General Question

Jude's avatar

Is there anyone who's in a serious(ish) relationship with someone, but, you choose to live on your own?

Asked by Jude (32162points) July 5th, 2009

Is it a choice? Or, is that you aren’t able to live with your partner at this time? Is it because you haven’t gotten to “that point”, yet? What are the reasons? And, what are the benefits and drawbacks of living on your own? Do you prefer to have you own space/place (and would like to keep it that way)?

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

17 Answers

timothykinney's avatar

Yeah. My girlfriend and I have talked about moving in a lot, but we never have. Part of it is just wanting to be sure we don’t get mad at each other. Part of it is to keep parents from staying up all night wondering. But, to be honest, I really like having my own space from time to time.

I once moved in with a girlfriend for mostly financial reasons. This was a mistake, but not a fatal one. We managed to work through it. But I do think it’s best to really want to live together before deciding to do it.

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

Absolutely. I will never live with another girlfriend. Fake commitments that “play” married are for kids. The woman I fancy deserves to be courted, swooned, and respected as an individual. We will ascend the steps of becoming as one together, step by step, in stages that add layer upon layer to the foundation of our unified love.

SuperMouse's avatar

I am in a serious relationship and we do not live together, nor do we plan to live together until we are married. There are several reasons for this, but chief among them is that I have children and I don’t want to show them that as an example.

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar


You ARE a SuperMouse! Way to parent!

whatthefluther's avatar

As an aside: I have always been intrigued with the Phil Jackson/Jeanie Buss relationship. They have been together seven years, she is his boss and the owner’s daughter, and they live in separate houses, next door to each other. Might that be the ultimate in living arrangements? See ya…wtf

La_chica_gomela's avatar

@timothykinney: And here I thought it was because you just liked running back and forth across the street all day! ;-)

@whatthefluther: timothykinney and I recently had a very similar situation to the one you described (I’m not his boss though, lol, not for a job anyway) and it was definitely not ideal. We probably said “I wish we lived together” at least once a day. I like having my own space too, but for me, I think just having an office or a chick cave would really suffice. Having separate kitchens and separate beds is a pain. That situation ended for external reasons, but I would do it again, even though it’s a pain, just to be closer to him, and we’re really not ready to move in together yet. Maybe in a year or so.

rooeytoo's avatar

I know several couples who for assorted reasons have their own homes although are in every other way are in a committed relationship. Often it is because of finances or with older people, keeping their estates separate.

I kind of like the idea, wouldn’t have to do his wash or clean up after him. I hate domesticity and have enough trouble cleaning up after myself! I already do the lawn and garden work, actually I can’t see any disadvantages!

shipwrecks's avatar

I was engaged a while back, and although my fiance and I had been together for over 4 years, we didn’t live together. We did this mostly for financial reasons – we were both in college at the time, and we had no real money of our own. Thinking back, however, I’m so glad that we didn’t live together, because it would have made the break up that much harder, and I realized that I really needed my own space.

For me at least, I would like to be 100% sure that I want to spend the rest of my life with someone before I commit myself to living with that person.

Personally, I don’t see myself living with someone before we get married. Who knows, it could happen down the line, but for now I think I’ll keep on living with my friends. They make the best roommates :)

EmpressPixie's avatar

@shipwrecks: One would think a girlfriend or fiance would be a friend.

I’ve never lived with anyone in a romantic sense. I was going to move in with my boyfriend this fall. We basically live with each other now anyway in a traveling sense. We spend all nights together, we just choose the house we’re doing it at that morning or the evening. Alas, we will not be living together this fall in the end because I am running away to school. So the reason we haven’t is that the timing is just never quite right.

shipwrecks's avatar

@EmpressPixie He was my best friend, but we had too many problems… and unlike a friend he put me down a lot instead of picking me up. He changed a lot in the time we dated. So I’m glad we didn’t move in together lol.

I also think a great benefit to living on your own is the ability to cherish your alone time and develop yourself as a person. It’s also nice to be alone and away from your partner so that you have the chance to miss them. :)

Darwin's avatar

I know two couples who are legally married but who choose to live in separate houses. No idea why but it works for them, so why argue with them?

VS's avatar

I signed on today for the sole purpose of answering this question. I have been happily divorced since 1989. We have twice, since the divorce, tried to live together. I understand one of the biggest requests in new home construction these days are dual master suites on opposite ends of the house. That is basically what we have had for the last seven or so years. Last week, we decided it was time for him to live somewhere else.
I was an only child and have never felt the need to live with anyone else. I have never suffered from lonliness, although I have lived alone for the larger portion of my life, except those few years when I was married. My ex-husband and I are still very good friends, we spent this past weekend together with other friends at the lake and plan to vacation together for a week in August. I cannot explain why living with someone else, even someone I love dearly, just doesn’t work for me. I like my solitude, I like the peace and quiet of an empty house, I like being able to do what I want, I like having things where I left them, and if I want to paint the kitchen crap brown or pea green, no one else will complain about it. I have a long list of friends who are always there for me if I feel the need for the company of others, but there is a LOT to be said for living single.

Jack79's avatar

Well I don’t have any relationship right now (wink-wink) but the last one I had was like that. I am a single parent and so was my ex gf. We both have daughters around the same age (3 at the time) who are simply incompatible. They like different things and above all sleep at different times. So it was impossible to live together (we tried it for a month and failed). We decided to move into 2 different flats in the same city, and have “normal” dates whenever she gave hers to the grandmother (I hired a babysitter on those nights). We did manage to survive each other for the odd weekend away, but again they’d have to go to bed 2–3 hours before us, then wake us up the next morning, which basically meant I got no sleep.

timothykinney's avatar

@La_chica_gomela : It certainly sounds better than driving to your place everyday. I hope you can find a place nearby. O_O

La_chica_gomela's avatar

removed by myself. i misread something.

ram201pa's avatar

@VS Regarding your last 2 or 3 sentences, all I can say is, “Amen.”

Answer this question




to answer.

This question is in the General Section. Responses must be helpful and on-topic.

Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther