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missy19's avatar

Will he come back to me?

Asked by missy19 (5points) July 7th, 2009

We both had a stressful day the day we broke up. His mom might have cancer and his uncle had a heart attack. That night I told him I don’t think I can handle the relationship. He said “So that’s it, were done?” I said I don’t know. He got mad and said bye. I called him and he cried on the phone, i asked him for another chance and he said he just can’t handle things right now. The next day I BEGGED him to take me back. I kept calling and calling. He turned off his phone and never talked to me again. We had a great relationship. In a couple years we were going to get married and start a family. He loved me and I loved him. It’s almost 2 weeks later, and im lonely without him. I miss being in his arms. I know I was being immature. Will he want be back? How do I get him back?

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30 Answers

Dog's avatar

He is on overload and your statement to him implied you would not be able to handle the issues he is facing right now emotionally- and right now the last thing he needs is another person who needs him for emotional support.

But all is not lost. Give him time- be there for him but do not ask anything of him.

Be a friend.

Your actions will speak volumes without adding more to his burden.

mzdesigns's avatar

give it time hope it works out for u.

cak's avatar

During a time when he was struggling with the news that his mom might have cancer and his uncle had a heart attack, you let him know you couldn’t handle the relationship. Yet you were planning to marry in two years? Strange.

He might not. He might think of your timing as a signal to how you can manage stressful things. I would. You dumped on him when things were going really bad, that leaves a bad imprint on one’s feelings. Not exactly a shiny moment for you, I’m sure.

With all that is going on, now that you realize that you need him, you want him back. When he needed you, you told him that you couldn’t handle the relationship.

I think he would have to think long and hard before starting a serious relationship with you, ever again. He certainly can’t be sure you will hang around when things are difficult.

You need to back off and allow him some time. There is a trust you will need to rebuild.

missy19's avatar

@cak we knew his mother might have cancer for awhile now. just the tests havn’t come in… also i found out after that his uncle had a heart attack

cak's avatar

@missy19 – I’m going by what you put in your question. Fact of the matter is, you still backed off when he needed you the most.

cak's avatar

@Dog thank you, lurve to you too! You are exactly correct, she needs to be a friend now.

missy19's avatar

he knew that i needed him too… my aunt found out she has breat cancer again.. and my uncle only has until christmas to live becasue he has prostate cancer.

cak's avatar

@missy19 – You are missing the point. Did he back off, or did you throw the statement out there? You told him that you didn’t think you could handle the relationship. You backed away.

Accept responsibility and work on rebuilding a friendship, that is all you can do; however, if he doesn’t want to hear from you – don’t keep calling. Let it go for now. See if he calls you back.

missy19's avatar

i haven’t talked to him since the day after i told him i can’t handle it.

cak's avatar

@missy19 – I know it hurts. I’m sorry you are feeling that pain, if you truly love him, please give him space. Don’t call him over and over, don’t call him daily. You need to give him time.

Turn your phone off and walk away from it. Do what you need to do to not call him.

I know it sounds like I am just riding your case on this one, but you must understand that it wasn’t the best timing and he’s hurting. Give him the space and time he needs.

missy19's avatar

does that mean even months if he needs it??
like i said it’s been two weeks.
do you think he would “fuck” other girls? if he really loves me and need space, that means he doesn’t want any girl right? but if he did it would be me?
i hate this!! im wishing i could take that night back.

Dog's avatar

@missy19 With all due respect- perhaps my next statement will seem a little harsh but it is not meant to be hurtful. In fact if you can see it and re-read this thread it could help you.

So far everything you have said is all about you.

He needs someone who can be a partner not someone who needs. True love and partnerships are built on mutual support and sacrifice for one another.

He needs time- but you only see what you want and your own needs.

Will he find someone else? Possibly. He may find someone willing to really be there for him and help him with his problems and be a true partner.

Could you possibly be that person? It is up to you. You can give him the friendship and support he needs right now without demanding anything in return. You could show him that you can be a true partner.

cak's avatar

@missy19 – If he’s single, he can do what he wants to do. You couldn’t handle things, to him, that was a deal breaker.

It could mean months. It could mean never.

I just stopped to read Dog’s comments…and am heading along the same line as her. To me, this is still about you. Not both of you, but what you want. You couldn’t handle it, but now you want it all back. That’s the problem with only thinking about yourself. You didn’t take the time to look at the big picture, take a deep breath and just say good-night instead of what you did say.

It seems to me that you need to mature more, to handle a serious relationship.

@Dog…wow! I swear, we’re on the same wave length, here!

missy19's avatar

But im not a needy person.. we hang out once a week.. he works, i work and then we have time for our own friends. we talked every night. i know i shouldn’t be thinking all about myself.. im normally a very selfless person.. if you knew me you would think so too. he’s a very clingy guy and i guess i miss that.. im usally the one who holds the relationship almost the MAN in the relationship..i have my head screwed on right.. it just might not look like it now.. im a social worker.

Jack79's avatar

so why exactly did you want to break up to start with?
I don’t know if he wantsyou back there’s a lot of info missing, especially on how he felt after breaking up. But I do think that if he really wanted you back, he would have done so already, after you begged him.

cak's avatar

@missy19 – You know, sometimes, we get so comfortable in a certain pattern in life and think we’re bored or think things are getting to stressful and we quickly dismiss them without truly considering the ramifications. Then, when the dust settles, we realize what a shit storm we created. Sometimes, things work out in the end – but you have to accept the very real possibility that this is over and he will not be back in the picture.

missy19's avatar

i kinda wanted to break up becasue i just spent the day at the police station(to do with work) im going to end up going to court.. work is stressful. I was kind of at my limit the night i was talking to him.. my mouth got ahead of my brain.

chyna's avatar

Two weeks probably seems a long time to you, but it really isn’t. He is dealing with some major issues in his life right now. Perhaps you could just text or email him and in just one sentence say “I’m here for you if you need me.” Nothing else. And then, leave him alone. Hopefully, you will learn to leave work at work, and not bring it home with you.

missy19's avatar

@chyna thanks for that.

irocktheworld's avatar

AWW! thats so sad, you didnt deserve all that. well i would have to agree with @chyna and yeah you should like send him and email saying that if anything happens you’ll be there for him

PandoraBoxx's avatar

@missy19, are you saying his mom with cancer and uncle with heart attack is a match for your aunt and uncle with cancer?

Mom With Cancer trumps everything else. Nothing else matters, unless your aunt and uncle happened to raise you since birth.

justus2's avatar

I have to say though missy, you say you knew for a while his mom might have cancer, but found out that night after you broke up with him that his uncle had a heart attack, knowing about his mom and just finding out about his uncle even if you just broke up reguardless you should have let him know you were just stressed about your life and told him you were there for him as a friend, that is if you wanted to stay broken up. I am going with text or e mail him telling you are there for him if he needs someone and you are sorry about everything, and stick with it and make sure you are there for him if he does come to you for support.

Tink's avatar

I’m sorry but I wouldn’t come back. You left him when he needed you the most and you hurt him

Alleycat8782's avatar

Hey, I am sorry you are going through this. I am going through a break up right now and it’s very hard for me as well. You have to gain his trust back and let him know that you will be there for him. Isn’t marriage about being with someone during the good times and bad? I hope it works out for you and hang in there ok?

missy19's avatar

@Alleycat8782 thanks. he said that i’ll always be his bestfriend and i’ll always be apart of his heart. but he just can’t handle things right now.

CMaz's avatar

Move on. You will hear from him. But, probably when the girl he is now seeing dumps him. Or he wants a booty call.

shortysith's avatar

It’s hard because you probably indeed had a bad night, and your words for ahead of your brain. Unfortunately, sometimes it is a learning experience. You can’t take back what you said, and don’t we all tend to cling to those things sometimes when someone hurts us? He is dealing with a lot of other things at the moment. Your relationship problems aren’t helping the situation. It should be picking him up, and instead it kicked him down. It may not be over forever. Give him his space, and be a friend to him. If you truly do love him, sometimes we have to step back and realize that we can’t always love someone the way WE want to. If you are thinking of marrying this person, you too need to step back and ask yourself why you threw in the towel when things got tough. Marriage will be tougher! Best of luck to you, I am sure things will work out once things settle down a bit.

DarlingRhadamanthus's avatar

With his world crashing down on him….he took you as leaving him, too. Before you do anything, please think on what you want and why you reacted the way you did to his news. Was there something in his behavior that pushed your buttons? If so, what was it?

Will he come back to you? He might….but you have to examine your motives, your goals and what you really want first. And then, you will have to be gentle, kind and be a friend, first….he is really going through a tough time and you may have to play second fiddle for a while…is this okay for you? That’s the question to ask.

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