope that nothing I said was too harsh and I apologise if I have caused offence, I don’t mean to I just wanted to answer your question as honestly as I could

Jeruba's avatar

Well thought and well said, @Leanne1986.

snapdragon24's avatar

I see everyone telling you to be a good friend to her, but you HAVE been a good friend…and well, she walks right passed it cause her issues are her only concern. Now she’s back for more of your support…I totally get why you want an apology and why you are frustrated. She showed massive lack of appreciation. I say – tell her what you think, forgive and let it go…and dont get close again…cause if she pulls that again, you are gonna wanna shoot you and her !

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