You're hungry and no food seems to be in the house. what do you cook with these items?

celery, frozen chicken pieces with a little freezer burn, pickles, left-over scallion for stir-fry cooked the other night, eggs, a corner of balsamic vinegar, last drop of olive oil, left-over scallops now frozen, alligator sausage from n’awlins, wayward can of beer that nobody will drink, half a green pepper, some tart European cheese from who knows where and a half bottle of Cabernet sauvignon?