Is there anyone else out there who has trouble saying no?

I realized today, in therapy, that I am afraid to say no, especially to people I am, say, married to. I’m afraid that if I don’t do everything they want, they will leave me. I can say no, but I prefer not to. When I know she wants to ask me to do something that I don’t want to do, I try to make it difficult for her to ask, so I won’t have to say no. I think it comes because I hate it when someone says no to me. If I think someone will say no, I won’t ask the question.

This only works (or doesn’t work) for people I know very well, and who I can read without talking to them. With people I know less well, I have to ask, because I have little idea of what they’ll say. This shame about being told no was not great when I was in high school. It was nearly impossible for me to ask someone out. I guess the shame came from having to think (and others thinking) that I am a loser if people say no to me.

Anyway, if anyone else has this trouble, what is it like for you, and what have you done to overcome this issue?