General Question

The_Compassionate_Heretic's avatar

When you get to the point that you just don't want to go on anymore, what keeps you going?

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57 Answers

Saturated_Brain's avatar

The thought that there’s still so much to do.

Darwin's avatar

The only thing right now is that if I give up, who will take care of my husband and son?

Right now, I need something to help me keep going. This has not been a good week.

Grisaille's avatar

My heart still beating.

It ain’t over till it’s over, as it were. I’m a fighter.

Tink's avatar

Nothing, I just ignor it and move on

tinyfaery's avatar

Knowing I’d break my wife’s heart if I offed myself.

Aethelwine's avatar

My children, husband and love for adventure.

Ivan's avatar

Not much, now that you ask.

Grisaille's avatar

Can we take a moment and realize how insanely broken we all are?


YARNLADY's avatar

When that happened to me, I had a baby son to think about, and so I was able to thrust the thoughts away, and I had the love and support of my family.

marinelife's avatar

Knowing that life changes and the bad, which may seem endless, passes too.

Also, the tiny moments of beauty in everyday life. A brightly colored bird landing on a bush outside my office window. A beautiful sky. The delicate patter of an evergreen. The sound of water over rocks.

Jude's avatar

Family. They went through enough losing my Mom and are holding onto to whatever family we have left. If I go, it would devastate them. My sister and I are really close (are the only two girls left) and she counts on me for so much. I know that she’d have an awful time and feel abandoned, if I decided to give up.

Religion. If I decided to off myself, who knows what would happen to my “soul”. The unknown is what scares me.

And, the physical pain/suffering…

kenmc's avatar

The fact that things will be better.

augustlan's avatar

My children, for one. But the bigger thing that will always save me is long experience with this feeling. With that experience comes the knowing that it will get better. It always does.

Peace, my friends.

RedPowerLady's avatar

Same thing as @Darwin . I think of my husband and how he would get on without me. That keeps me going.

@Darwin I know this isn’t much but ((Hugs)). If you need to vent ever feel free to PM me. I know just what you mean our life has been a kick in the butt lately. I am hoping that it is just your week that is bad and nothing more but either way you deserve some extra ((hugs))

Darwin's avatar

@RedPowerLady – It is a combination of things, including the IRS losing two returns, CPS coming back again, having to plan to put one of my cats to sleep, dealing with my daughter’s complicated summer and my son’s anger, dealing with the expectations of my son’s birth family, and knowing that my parents are moving to town so I can take care of them.

Also, my husband getting more and more frail. I may have to consider a nursing home soon.

augustlan's avatar

@Darwin My goodness, your plate is full as it is and now your parents are coming, too? {{{Hugs}}} to you and yours.

Grisaille's avatar

@Darwin My heart goes out to you. It really does.

RedPowerLady's avatar

@Darwin When life piles it on it seems to pile it all on at once. For me it stretches my emotional capacity to its limits. Having someone to vent to usually helps me quite a bit. I am so sorry you have to deal with so much at once. Just one of those things alone is enough to be draining. My offer stands that if you need to vent feel free to use me. I can’t promise to provide helpful feedback, lol, but I can provide ((Hugs)). I would also offer prayers but I know many on this site are not religious and I’m not sure if you are.

Darwin's avatar

Thank you all.

vegelizabeth's avatar

@darwin – things unfortunately always seem to get worse before they get better! I wish you all the best ~ :)

El_Cadejo's avatar

I just think that about the fact that all things, no matter how good or bad, are only temporary. This too will pass.

“The night is darkest just before the dawn”

Tink's avatar

I want to die right now

Supacase's avatar

Just seeing what you are dealing with, @Darwin, tells me you are an incredibly strong person. I’m sorry things are so hard right now.

As to the original question, this last time it was knowing that however bad I felt my daughter would be forever impacted by me choosing to not hang on. I couldn’t say to myself, “Well, no one cares anyway” because she depends on me all of the time.

I was in that position once prior to becoming a mother, though, and I know it is virtually impossible to believe things will ever get better when you are down so low.

RedPowerLady's avatar

@Tink1113 ((Hugs)) for you as well. Need to talk?

RedPowerLady's avatar

Just a note for everyone. I know when I was going through heck, in fact I think I still am just in a different way, when someone said “things will get better” I just wanted to choke them. It is a platitude that was not very comforting to me in the least. Sometimes it will be a very long time before “things get better” and life does not seem worth the wait. Other times, like with a loss, things absolutely do not get better you just learn to deal with them.

Tink's avatar

I think I do :(

RedPowerLady's avatar

Feel free to PM me. You can vent all you need to.

Don’t kick me for saying this bit. There are also hotlines you can call and if you want those numbers I’ll find them for you. And for extended venting there is always therapy.

But sometimes a good vent session is all we need to give us just enough of a boost to keep going.

augustlan's avatar

@RedPowerLady You make a good point about losing a loved one. That doesn’t ever go away, though it may become less painful in time. The reason I harp on “it will always get better” is because it is very difficult to believe that when in the midst of a deep depression. Having been through many of them myself, not believing that in the past, and having it turn out to be true in spite of my disbelief has helped me immensely when depression comes my way now. Just knowing that one little thing has kept me from ever being suicidal again.

augustlan's avatar

Hugs to all of you that are suffering.

Tink's avatar

Thanks you guys, I’ll pm you later :)

RedPowerLady's avatar

@augustlan I think you are right that the platitude and the actual experience of it are quite different. But without a personal story like one you have just given the platitude has little strength behind it. IMHO.

RedPowerLady's avatar

@ckinyc Are you feeling bad as well?

The_Compassionate_Heretic's avatar

We can feel so alone during the down times and talking with others lets us know that we aren’t alone.
Our world is in constant flux and nothing lasts forever. While it sucks that this is true about the good times, it is also good to know that the same applies to bad times.

RedPowerLady's avatar

@Grisaille well of course but to different extents :) There are however some comments that have me a bit concerned so I express interest in them because I care. I understand what it feels like to have someone available to just listen and how helpful that can be

hug_of_war's avatar

it would take more effort to off myself

Tink's avatar

Well you guys a friend once told me “No one is worth your tears, and the person who is won’t make you cry.”

Aethelwine's avatar

@Grisaille I’m feeling pretty good at the moment. I experienced something new recently and it gave me the energy and desire to live my life to the fullest.

Everyone needs an escape now and then. It helps. It really does! Try something new.

RedPowerLady's avatar

@jonsblond That is a great suggestion. Usually makes me feel better as well, especially when it is a success.

Grisaille's avatar

@jonsblond Hey, we’ve all got out ups and downs. Glad you’re experiencing a “high’, and it hope it lasts.

Tink's avatar

Wow almost everyone is in pain right now :(
Lucky those of you who aren’t, and I also hope you guys are happy and will keep on being happy

Tink's avatar

Ok I know this might be dumb but I’m gonna try it. I got some more quotes for you guys:

It’s a beautiful day, now watch some idiot screw it up!

Nothing lasts forever, so this saddness will pass

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

The people relying on me to come through, a few of us have our securities tied together. I’m thankful for feeling the pressure of responsibility because while things don’t always get “better”, they do seem to change and become bearable in the 11th hour. What’s frightening is when release doesn’t follow pattern and you feel hung out, ass out and tired. There’s a crazy buildup, sometimes shared before things break, very intense and that’s when I worry for others more than myself.

aprilsimnel's avatar

Twice in my life before the age of 8, I was almost murdered. At 11, I indiscriminately swallowed a few bottles of pills from the bathroom cabinet and lay on the kitchen floor to die, that’s how fed up I was with my life. Fortunately, the pills back came up and I just felt ill for a couple of days. And what do you know, I survived my bad childhood.

I have people who consider me a beloved daughter, sister and friend. I give and receive support. It starts with what we think, I’m learning. I have to relearn this lesson every moment, no lie. I have been used to believing my thoughts: “I’ll always have a shitty job.” “I’ll never find a partner.” “I’ll always be fat.” “No one loves me and everyone is judging me all the time.” “I am not as good as other people.” And when we keep believing such thoughts, in essence filling ourselves up with trash, what do we expect to happen? It rots away inside us. Take out the trash.

Be present. Start small with being present, and realize that what we’re worrying about has no place in the moment. Those worries aren’t even us. It’s not what we’re used to doing, but we can give it a try. Once we learn to be grateful in the moment, things will change in our lives. Believe me, this is a new mode for me and I’ve had to pick myself up again and again. There are moments when my ego is screaming in anger over it. But I’m tired of being upset about my past, thinking that it defines me and worrying about my future all the time. No good can come of it.

Separate yourself from the thoughts that say “I don’t want to/can’t go on.” You can observe them like you can observe yourself washing your hands. Those thoughts are only thoughts. They are not you.

marinelife's avatar

To everyone here going through a bad time, I am sorry that is happening to you.

Know that you have people who care. I care.

Thanks for speaking about what is happening for you.

OpryLeigh's avatar


That is the only thing that has kept me going at times and dread ever losing that.

Bobbilynn's avatar

I hope things turn around for you guys soon!

evelyns_pet_zebra's avatar

Whenever thoughts of worthlessness come around, you all know that little voice in your head that brings up past mistakes and makes you feel like crap I just say out loud in a forceful voice, “I’m not that person anymore.” It seems to work.

Best of thoughts to everyone here that is having a tough time of it. You should know that you have a family here on fluther that cares deeply for you and we all want the best for you. Perhaps you can draw strength from the fact that you are very important to people you have never met, and to someone, even someone you don’t know, your continued existence is important.

And @RedPowerLady is right, sometimes having a shoulder to lean on and an ear to rant into is enough to help us keep things in perspective.

Bluefreedom's avatar

When I’m feeling down and out, I think about the following saying that I have memorized and it makes me feel better:

Yesterday is already a dream
And tomorrow is only a vision,
But every today well lived
Makes every yesterday a dream of happiness
And every tomorrow a vision of hope.

- Author Unknown

ckinyc's avatar

@RedPowerLady. Yes I was a bit down that night. In fact, it was the first time I felt exhausted and just want to sign out. Start fresh somewhere… It made me more sad reading this thread but I am fine now and deal with the problems one at a time. Thanks for asking.

RedPowerLady's avatar

@ckinyc I am so glad you are feeling better :) Feel free to message me anytime.

CMaz's avatar

There is no choice, it just is.

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