Need perspective....what to do about living with BF and our children?

I just turned 40 – and am feeling like I am more lost and unsure of myself than ever before! The quick background is ths: Married for 18 years- had 4 children – divorced 3 years ago – met a man online – did a slightly long distance thing (2 hours apart)...which did end up causing some problems in that I did not catch his alcoholism or gambling issues – until we were engaged and I had moved in with him with 3 of my youngest kids. I had to end that relationship due to the issues he would not accept he had (it was BAD) – and so that was detrimental to my kids – especially my youngest – a 9 year old at the time. She was attached to him and it destroyed her. Anyhow – I carefully dated for another 6 months – and found the man I am with now. He has two boys age 13 and 6. They got along with my kids(ages 10 to 18) really really well for the first while (well – until we moved in together – and they still get along for the most part – just normal stuff comes up). I was working full time when we met—but HATED my job – as I have been a successful entrepreneur most of the rest of my life! My BF also loves to create businesses – and we align very well on that front. We kind of became involved in a few ideas we put together (network marketing stuff – so we each have our own business center – one under another – so we can work together but get compensated separately). Anyhow – I have Lupus – and the stress of my job and everything else with being a single working mom threw me over the edge physically. We were in love – and even though it was too soon for him – his divorce was fresh – and his ex married the guy she left him for – and so his wounds were fresh – which caused some issues for us here n there – but talking and working through them brought us really really close….closer than I have ever been with ANYone. He is not really my “ideal” match….there is a lot I don’t like – but a lot i do. I tend to focus on the positive. My friends and family would really rather see me with someone more “worthy” of me, etc…..which is WHY I came here for advice! They are all biased! The problems are now popping up heavily. We are hitting our 1 year anniversary since we met and went fast into an exclusive hot relationship. We moved in together right when I decided to leave my job that was killing me – and work on our biz opportunities together – and share expenses, etc. He has a home big enough for all of us – and his two kids are here one week on and one week off. I had a roommate in my old house – so he came with us for the first 6 months – paying us $500 a month for the room here. So – the mortgage was $1500 – so I have been paying $500 rent and half of all the utiities. I also paid half the food – until – everything went BAD. In February I couldn’t close a sale to save my life – and my illness was in high gear – so I could not work. I went on state aid – and got food stamps, etc. He paid for some expenses here and there while I struggled for about 6 weeks. When I got my tax refund – I paid him back for all the stuff he paid for. Oh – btw – he gets 800 mnth in child support from his ex – and I get nothing – my ex has been out of work for 3 years. My bf is a mortgage lender too – so every now and then he closes a loan that he lives off the money for awhile – and he has a TON of credit on credit cards he leans on when he needs to. I have NO cushion like those. I lost all my credit when my last two companies went bank/o. Anyhow – I have been using my food stamps allowance to pay for all the groceries for EVERYone in the house for 4½ months now. I think he still thinks I owe him stuff? Or he thinks we are a family – and those monies are for all of us? HIs boys eat a LOT – and so does he—- I also buy all the cleaning supplies, tp, etc, etc. The past few weeks has been insanely tough. I have been looking for work, and working my 4 biz ops about 12 to 16 hour days, plus clean, grocery shop, etc He – on the other hand does not feel the financial pressure I am under – and he plays video games with his boys, watches a lot of TV, golfs twice a week, etc. He has all the cushion – and no pressure. I have less than $100 to my name – lost my car to repo (borrowing my brothers junk beater car right now) – and have no idea where the next dollar is coming from. Keep in mind my self esteem is so bad now (I used to make 100K a year and drive a bmw, etc!). I have been in stress, crying fits, and the money stress is killing me. His kids all are begging us to get married. I would have thought we would be engaged by now – but he is still not ready. He likes being a victim to his old marriage ending. There has been a long list of other problems – he is selfish, does not take me out ever, does not have a romantic bone in his body….etc. So – bottom line – even though I love him so much – all the problems and issues with our child rearing differences, etc – I feel like I should end things – BUT – two things come up – 1 – That would be totally emotionally detrimental to my kids – especially my two youngest!!! Uprooting them AGAIN – changing schools, yanking another male figure out of their life, etc…bad stuff. 2 – I am not financially able to make a move, or have the credit to even get a place to move into if i DID get a job good enough to support all of us on my own.

What do I do???? Help!! – any feedback is welcomed!!