General Question

Open's avatar

How much do (or did) your parents fight?

Asked by Open (198points) July 6th, 2009

My parents fight a lot…the cops have been called on more than one occassion. I was just curious how many other people have a similar situation. I was also curious to know how many people do not have a similar situation. Marriage doesn’t look all that appealing to me, how about to you?

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30 Answers

CMaz's avatar

Do not let your parents sway you from having a good loving life with someone. If anything use their example as how not to live.

Judi's avatar

My parents fought and I fought in my first marriage. In my second marriage we don’t fight at all. We have disagreements but my husband is very good at not reacting emotionally.
The worst it gets now is when we do disagree he says, “Why am I always the one who’s wrong?” I always answer, “If I thought you were right there would be no argument!” We rarely even argue though. Were pretty much in sync on our goals and aspirations.

JLeslie's avatar

My parents fought a lot when I was kid, and they still fight. I do think some of the stereotypes are true…Italians, Jews, Irish, etc. tend to yell more.

I have been married for 16 years. When I was young I thought it was normal to always be annoyed with your spouse, but now that I am married I see it does not have to be that way. My husband grew up in a family that almost never raised their voices. When they did raise their voices it meant things were REALLY bad. But they tend to use silent treatments, which is awful, things never get talked out. I would rather yell and be able to communicate somehow than complete silence. The best is to be able to discuss things calmly, my husband and I are able to this most of the time.

Open's avatar

The yelling gets my family no where. Just a lot of hurt feelings and stand-off attitudes. No communication.

Tink's avatar

My parents never fight and when they do it’s just about something stupid like when my dad “forgets” to take out the trash. I can’t stand it when people yell!!

poofandmook's avatar

I was too young to remember my parents fighting. But I do know that if they had stayed married, the way they were with each other after the divorce as I grew up, There’d probably be epic screaming matches.

That being said, I can’t wait to get married. Seriously.

JLeslie's avatar

A little unsolicited advice: dont’t feel like you got totally jipped in the parental department…all families have dysfunction of some sort or another. The best thing is for you to learn from it and live a good life.

Open's avatar

@JLeslie no worries ^_^ I do not feel jipped, more than anything I’m just worried about the future.

JLeslie's avatar

@Open I feel confident your future will be a good one, because you are self aware…you will avoid the pitfalls. You have to make a concious effort to avoid a spouse who ropes you into bad behavior patterns similar to your parents…patterns are hard to break.

MrItty's avatar

To my recollection, my parents had only two “big” fights in their almost-25 year marriage. The first was less than a year after they were married, when I was 6 years old. I was playing out in the front yard, when my mother stormed out of the house and said “GET IN THE CAR. We’re going to Grandma’s!”. I responded “Why can’t I stay here with Dad?” She shouted back “Because he’s not your father!!” (which is true, he’s my step father, but from the day they were married, I always called him Dad, and this is the first and only time she ever implied he was “less” than my father). We drove around for a couple hours, then back home, and I stayed outside and played some more while they made up.

The second time was about 2 or 3 years ago. My sister (who was about 15 or 16 at the time) called me tearfully saying that M&D had a big fight and Mom just drove away, and my sister was afraid she wasn’t coming back. It’s a testament to how infrequently our parents fought that my sister might have gotten scared Mom was leaving because of a single fight. It was such an unusual occurrence. (She came home a few hours later, btw).

Of course, they had the typical little spats that any two people will have when they spend so much time together. But those were the only two big ones.

El_Cadejo's avatar

My parents fought a lot. Then they got divorced. lol

Fyrius's avatar

Basically not at all. They hardly ever even seem to disagree about anything for long, and I certainly never heard any raised voices, not to each other. Their marriage is harmonious like that.
I’m thankful that it is.

Open's avatar

Unlike my parents my boyfriend and I get along very well. We’ve been dating for over a year and we haven’t ever had a big fight or even a small fight. We’ve had disagreements but we always seem to come to some sort of truce or compromise before the day is over. Coming from my background though I just keep wondering how long this will last. I’ve mentioned to him more than once “I wonder what we’ll be like if we were to have a fight” to which he usually responds with “I’d rather not think about it or plan for it.” I understand what he means, but I can’t help but think that it’s only a matter of time until we get sick of each other. =/ I do not know, I just wonder if it’s possible to be in a relationship and never fight with each other.

hug_of_war's avatar

My parents fought a lot, never physically but it was nowhere near being civil either. Funny, it all ended when they divorced…

JLeslie's avatar

I used to wish my screaming parents would get a divorce, I think they should have.

casheroo's avatar

I know they’ve had maybe a couple big fights, but their fights when I was younger weren’t explosive or anything.
When I look back on it, and learn more about my parents financial situation when we were kids, I imagine a lot of the fights had to do with money. My father had to work all the time, and my mother did as well. They always provided for us, and I never knew how not well off we actually were. They worked hard together to get where they are, and rarely fight now.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

I can’t remember my parents fight a lot but I know before my dad used to threaten with physical violence – when my brother was alive, he stood up to my father. I know my mother has taken a lot of shit from my alcoholic dad as have I but she stuck by him for our sake, so she says, I think she deserves better but I can’t live her life…and when I was faced with the same situation in my first marriage, I didn’t do what she did, I didn’t stay because I had a child, I left and it was the right thing to do – DO NOT think that your parents’ marriage is indicative of your marriage

Jack79's avatar

my parents never fight. My mother always wins, and my father figured that out 38 years ago. Whenever she bitches, he just leaves the house for a few hours.

chelseababyy's avatar

Apparently my Dad left my Mom because she was a psycho. Surprise surprise.
My brother and sister’s Dad and my Mom fought all the time, and I was always in the middle. New years eve 98’ (meaning it was turning ‘99) they got in a huge fight because they were both cheating on eachother. My brothers dad choked my mom against the fridge yes I was witness while my siblings were asleep because she was going all crazy hitting and punching him. At one point I got thrown into a wall due to trying to get between them. I finally did (pretty awesome for an almost 9 year old huh) and I made them sit on separate couches in the living room while I called everyone I knew to come over and make the nonsense stop. Hooray me for playing mediator.
My now-stepdad (and father of my youngest brother) and my mom rarely fought, and if they did it was my mom being a bitch because she makes more money than him so she thinks she can run his life. Mostly with them, THEY would fight with me. Like tagteam me. One time I acquired a cell phone for emergencies without their knowledge due to the abuse I was receiving. Well unlucky for me they found out and both tried to get it from me. Funny thing is the two of them still could not get the phone out of my hands.

Bri_L's avatar

All the time. I had no idea what a happy marriage was until they got remarried when I was 20.

YARNLADY's avatar

My parents didn’t believe in fighting. If they had a problem, they talked it over. If they were mad, they waited until they felt more like talking.

My Dad was the boss, and if my Mom had a problem with that, which she did, once in awhile, she would go in her room and give herself a good talking to. I heard her from time to time.

cookieman's avatar

My parents were madly in love with each other in a twisted co-dependant way.

They claimed to be “best friends” (which they truly believed) but fought often. Fights that were always full of drama, often deteriorating into vicious verbal fisticuffs.

Their fights always ended with my father crying, begging her not to leave and my mother chain-smoking and popping a valium or two.

It was a real love-hate realtionship.

Blondesjon's avatar

My dad was a drunk, wife beating douche and my mom still sided with him when he gave her the ultimatum, “It’s him or me.”

He left her three years later.

whatthefluther's avatar

I was raised watching my mother be the victim of vicious verbal abuse (I hid in my room, in my books and studies). She put up with it until the last of her kids, my sister, was raised and out of the house…then, she threw my father out. I have a lot of respect for my mother….I’m not sure I could have made the same sacrifice.

Darwin's avatar

I only remember one fight between my parents, and that was more a loud argument than anything else. These days they sometimes get a little testy, but they are in their 80’s and so are entitled to be a little crotchety sometimes.

My husband and I have argued some in the past, but it has never gone past that.

filmfann's avatar

I never SAW my parents fight, and rarely heard them. The only way I knew something was up was when my Mom would burn the dinner 4 days in a row.
My dad would eat it, smile, and say “Good dinner, hon”, and my Mom would get angrier.

I have argued with my wife in front of my kids, and I regret it. The kids don’t seem too damaged, yet.

girlofscience's avatar

My parents never ever fought. I only remember one time during which there was even a slight tiff. I think my dad forgot to take out the trash after promising to do so, and my mom was annoyed for 3–5 minutes.

lostinlove's avatar

My parents used to fight all the time. My dad was an alcoholic and they both did drugs. It was hard to watch them fight and throw there life away. One of my parents or both were always in jail. So me and my little brother were pretty much on our own by the ages of 8 and 11. It was me and him against the world. Trust me, your not the only one out there! My parents have changed since then but we dont live with them anymore. We havent lived with them for almost 2½ to 3½ years. We currently lived with our older sister but we got put into a foster home because my sister was using drungs. Me and my little brother have only been in our foster home for about 3 wks. and we will probably be here for awhile. So when I say your not the only one believe me your not…Im one of those people who are or have been in that same boat!

filmfann's avatar

@lostinlove welcome to fluther. Lurve

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