General Question

bostonbeliever's avatar

How do I get a girl whose parents don't let her go out with guys, to go out with me?

Asked by bostonbeliever (383points) July 7th, 2009

I asked her out and she said her parents didn’t let her go out with guys (I checked with a mutual friend and it’s true). Mind you, we’re in high school and she’s a year younger than me. Tips?

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28 Answers

Dog's avatar

How old are both of you?

What is the reason the girl’s parents give for the refusal?

I do agree with @Johnpowell below that it is a plausible idea not to call it a date and go as a group but knowing more would be helpful.

jrpowell's avatar

Group date. Go to a movie with a bunch of other people. Say that some friends are doing activity X. Don’t call it a date.

seekingwolf's avatar

You can ask the girl to talk to her parents about it, maybe even get them to meet you or date in a way that they like (Group dates only). Lots of people group date when they are younger because their parents won’t let them go out.

Tink's avatar

I’m not allowed either, but I go with friends to places and make sure he goes. Parents don’t know

kenmc's avatar

Be a girl. Duh.

bostonbeliever's avatar

our exact ages shouldn’t make a difference. we’re both in high school, so somewhere from 14–18 years old, and i’m one year older than her.
but thanks for the group date idea, i was thinking that myself.

jrpowell's avatar

Actually the ages do make a difference. There is a big difference between 14 and 17. I don’t think I would let my 14 year old date. But when I was 18 and my girlfriend was 17 her parents were cool with her spending the night at my house. She was six months away from moving out anyway.

cak's avatar

@bostonbeliever – I’m a mom. Believe me, ages do make a difference.

How do you get the parents to change their minds? You come up with a decent plan, you both approach the parents and you don’t lie about the details. @Tink…we know, believe me, we know. We were young once, too!

Is she allowed to invite you to her house? Can she have a group over and just hang out, let her parents see how you all interact?

Parents have boundaries for a reason, not just to be pains in the ass, but it’s something that some parents feel strongly about. The one thing I will tell you, never try to trick them into a scheme or lie to them – don’t ever do something to lose their trust.

Get to know them, it’s your best bet. Don’t be a brown noser, though….we’re wise to that one, too!

The_Compassionate_Heretic's avatar

If you’re serious about this girl, you need to grab the bull by the horns.

By that, I mean get in there and let the parents know that you’re not going to hurt her or take her for granted and treat her as much like a princess as they think do.

If you can win them over, you’re in.

hug_of_war's avatar

Ask if you can have dinner with them one night so they can get to know you. Make sure they know you aren’t going to sneak around and break their rules. Make them trust you, and then actually be trustworthy.

Tink's avatar

@cak Mine don’t have a clue

Darwin's avatar

As others have said, either go for a group “date,” find ways to be invited over to her house, or participate in some of the same activities she does so you can see her there (for example, go to the same church).

My daughter wasn’t allowed to date one-on-one until she was 16, so that was what boys who liked her had to do. She is now allowed to date but she still often prefers group or family circumstances.

Twilliker's avatar

Well, it’s quite simple.
Go down to your local pawn shop purchase what back in the day when we had gumption called a ” boombox”.
Show up outside her window, crank some Peter Gabriel ( any sing from “So” will do or Led Zepplin IV side 1. If that doesn’t get you 2 tickets too paradise I don’t know what will.

cak's avatar

@Tink1113 be glad I’m not your mom! ;~)

cak's avatar

@Twilliker great reference….it’s gotta be Peter Gabriel, though! Luvre to you and welcome to Fluther!

Tink's avatar

@cak But I’m not with anyone right now so I’m free :)

The_Compassionate_Heretic's avatar

@Twilliker I don’t think anyone’s ever done that, but if someone has, I bet it didn’t go like that scene in Hi-Fidelity

cak's avatar

@Tink1113 enjoy that freedom!

Tink's avatar

@cak Yes, I know :P

Dog's avatar

My guess by your answer that age does not matter that she is 14 and you are 15. Because if age really did not matter you would have stated your ages.

Respect her parents and their boundaries. Only hang with her on a group- non date- level.

If you violate the rules the parents have set up there is a risk of discovery and you will destroy any chance you have of a long term relationship with the girl. On the other hand if you are honest and respectful your chances are much greater when the rules are lifted of being accepted.

The_Compassionate_Heretic's avatar

It also bears mentioning that I knew a lot of girls in high school would say “my dad doesn’t let me date boys” when they were actually saying “I’m not interested in you”.

If that’s the case, don’t take it too hard.

Tink's avatar

No actually, dads don’t let us date

seVen's avatar

You should honor and respect your parents because they know you and the world better than you yourself, and they want the very best for you. Listen to them.

bostonbeliever's avatar

@The_Compassionate_Heretic, that’s why I checked with a friend of hers who confirmed that she was not allowed to go out with guys.

jpasq03's avatar

Why do you want to date her?

She’s most likely not worth it, do something better with your time.

By that I mean don’t waste your High School career by walking out the door with low grades, no plans, and a broken heart.

Supacase's avatar

Meet her parents. Ask if it would be ok to go to a movie or something with a group of friends, maybe during the daytime on a weekend to start, with them dropping her off and picking her up. Promise you will not leave the location you are expected to be, and follow through. Do not try to get them to bend their rules; that will only cause them to be suspicious and stand their ground even more.

Deke97's avatar

What if she doesn’t want me to talk to her parents about it?

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