General Question

DrasticDreamer's avatar

Men: If you found out a 15-year-old girl was sexually attracted to you, would it bother you?

Asked by DrasticDreamer (23996points) July 12th, 2009

For this scenario, let’s say there are two 15-year-old girls. You know how old they are (why doesn’t matter) and one of them has fully gone through puberty and has a woman’s body. The other is a late bloomer and still looks like a minor.

Would it bother you that they were attracted to you? Would one bother you more than the other? Would neither bother you? Why?

Lastly, do you have a daughter?

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174 Answers

The_Compassionate_Heretic's avatar

Appearance doesn’t matter. 15 is still a child.

peyton_farquhar's avatar

I am not a man, but I am curious as to why you would ask this question.

richardhenry's avatar

It would sort of creep me out, but I’d also find it a little funny.

richardhenry's avatar

@The_Compassionate_Heretic The question doesn’t seem to be would you do anything, and more whether or not it would make you uncomfortable.

DeanV's avatar

Nah. I’m 15. But if I was any older, or out of high school, I wouldn’t really think anything of it. It happens all the time. I would tell her to stop, however. There’s no way I’d do anything about it. It’s not right.

The_Compassionate_Heretic's avatar

@richardhenry I would firmly tell the girl that she should stop. I would probably also tell her parents. Would it bother me? Not particularly.

TheCreative's avatar

Removed by Me.

dannyc's avatar

No, young girls get crushes on older guys at times. What is important is to act like an adult should and understand that it is just nature at work, and be always in control of the situation as you are dealing with impressionable children. I would not be uncomfortable at all as I understand what is at the root of it and how an older person should deal with it in all cases, no exceptions.

benjaminlevi's avatar

It would be really awkward.

kevbo's avatar

Yes, it would hot and bother me.

El_Cadejo's avatar

Nah, im dead sexy, its only natural someone would be attracted to me :P

Would i ever do anything about it? Fuck no!

Saturated_Brain's avatar

Yes it would definitely bother me. I’d feel incredibly awkward. But I’ll probably tell her that it would never work out.

ru2bz46's avatar

It wouldn’t bother me no matter who was attracted to me. Hell, even guys have been attracted to me. I find any attraction flattering. I certainly would not reciprocate.

I have no kids.

cookieman's avatar

It wouldn’t bother me – but I would stay the hell AWAY from them.

And, yes, I have a daughter.

jonsblond's avatar

I’m not a man but if I found out a 15 year old boy was attracted to me I would feel very uncomfortable. I have a 15 year old son.

DrasticDreamer's avatar

@Everyone I asked this question because I was inspired by a question daloon asked. I wanted to reverse it, basically, to see what the responses would be.

I’m only giving out GAs for people who answer whether or not they have a daughter, by the way.

richardhenry's avatar

@DrasticDreamer I’m 19, and don’t have a daughter.

What? I’m just cashing in.

DominicX's avatar

I’m 17, so it wouldn’t really bother me. I’m also gay, so I wouldn’t return the attraction. And I better not have a daughter.

AstroChuck's avatar

It would be awkward but it’s natural for teens to be attracted to adults. As a teen I had both a Farrah Fawcett poster and a Cheryl Tiegs poster in my room. I desired both of them. I also had the hots for my US history teacher. The only concern I’d have if a fifteen year old was attracted to me would be for her eyesight.

kevbo's avatar

Note to @jonsblond… At least one of his friends is sexually attracted to you.

@DrasticDreamer, are you withholding lutrve to get what you want? ;-)

DeanV's avatar

To answer this again, I guess, I am 15, and don’t have a daughter. Or a son.

It would certainly be weird. I would probably pass it off as just another high school type thing, which means kindly telling both that I’m not interested.

La_chica_gomela's avatar

I would probably be annoyed, that goes for both of the hypothetical 15 year olds. I just tend to find 15 year olds irritating (edit: no offense @dhevery, I just saw your response, bad timing on my part, just being honest)

I don’t have any kids. And okay fiiiiiiine I’m not a man, either, but I am bi. That counts, right?

arnbev959's avatar

I’m with @cprevite. It wouldn’t bother me if I knew about it, but I would avoid situations where I would have to see that person. I’m 18, so, although it wouldn’t be as weird as it would be if I were a bit older, it would still be pretty weird. The 15 year old who has not yet gone through puberty would be much weirder than the other.

I don’t have a daughter. My sister is 15, to put things in perspective.

justus2's avatar

I am a 19 yr old female, and no matter what age I am no it would not bother me if a 15 yr old male was attracted to me, nothing wrong with attraction, it is natural. @richardhenry what do you mean you would tell her to stop, stop an attraction, that is natural, and tell her parents? why, that wouldn’t take away the attraction either, it would just be hidden and there is no reason to try to stop them from being attracted to someone!!

jonsblond's avatar

@kevbo I’ve noticed the stares. All I can say is awkward!

DeanV's avatar

@La_chica_gomela No offense taken. 15 year olds can be quite irritating, me included.

kevbo's avatar

@jonsblond, Aww, c’mon! Give ‘em a surprise nuzzle on their way out the door.

I kid, but the thought is super funny. (My orthodontist’s assistant let me rest my head on her boob once while I was in the chair.)

Saturated_Brain's avatar

I’m 18. Why would I want to have a daughter?!

augustlan's avatar

I’m a woman, with three daughters… the oldest is 15. Thank God she isn’t anything like I was at that age! I’ll tell you from past experience: I frequently had crushes on grown men at that age, and frequently slept with them, too. At the time I thought I was the shit, and it was so cool. Looking back, all I can say is “fucking pervs”. If you are a man in that situation, never allow yourself to be alone with said girl. You are weaker than you know.

Saturated_Brain's avatar

@augustlan Yes ma’am. I shan’t allow myself to get into that position ma’am. Both metaphorically and literally ma’am.

ABoyNamedBoobs03's avatar

well I mean, 15 year old girls get crushes on older guys a lot, so the fact that they had a crush wouldn’t bother me per say, but if they were trying to engage in anything that’d be a whole other story, 15 is 15 regardless.

JLeslie's avatar

@augustlan Thank you for saying it.

kevbo's avatar

@augustlan, I think I just BSOD’d.

Strauss's avatar

I have 2 daughters. I am 60, and I would not let it bother me. I would probably have a talk with her parents about her feelings and let them deal with the situation. I would hope if the situation were reversed, the object of the 15-year-old’s attention (if he were an adult) would come to me about it.

jonsblond's avatar

@kevbo I’ve often wondered why my son’s friends wanted to spend time with me in the kitchen chatting instead of playing video games. Surely they weren’t all gay.

I kid, I kid!!!

kevbo's avatar

Yeah. Those were the days…

fireinthepriory's avatar

I’m a 22 year old woman (and pretty gay, so it applies). No kids, but I have a 15 year old sister. I’d probably think it was 50% cute, 50% annoying. Like when a 5 year old boy falls in love with you when you’re his camp counselor. Adorable till he won’t leave you alone for ten seconds. I’d probably be very nice to her in the attempt to not embarrass her, but would also make it very clear that nothing could ever happen.

richardhenry's avatar

@fireinthepriory I was totally one of those five year old boys, several times.

justus2's avatar

@richardhenry I am sorry I meant the compassionate heretic

fireinthepriory's avatar

@richardhenry Little boys always do that! Hell, I did it, too… :) I even remember one counselor in particular who I adored who had this long red hair… God, I was predictable even back then!

Thammuz's avatar

Wouldn’t bother me at all. In fact i think the age of consent should be lowered everywhere as in sweden. When I was 15 i was sexually atracted to women, and i wanted to have sex, i don’t see why anyone would want to be treated as a kid in these regards.
As for being mentally prepared, it’s not like 3 years are gonna prepare you for sex, if you don’t do it, that is.

Edit: Wow, i just realized the age of consent is 14 in Italy! With a close age reduction for 13 years olds who have sex with people up to 17! My respect for my country has suddenly gone up a notch!

richardhenry's avatar

@fireinthepriory I once told my very attractive Year 3 teacher that I was one day going to drive her to the staple shop in my car because she’d run out of staples. I remember feeling utterly shot down when she laughed.

JLeslie's avatar

@Thammuz I am fine with a 15 year old girl having sex with another 15 year old or 17, to the extent that the older teenage boy should not be prosecuted as a criminal. But an adult man UNDERSTANDS the impact sex can have, and so he is taking advantage of the young girl. Plus, being attracted to a much younger person is strange I think. I don’t mean a flirtation or a fun conversation, but actually sexually attracted and acting on it bothers me.

I’m a 41 year old woman, no kids.

Grisaille's avatar

No kids.

A. If they are bashful, shy and embarrassed around me, I’d find it both funny and cute. I’d be thinking, “daaaaaaaaw, she has a crush on me.” This would apply to both girls in the scenario.

B. If they were… “pushy”? I’d inform you (assuming you’re the mother) in hopes that you have a conversation with the little buggers.

If it were A., I’d be flattered.

B., creeped out.

Regardless of the situation, however, I’d stay the hell away from them.

justus2's avatar

@JLeslie so you mean to tell me that 17 is ok but 18 and up makes such a huge difference in the mindset, I am 19 and I can tell you, there isn’t much difference.

augustlan's avatar

@justus2 Just out of curiosity, how old is the dude you’re with in your avatar pic?

justus2's avatar

@augustlan do you think that there is something wrong with that? why you say hmm?

augustlan's avatar

@justus2 Well, you are obviously above the age of consent. I can’t speak to your particular relationship, but generally? Yes, I think it’s odd for a 45 year old man to be engaged to a 19 year old girl.

justus2's avatar

@augustlan why is that? he treats me better than anyone I have ever known my own age…

justus2's avatar

I personally don’t think age matters at all

Thammuz's avatar

@JLeslie: Problem with that mindset is that we’re treating anyone who has passed 18 as an adult (in my country). Legally speaking there’s no difference between a 20 years old ans a 50 years old, and you can’t legalize tastes, so if the girl is consenting a 50 year old man can have sex with her, as much as a, 18 year old can. Lawmaking can’t really be that specific, beside if a 14 year old wants to have sex with a 50 years old i don’t really see what’s wrong with that. Sex isn’t a bad thing if it’s done responsibly (and by this i mean “wear a fucking condom”) and bad experiences can come at any time, regardless of age and emotional/intellectual preparation.

justus2's avatar

@Thammuz you are absolutely right, nice to know others think like my fiance and I

JLeslie's avatar

@justus2 No, 18 is fine too. I was just using an example of an age. Somewhere around 22–25, hard to put an exact number, it becomes wrong in my mind.

justus2's avatar

@Thammuz to me the law just states their own opinion of what the age of consent should be, has nothing to do with how I decide my own morals.

evelyns_pet_zebra's avatar

It would concern me, but then, it would be flattering as well. Would I do anything about it? Fuck no. You’d have to be a stone to not appreciate that some one thinks you’re sexy, even if it was someone a third your age.

I have no actual daughters, but I do have an adopted daughter, as in she calls me her ‘odd father’, but that was mostly when she was younger and didn’t get along with her Dad very well. I think I am more like her crazy uncle.

Hell, at my age, getting physical with anyone under 30 would seem creepy.

justus2's avatar

@JLeslie ok. my problem with that is everyone in their mind has this mindset that somewhere it becomes wrong, and decides to draw their own line on that, which to me just tells me that they don’t know, it depends on the individual people and situations, so therefore to me age doesn’t matter at all, it could be 15 and 30, if they are compatible and feel the desires for each other then I say go for it, age doesn’t matter and I don’t see why people make such a big deal out of it.

JLeslie's avatar

@Thammuz many states have laws that require more than 4 years difference in age to be prosecuted for statutory rape. So, a 15 year old girl and a 18 year old boy is technically legal, so is a 17 year old girl and a 21 year old boy, but no a 25 year old man. Depends on the state.

@justus2 What I worry about for you is that he is attracted to 20 year old women, and in 15 years he might still be attracted to 20 year old women. You might be the exception to the rule and have a wonderful relationship that lasts for 40 years, but that is my worry.

justus2's avatar

@JLeslie and that is fine, that has already been discussed. I am not worried, but what I am saying is I don’t get this whole draw the line for everyone on age differences, how about age doesn’t matter and if both individuals are happy with it then all is good?

evelyns_pet_zebra's avatar

@justus2 but you see age does matter, in the eyes of the law. I know your comment wasn’t directed to me, but if a guy my age 49, has physical relations with a girl under 18, no matter how much we craved each other sexually, legally it is statutory rape, and a felony.

Fantasy is one thing, but to carry out an act of sexual relations with an minor is wrong in the eyes of the law, and it is wrong in the eyes of most free-thinking people. It isn’t about age, its about emotional maturity. Young girls in general aren’t emotionally mature enough to handle a sexual relationship with a middle aged man. And besides, what sort of relationship could they have beyond the sex? What would they talk about? What could they possibly have in common, besides body parts that fit together?

A lot of men are latently attracted to younger females, and this is fairly normal. But to act on those impulses is crossing a line that most people know is ‘incorrect’ for many reasons.

JLeslie's avatar

Let me say that I lost my virginity at 15 with an 18 year old, BUT I was the summer before 11th grade, and he was the summer before 12th. When you are young you are more your school grade then your age. So I do not have hard and fast rules, but the extremes are my worry.

JLeslie's avatar

@justus2 If you are talking about a 40 year old women and a 60 year old guy, we, I will speak for the woman who seem to think as I do, we are not worried, because the 40 year old woman has enough experience to make the decision, and weigh the consequences. It is not the 20 year difference, it is that one of the participants is a teenager.

justus2's avatar

@evelyns_pet_zebra well I know it is wrong in the eyes of the law, but I don’t base my own moral beliefs one bit on the law, I think the law is ridicilous. As for the emotional maturity, everyone matures different, there are 15 yr old girls more mature than some 30yr olds so therefore if they are compatible I dont think age matters, and I am not the one to say a 49yr old man cannot have anything in common to talk about with a 15 yr old, and there are some that could have plenty to talk about, all depends on the two individuals.

@JLeslie and all I am saying is that I don’t care what the age is, it is the individual maturity and compatibility that matters. so therefore I don’t care if one is a teenager, it is their decision and if it is a bad one then everyone should learn from their own mistakes.

JLeslie's avatar

@justus2 I am not questioning your morals or your decision. I am questioning his decision.

augustlan's avatar

@justus2 When I was your age, I felt largely the same way you do now. Now that I’ve got loads of life behind me, I feel quite differently. In most cases, if a 45 year old man is in a relationship with a 19 year old girl (and since he’s your fiance, I assume you were dating before you turned 19), one or both of them have some psychological issues that haven’t been dealt with. In the course of ordinary life, 19 year olds and 45 year olds are not peers. There is an inequality in the balance of power.

justus2's avatar

@JLeslie I never said you were, that was at evelyn

evelyns_pet_zebra's avatar

@justus2 well, in the words of Evelyn, life is about choices, your results may vary. I wish you the best of luck in all that you do. The levels of experience between the two of you is lopsided, and 26 years in age difference is rather unusual. But hey, if it works for you, who am I to judge?

I do know that if I had a 19 yr old daughter and she wanted to date a 45 year old guy, it’d be over my dead body.

justus2's avatar

@augustlan I have been hearing that whole “you will think different when you are older” since I was 8 on most of my opinions, and I still don’t think different, that maybe so in some, but the same thing goes for all people of all ages, and yes we were together since a few months after I turned 18 which happened to be right when me and my ex boyfriend broke up was when I turned 18 and then I was always with my current fiance as friends and now are engaged and inlove

JLeslie's avatar

@justus2 I just don’t want you to feel attacked. I am not judging you in any way. I am just explaining why I worry about the situation in general terms. I don’t want to put you in a position of feeling defensive.

justus2's avatar

@evelyns_pet_zebra ok, but I have to say, if you had a 19yr old daughter and she wanted to date a 45yr old man you should get to know the guy and why she wants to date him, but just to let you know at 19 you are an adult and have your own rights to make that choice.

justus2's avatar

@JLeslie Thank you, i don’t feel attacked, I know almost all my opinions are very different from most of society

JLeslie's avatar

@justus2 what you just wrote to Evelyn. I am concerned about why HE is dating a 19 year old girl, more than why you are dating him.

justus2's avatar

@JLeslie because he was getting to know me and helping me out of a very bad situation with my ex and fell inlove with my personality and now does everything for me

Grisaille's avatar

Listen. @justus2.

If you’re happy, he’s happy, it doesn’t matter what we say. We tend to have harsh opinions (as the collective). We aren’t judging your personal situation, we’re looking it at more of an objective eye (which really isn’t fair at all, as we’re including you in the conversation).

We’re saying, “Hey, what are our opinions on a 19 year old dating a 45 year old?”, not, “Hey, what are our opinions on Justus2 dating a 45 year old?”

In our collective experience and knowledge, we find that generally, the intentions of the 45 year old might be a bit questionable or wonky. We also find that the 19 year old may or may not completely understand the actual difference in age, experience, knowledge, maturity gap, etc.

However, your personal relationship shouldn’t have anything to do with this, and don’t take it personally. If you’re happy, whatever. But, on the same note, understand that we’re just psychoanalyzing the situation in itself. I think it’s a fine question (though this particular subject has been spoken on many times recently).

Just speaking on a precautionary note.

justus2's avatar

@Grisaille I understand that, just responding on my opinions in general also, not just on my situation

evelyns_pet_zebra's avatar

Well, even if I did get to know the guy, and even though my daughter was above the age of consent, I might still be concerned as to why there was such a disparity in their ages. As @augustlan said up there, there is an inequality in the balance of power.

I am 49, just four years older than your fiancee, what he could see in a girl your age is easy, when it comes to sexual attraction, he has every man’s dream, but when it comes to a relationship beyond that, there is too much of a gap between you to make it seem non-weird. He is older than you in more years than you are old. While age might not make a difference to you, if we were discussing my daughter, there would be some very serious conversations brought up. Meet the guy, you damned right I’d want to meet the guy.

and lurve to @Grisaille for explaining it in a way that maybe some of us might have overlooked. I am not judging you, but I am showing how I would deal with it, and how it might affect me if it involved my kid. Because to me, even if someone is 15, or 24, or even 19, they are still a kid. But that comes from being this > <close to fifty, I guess. =)

Tink's avatar

I was secretly following this thread and giving lurve
I would say the same thing Grisaille said, it’s your decison of who you want to date even though he is older than you, it’s not my life, but as a collective that was the say

evelyns_pet_zebra's avatar

@Tink1113 psst, it’s decision. =)

justus2's avatar

@evelyns_pet_zebra that is cool, I am just saying even if it involved your kid not to be so against it at first but to look into it before you make up your mind on your reaction, because there are times when it isn’t what people think at first. And now i got to go to sleep, I will get back to this tomorrow night. goodnight all

Tink's avatar

sorry my 9th grade knowledge isn’t that great

JLeslie's avatar

@justus2 I think you said above that he does everything for you, what is “everything?”

And, one last concern, I think you will outgrow him.

evelyns_pet_zebra's avatar

@Tink1113 that’s okay, us old folks don’t mind helping you youngsters to learn, it’s just spreading the lurve. =)

Tink's avatar

@evelyns_pet_zebra haha thanks, I’ve learned more here than at school

Deepness's avatar

All this talk makes me want a cougar.

DrasticDreamer's avatar

@Thammuz Why not just lower the age of consent to 12? I mean, really… There’s not really a difference between 12 and 14. For that matter, there’s not much of a difference between 10 and 12. So hell! Why not make the age of consent 10?

Another thing comes into play, that I think some people don’t even take into consideration: According to the National Institutes of Health, “the region of the brain that restrains risky behavior, including reckless driving, and thinking skills is not fully developed until the age of 25.

Age doesn’t matter? Science seems to disagree.

Jack_Haas's avatar

@JLeslie All men are attracted to pretty 20 year olds. How many 40/50 year old men ditch their 40/50 year old wives for a much younger one when they can afford it? And how come Viagra is such a commercial success?

The truth is, Justus is in a much, much better position than a 45 year old wife married to a 45 year old. Her fiance is the one in a position of weakness: in 20 years he’ll be 65. She’ll be 39. You’re not worried that she likes 45 year old men and will have plenty of opportunities to ditch him for a younger man, while he, at 65, might find it much harder to find another willing 19 year old.

@evelyns_pet_zebra Not all teenagers are like the kids in The Hills. Three years ago I met a couple of 17 year olds in a provincial town. Very pretty girls, and way too mature, driven, ambitious and adventurous for their town and the bleak path that was pre-determined for them. There was a huge gap, intellectually, between them and the other kids I met there. I ended up spending the whole evening conversing with these girls, trying to be as helpfull and inspiring as I could be, giving them all the tips and encouragements I could think of, because they reminded me of myself at that age.

I made the mistake of giving them my number, but had to stop communicating when it became clear the one I liked most had no intention of keeping things clean. Had I not been married however, I would have been glad to be their ticket out of town.

@augustlan When I was her age I felt the same way she does now. Now that I’m in my late 30s, with a lot more experience and a 16 year-old marriage to a woman 25 years my senior, I don’t think differently. Couples with a large age gap face the same problems that same-age couples face.

When I met my wife, at age 22, people my age weren’t my peers. My 40 to 50 year old business associates and partners were my peers. My wife wasn’t my peer either but not because of the age issue. At least we had the same interests and expectations so it turned out to be a great life.

El_Cadejo's avatar

@justus2 Half your age plus seven duh. Anything else is pretty creepy.

Im 20, my parents are 44 and 45….

Kiev749's avatar

uh, yeah. thats robbing the cradle. i mean, 16 is the legal age of consent in kansas… soon as they hit 16 lets talk. :) JK.

SirBailey's avatar

It wouldn’t bother me. It happens to me a lot. I just think it’s funny. It happens to rock stars all the time. I suspect it doesn’t bother them. Don’t the girls that have pics of the Jonas Brothers all over their room have a sexual attraction for them?

I’m not acting on it, so? And Yes, I have a daughter.

filmfann's avatar

I have 2 daughters (one is a step), both are over 24.
The scenario wouldn’t make me uncomfortable, but I wouldn’t do anything.
Firstly, I am married.
Secondly, these are underage kids.
Thirdly (is thirdly a word?) the term Jailbait has a meaning.

Jack79's avatar

It depends first and foremost on how old I’d be at the time. If I was also 15 (or thereabouts) no, it wouldn’t bother me at all, and I’d try and date the one that liked me, based on her overall looks/character (or as I said in a different thread, the size of her breasts). I guess I’d pick the one which looked closer to my age (eg if I was 20 I’d pick the one which looked older for example).

In reality I’m 37. I’m also a teacher, and happen to teach that precise age range (14–17). Which means I have several 15-y-olds in love with me in every class. No, it doesn’t “bother” me as you put it. I have learnt to handle it over the years. It is normal for a teenage girl to be in love (or think she is in love) with her teacher. It’s up to the teacher to show the necessary maturity and be responsible and cope with this issue in the proper manner, taking into consideration the girl’s best interests. For me it has more to do with the role of teacher/student and the trust between them, than with the actual age difference. I’d find it a lot easier to date a 15-y-old who was NOT my student than a 25-y-old who was. In fact I’d never ever date a student, regardless of age (I’ve also taught adults, often even older than myself). I also wouldn’t date a former student, even if years and years have gone by and she’s now 30 or something.

I also wouldn’t date a 15yo for the simple reason that we’d have very little in common. I do like younger women (eg 25 would be nice) but not THAT young. It’s very embarassing when I talk about the Cold War and she doesn’t even know what VHS is.

And yes, I do have a daugher, she is 4. And I should also mention I live in Europe, where sex at 15 is considered normal. Though I would like my daughter’s first time to be with someone who loves her and takes care not to hurt her. And hopefully around the same age.

sap82's avatar

I do not have a daughter. It would not bother me if either of them were attracted to me. It could only do wonders for my self esteem. God bless little girls because little girls get bigger everyday ; )

JLeslie's avatar

@Jack_Haas I did say that I believed it is likely the 20 year old will “outgrow” the 40 year old. But see, if the 40 year old, at the age of 40 (I know that is redundant), does not understand the possible risks, then I have little empathy at his age. A 19 year old likely does not understand the risks, because she has less life experience, and is less capable of fully understanding the consequences. There is a HUGE difference between 19 and 25, not as huge from 25 to 31. Justus brought morality into it, or at least I believe it was she. We had not mentioned morality at all regarding her situation. I am an atheist, not religious, and do not believe there is some punishment here or in heaven that will be exacted on her for having a relationship with this man. I do wonder why she used that word, she said she thinks differently than most people around her on many things. That statement, along with the statement that her fiance does eveything for her, and that she went from one relationship seemingly quickly into this one makes me wonder additional things about her environment at home with her parents, but that is getting very personal. I only wish Justus the best, these may-september relationships certainly do work out sometimes.

PupnTaco's avatar

My daughter is 15, by chance. If one of her friends had a crush on me I’d recommend counseling.

Phobia's avatar

Why should it bother me? I would just act as an adult and dodge any situations where she would be alone with me, because God forbid, someone knew about her attraction and found out I was alone with her. But, I would try to talk to her (in a public place, mind you) and try to dissuade her from being attracted to older men until she is older herself. There are some really sick people out there, and I would hate to see a girl so young hurt.

Also, I don’t have kids.

brettvdb's avatar

I would think it was cute, and that would be all I would think.

SirBailey's avatar

Reverse the scenario. What if they were boys attracted to an older woman? I suspect it happens ALL the time. Cute female teachers in co-ed or all boy schools? Cute male teachers in co-ed or all girl schools? As someone said, it IS an ego boost. That’s all.

And here’s another scenario to think about (just think about it. I don’t want to get this question off course): what if these girls had this “attraction” to all the younger, “cool” guys in the place, but NOT you. THEN how would you feel? Would you try to change in order to attract them? Same goes for women.

casheroo's avatar

@richardhenry You’re 19?!

I think it’s silly to get worked up over something like this. Of course a teen will have uncontrollable attractions to people, they have all those hormones rushing through their bodies. I would find it amusing and think nothing of it.
Now, if the kid was actively trying to pursue me, or being a stalker…then we have a problem. But just generally being attracted? Who cares? 15 year olds have eyes too.

I remember when my husband had to do a Bat Mitzvah (that’s the girl one, right) and the girls were swooning all over him. He said it was creepy but hilarious because they were like, 13 years old.

JLeslie's avatar

@casheroo right, it is not the flirtation it is where are you willing to go with it, I think you said it well.

evelyns_pet_zebra's avatar

@Jack_Haas I have no idea what The Hills even is. If you are referring to a TV program, well, I don’t watch TV. You might as well explain the internal combustion engine to a donkey. I’m not saying all teen age girls are immature little kids, but the age difference of 25 is not something I would feel comfortable with. I am 49, to date someone that is 25 years my junior would make her 24. Sure, a 24 yr old person is legally an adult, and there is nothing legally wrong with a 49 yr old man dating a 24 yr old female, but surely, what would they have in common? I graduated high school in 78, and that was 6 years before she was born. When I turned 21 and got my first legal drink in a bar, she still hadn’t been born yet. When I reached 30, a pretty important milestone in a person’s life, she was just 5 yrs old. Five years old! No one would let a 5 yr old girl have a sexual/emotional relationship with a 30 yr old man, at least not anyone I’d want to know.

The myriad of subjects we would not have in common would probably number in the thousands. What we would have in common would probably be a dozen, at best, in my opinion. It might work for some folks, it might even be cool with you, and all that, but personally, I see it as uber-creepy. That is just how it makes me feel. I am not judging anyone, I am simply pointing out that it seems wrong in my worldview, and I would feel ‘creepy’ dating someone with whom the age difference was more in years than they were years old.

ShanEnri's avatar

I’m not a man, not gay or bi, but I felt a response in order. I have an 18 year old daughter and at 15 she had crushes on older men and women. At 15 their sexuality is confusing to them. It’s always best to talk to the teen with the parents if you feel it’s necessary. Otherwise grin and bear it!

whatthefluther's avatar

@SirBailey….I lived the reverse scenario you describe. When I was 14 my English teacher was about 28 and had been a Playboy centerfold model just a few years prior. Everyone knew it and most had gotten at least a glimpse of her nude photos. All her male students were enamored with her and most undoubtedly undressed her with their eyes, as did I, frequently. It was hard to keep one’s attention on the subject matter. And, of course, she knew it, too….she would answer a dumb stare with a freindly smile and when she noticed a student starting to daydream about her, she would throw a question at them or inquire if they were OK. That was an interesting class and I learned a lot (tho not much had to do with English).
Anyhow, I’m 56, never had a daughter tho I now have two adult step-daughters but did not raise them and it would not bother me if either of the 15 year olds described were attracted to me as long as their behavior was always appropriate (no trying to catch me alone, or make physical contact, etc.). And if either felt the need to undress me with their eyes, as I did to my English teacher when I was young, why have at it, provided it stops there. See ya…

justus2's avatar

@JLeslie well I don’t think so, I think he is wonderful….and if that happens then why would you predict it now, we don’t predict that a 21 and 22 yr old dating will outgrow their relationship, so don’t predict it for a larger age difference, just my opinion.

Zaku's avatar

Neither would bother me, not in and of itself. It’s common and unproblematic (of itself) for teens to be sexually attracted to people, even older people. In fact, I think I overheard a 9-year-old calling me hot to her mom the other day, and the mom agreed in a conversational (ya, what else is new?) tone.

I don’t have a daughter.

JLeslie's avatar

@justus2 of course I cannot know, your opinion means more than mine, because I don’t know either of you personally. I am generalizing, which in many ways is like stereotyping which can be dangerous. In life you have to take eacn individual as an individual in the end.

softtop67's avatar

I wouldnt mind if a 15yr old had a crush on me, I am 42 with a 4 yr old daughter. I think its natural for people to have “crushes” even those that acting on would not be in their best interest. So to me there is nothing wrong with the feeling but rather the action that may be associated with it is where some cross the line.

sakura's avatar

I have been a 15 year old girl (now 31) with a crush on a man before, and I guess I never really thought about how it affected them because at the time its just a crush! I was 18 (just 3 years older) when I met my partner who was 28 at the time, I find it strange that just 3 years makes such a difference in acceptance, however we did get serious warnings from both sets of parents!!
I have a 10 year old daughter and I think my hubby would find it a little awkward if when our daughter reaches 15 her mates start flirting with him—me, personally would find it hilarious coz I know how embarrassed he’d get!!—-

wundayatta's avatar

I would be utterly uninterested if a girl of that age had an interest in me. I doubt it would ever happen, since I seem to have an air about me that puts a barrier between me and anyone who might be interested in me that way.

I have a daughter who is now thirteen. As others have said, it seems natural that girls start thinking about boys (or men) starting at age 11 or 12, and the interest grows with the years. By the time they are fifteen and sixteen, it seems like their hormones are raging. It is probably the time of peak fertility, too. If nature can be said to “want,” I’d say that nature wants girls to get pregnant at that time, and probably with an older man, who has the resources to protect her and support their children.

Of course, nature no longer has the only say in this. In the culture of developed nations, for the most part, mental maturity is also important, not just physical maturity. Men and women, age thirty and above, are expected to be a lot more mature than fifteen-year-olds. They are expected not to take advantage of the power difference between them, nor of any attractions the young ones exhibit. It’s just a crush, we say.

Men and women do fall for kids of age fifteen. There was a female school teacher around here who was recently convicted of statutory rape because she was “in love” with (and having sex with) a fourteen or fifteen year old student. If men were not constrained by social taboo, I think they’d be all over any fifteen-year-old who happened to be interested. When they say they are not, I believe it is because they have been trained by society (and in particular, women). Women are no longer seen as property, or as baby factories. They are now considered to have smarts and personality and equal rights. Social life is different now that several thousand years ago.

Men are supposed to be able to resist their biological urges. We are expected to channel those urges in ways that society considers acceptable. Hell, I think we’re expected to deny we even feel these things, or fantasize about them, much less, act upon them. Well, I’ve been trained. I would never do anything about it, even if I were manic.

At my age, a younger woman is anyone who is less than forty years old. I would consider anyone over forty, even if they were twelve or thirteen years younger than me, a peer. Hell, anyone over thirty could easily be a peer.

My daughter is thirteen. I was a late developer, as far as emotional maturity is concerned. So was my wife. So I wouldn’t be surprised if my daughter is, too. I hope she delays her experiments with sexuality at least until she is seventeen or eighteen, and preferably longer.

Girls (and yes, females under the age of maybe 20 are girls to me, even though I considered anyone older than 18 a woman, when I was that age) should resist their bodily urges, or handle them on their own, and when they do start, I think they should do it with a peer, even if the peer doesn’t know what he’s doing. An older guy, most likely, is going to spoil them for being with a peer, sexually speaking.

Girls like to think of themselves as more mature than they are. They flatter themselves when they have a relationship with an older man. I just don’t buy it. I think they are seeking guidance and more self-esteem, and just aren’t ready to face things in their lives. If it takes sleeping with a man who is going soft (physically and sexually), they are willing to accept that for the protection and boost to self-esteem they feel. (Look Ma, an older man thinks I’m good enough for him, so nyeh!) I think it’s highly likely that they don’t have strong male parental figures in their lives. I think it’s likely they weren’t treated well by mothers, as well. They should all read Nabakov’s “Lolita” if they’re so damn mature.

However, if you’re older than 18, I’ll go along with society, and let children be independent if they want. They can be responsible for themselves, no matter how unprepared they might be for that responsibility. Society no longer has a right to protect them at 18, at least not in terms of “love” relationships. Everyone, always, deserves to be protected from violence. But manipulation or legal coercion—not any more. I would hope men wouldn’t take advantage of them, but I’m sure that most guys would love to bed an 18-year-old, especially if they didn’t have to talk to them.

CMaz's avatar

I would see it as cool!
But no touchie till 18.

JLeslie's avatar

@ChazMaz but no touchie because of the law? So 19 is fine no matter how old the guy is?

SirBailey's avatar

@whatthefluther , I wish I had teachers like that!

CMaz's avatar

“So 19 is fine no matter how old the guy is?”

Why should it not be? If they want to, the 19 year olds that is.

DrasticDreamer's avatar

@daloon I wish I could give you tons of lurve for that question. I completely agree with everything you said.

Not saying it’s true in every situation, but nine times out of ten… If a young woman wants to be in relationship with an older man, it’s generally because she has issues. And if a man that much older wants to be with a woman that young… Well, he most likely has issues too.

CMaz's avatar

I totally disagree.
No question it would be harder to make a connection. It is still possible.
Been there done that.

Note taken.

DrasticDreamer's avatar

I said it was possible. What I said is that it is highly unlikely.

SirBailey's avatar

@DrasticDreamer , the opposite of “not going out with each other” is NOT “a relationship”. Why can’t the couple date from time to time for each other’s company?

DrasticDreamer's avatar

@SirBailey Huh? What’s the point of dating if you have no desire to start a relationship? I don’t really understand what you’re asking me. There’s nothing wrong with people of different ages conversing or enjoying each others company – it’s entirely possible. However, in terms of anything romantic, in most cases – not all, but most – if there’s a big age difference, both of the people involved tend to have emotional issues and the relationship will not tend to be a healthy one.

SirBailey's avatar

When both parties date many people and the older man or younger woman is just one of several people, I think they can have a romantic relationship with no intention of a dedicated relationship to each other. And it’s a great relationship. It’s healthy. Both have a LOT of fun. Nobody has issues.

wundayatta's avatar

Health is always a tricky thing. There seems to be a general consensus, but on issues such as age differences and age for being personally responsible, there are a wide range of opinions. I think it better to err on the side of caution. I don’t expect anyone to be able to do that, given what emotions do to you.

Thammuz's avatar

@JLeslie The problem with your point is that you’re not objecting to the age of consent but to the age difference between the subjects.

Which for the record is an entirely subjective problem.

Not all 15 year olds are immature, and not all 55 year olds are mature enough to have sex, it’s just a matter of personal development, and this, IMO isn’t necessarily influenced by your age.
I have seen perople younger than me being more mature than me, and people way older being complete idiots, so i really don’t see a problem, if you’re mature enough to want to have sex you’re mature enough to experience it, consequences included.

CMaz's avatar

“Not all 15 year olds are immature.” Not from a 15 year old stand point.

Life is about life experiences. It is what you learn from development and repetitive example that you become mature.

With maturity comes the ability to be responsible of your actions. There comes a point in life you will get pushed out of the nest. Do or die you are on your own.

Being 15, it is best to hang on and mature a bit more while you can.

DrasticDreamer's avatar

@Thammuz There are children who are abused and then have the desire to have sex as a direct result of the abuse. They are not ready to have sex, just because they have the desire to. Young people are not raised in America (for the most part) to take responsibility for their actions. Young teens are not mentally prepared to be mothers – which can be a direct consequence of having sex. If a 45-year-old man decides to rape a 15-year-old (and yes, it’s rape, even if the girl “consents”) and impregnates her, she will be responsible for that child, when it comes down to it. She is not financially or emotionally prepared to be a mother.

If people are considered too immature to be able to drive and vote at that age, why the hell should it be okay for a man that much older than her to have sex with her? It’s disgusting, on many levels.

sakura's avatar

@daloon Just a quick note on your comment about 18 year olds (seeking self esteem) and older men. I was 18 when I met my now husband (partner for 13 years , of which we have been married 6) He was 28 I certainly wasn’t seeking self esteem etc… We just happened to meet and fall in love (admittedly we were both a bit drunk at the time) but love blossomed and here we are 13 years later and still as happy as ever my self esteem still in tack!

Thammuz's avatar

@DrasticDreamer If you looked outside your little box you’d realize that’s only the US who has an age of consent THAT high in the western world. Furthermore who are you to say who’s ready to have sex (something biological, natural and with proper education and precaution essentially without consequences) and who’s not? I was ready and willing to have sex form the day i started jerking off, and i didn’t grow any more prepared to do it from that point on (and as a matter of fact i was plenty prepared).

Young people are not raised in America (for the most part) to take responsibility for their actions.
Yeah? And? So? What? Why should the law revolve around the fact that most of your parents are shitty parents?

If people are considered too immature to be able to drive and vote at that age
Driving isn’t something we’re biologically programmed to be good at. Neither is voting. And again i’m not a fan of age limitations to begin with.
But let’s assume this had anything to do with the topic at hand: if a minor deliberately infringes the law several times (Frank Abagnale comes to mind) he IS treated as an adult in the court of law. Why is that? Aren’t minors supposedly not fit to assume their own responsibilities?

When there will be any coherence in your system i will accept your premise that the age of consent set to 18 is because the minor isn’t prepared to face responsibility, until then though i’ll say that’s a crock.

@ChazMaz You’re perfectly right, but there are people who are faster at learning that need less experience to become mature and people for which experience is never enough, independently of age, again we’re talking about maturity and the personal choiche of being involved in an adult relationship, YOU do whatever you want, if you think it’s best to be sheltered as long as you can be my guest. This doesn’t mean that everybody should be forced to.

DrasticDreamer's avatar

@Thammuz Brains are not even done growing until the age of 25. There IS a difference between a 45-year-old and a 15-year-old, regardless of how mature they might seem. Secondly, there are girls as young as ten who have their periods now, but that is NOT natural – it is believed to be caused by chemicals in plastics. If a ten-year-old started having sex and got pregnant, there’s a good chance that she would DIE because her body is not even physically mature enough to handle it. And if you’d be okay with a 45-year-old raping a 10-year-old, well, sir… There’s something very wrong with you and your ideas.

And if you say we’re not biologically prepared for voting – which takes critical thinking skills, what the hell makes you think that someone is biologically prepared to have sex? It also takes critical thinking skills to think of all of the consequences that sex can bring about. And for an older person to take advantage of someone who doesn’t even have the ability – in your own words – to vote (think critically), there is something extremely wrong with that picture.

JLeslie's avatar

@Thammuz you pointed out that the US has one of the highest ages of consents in the western world. I have a few questions about that, I honestly do not know all of the answers. Is it true that in England and many other European countries young adults are done with school at 16? I think this might be part of the reason the US uses 18, because most have graduated high school at that point.

I actually do agree that America is ridiculously puritanical. It endangers our health, makes open discussion on sex difficult and rare, I find this to be dissappointing. But, having been a teenage girl previously, I have to say I agree with the science, teenagers lack some understanding of consequences. We might be able to argue that if at 16 you are out on your own beginning to support yourself, that it matures you faster, your surroundings and circumstances matter. Like a 30 year old might make no real plans for anything, live and let live, spontaneous, and then at 31 he has a child and becomes a different person.

DrasticDreamer's avatar

@Thammuz I’m genuinely curious to hear whether or not you think pedophiles even exist.

Jack79's avatar

Paedophiles are people who like to have sex with children (ie basically people without developed genitals), anyone over 12 is no longer a child. That doesn’t mean that it’s ok to have sex at 12, but it’s a social rule, not a biological one. People were getting married at 12 and 13 for most of our existance as a species, and there is nothing more natural than teenage sex. In fact, it is the prohibition of sex imposed on these precise ages (when humans are “in heat” so to speak) that cause all sorts of psychological problems, anti-social behaviour and so on.

Again, I’d like to stress that this does not mean teenagers should start having sex when they turn 12. Whether we like it or not, we do live in a society, and it is part of what differenciates us from animals. But there’s no reason why the age of consent should be 18 (or 16 in most countries) and not 12, or 24, or 38.2 for that matter. Any number over 12 is a random and arbitrary number and it has nothing to do with the biological age of the individual.

My problem (as others have also said) is that I cannot imagine having a relationship with a 15-y-old, and it would make no difference if she were 18 and over the age of consent (or even 24 for that matter). For the simple reason that we’d have very little in common. My limit right now would be 25, but of course it depends on the maturity of the particular individual too.

And yes, a 15-y-old could easily be my daughter (actually if my first gf hadn’t had an abortion I’d have a 16yo now).

wundayatta's avatar

For me, this is bringing up the issue about the fairness of life. Life, of course, isn’t fair, but some societies try to make it a fair as they can, given the consensus about values. Not every society is as protective of the young as Americans may want to be. Heck, not all Americans are the same. Mormons who believe in plural marriage have no problem with twelve year old brides. Of course, they get prosecuted and convicted of child abuse or something like that.

Still, life is filled with all kinds of unexpected things. War, natural disasters and more force children to grow up awfully fast. In America, we venerate childhood, but who is to say we are right to do so? Are we better than other people for doing so? Or are we naive and paternalistic in this way? For a billion years, males have been fucking females as soon as they come into estrus. Perhaps we are crazy in trying not to behave like that any more.

JLeslie's avatar

@Jack79 I do not think most 12 year old girls want to have sex. If there hormones are surging they might want to be sexually satisfied, but I don’t think generally that they want to let someone else do it, not yet. That girls got married at 13 100 years ago means nothing to me, because women had no rights and were at the mercy of being treated like property.

Thammuz's avatar

@DrasticDreamer: @Jack79 summed it up pretty well.
With that in mind i’d like to remind you that contraceptives do exist and that, contrarily to what abstinence supporters claim THEY WORK. Stop bringing every sexual intercourse to pregnancy, it isn’t a necessary consequence of sex. It is a possible one, granted, but with our technology that’s just a minor inconvenience.

@JLeslie I honestly can’t say about most countries, i can tell you about those of which i have experience: I’ve just finished our equivalent of high-school, and i’m 19 (never repeated a year). My cousin is 18, lives in France and just finished high-school as well (never repeated either).
So no, i don’t really think that’s a factor. What undoubtably IS a factor is that sex isn’t treated as a taboo here. Everybody does it, almost nobody hides it.

My GF’s best friend lost her virginity when she was 13 to a 14 years old boy. She then started having sex with partners from her age up to 26 years old and she’s just 17. While she’s seen as a bit of a whore because she had around 7 different sexual partners in 4 years (most of them just for a summer) the fact that she has had sex with older men isn’t shocking at all, it’s just normal that a woman would want a partner with more sexual experience since more experience = better at it.

Another thing is that, as i previously said, we’re thaught how to use condoms, oral contracceptives and every other form of contracception in school, during our ninth year of mandatory education (age 14 to 15 which, incidentally, is the age of consent here) as well as sexual dynamics, and how pregnancy works (The only thing they don’t teach us is how to perform a wirehanger abortion, that aside we’re pretty much encyclopedias on the subject).

Also prescriptions for contracceptives, morning after pills and whatnot can be obtained without a parent’s permission at very low prices in public hospitals (you get a prescription then you go to a drugstore and buy whatever you need at a reduced price. Me and my GF had to buy the morning after pill twice at the beginning of the relationship, now she’s on the pill so…), so teenagers can take care of their problems without parents necessarily knowing.

All in all i can only say they simply don’t try to force us to stay kids for another 4 years.
Teens are gonna want to fuck, regardless what the law says. Wether they do it with someone their age or Methuselah is not up to the law to decide.

JLeslie's avatar

@Thammuz I am completely in favor of the all of the education you mentioned, and for taking away the tabooness (I’m sure that is not a word) of sex. I HATE that many states in America have made parental consent mandatory for an abortion. I know people who would wisk their kids off to the abortion line if they were pregnant, and still voted for mandatory parental consent, it drives me crazy thinking about it.

I don’t think we are forcing kids to wait 4 more years, we are talking about older men and young girls. Well, there are people here in the states who want girls to wait and are very vocal about abstinence, but they want girls to wait until marriage. Some do a ceremony (it’s a Christian thing I think) where they promise to their father I think that they will not have sex and then they wear a ring on their finger for all to see signifying they have made the promise. That is just as creepy to me as the 15 and 50 year old—yuck.

Jack_Haas's avatar

@JLeslie As a guy in his late 30s I don’t think it’s possible to ignore the risks involved. I empathize with the fiance because I understand his commitment required a hell of a lot of trust, and faith in her. I admire that, because I don’t think I would be capable of trusting someone so much.

But then, again, whatever argument comes to my mind, it always brings me back to square one: how many 18 year old women have invested all their trust and faith in their 18 year old fiance, worked double shift to help pay for his tuition, took care of their apartment while he studied, raised their kids while he was at work, sacrificed their own career so he could excel in his… and then when he hit the jackpot, found themselves thrown out on the streets at age 40 without employable skills because he was banging his 20 year old secretary and tought it was time to ditch the used wife and get a brand new model?

@evelyns_pet_zebra You don’t know what the Hills are? You happy, happy man.

What would a 49 year old and a 24 year old have in common? It all depends on their personalities, backgrounds, interests, etc… some 24 year olds value experience, wisdom, maturity, mentorship, achievements and feel they have nothing in common with inexperienced people, especially those who can’t lay off the video games, aren’t sure they’ll be ready to commit before the age of 40, will still probably trying to find out who they are and won’t make a serious career choice until then… the more childish young men get, the more young girls find out they have much more in common with older men.

What I can’t wrap my head around though is Your analogy that 24/49 = 5/30. This is disturbing.

cyn's avatar

Removed By Me!

JLeslie's avatar

@Jack_Haas I agree with your point…18/19 year old girls probably should not be making life long decisions like marriage…I hope it is a long engagement. I also agre that 24/49 and 5/30 is not analogous.

cyn's avatar

@kevbo about the song…’s awesome much lurve and it explained my love story for my teacher this year…..he’s like around 40….i’m 16
but he’s a teacher..and really didn’t flirt with him..he was just so…handsome….

Thammuz's avatar

@JLeslie See the problem is that “yuck” is subjective. I, for instance, never understood why wouldn’t somebody want to have sex with a young girl, rather than wait 4 years until she’s 18. 18 year olds, if we want to be realistic, are as prepared to have sex as 14 year olds.

That said we’re talking about consenting biologically adult individuals, it’s none of our business to decide what they can or can’t do. As far as mental adulthood goes there’s really no way to tell, most of the adults today don’t seem adults to me (expecially here in italy where our prime minister has the nerve to joke about the US president being “tanned” as he is).

The age gap can be a problem if we’re talking about a relationship, sex isn’t always related to relationships though, sometimes it’s simply a way to have fun (i don’t live it like that, but i can’t force everybody to see sex as i do, furthermore we never know how our POVs change in tome, maybe i’ll start seeing it as an enjoiable activity with no stings attached as well, one day).

Thammuz's avatar

Addendum to @DrasticDreamer: Voting is something that needs more than critical thinking, it needs the capability of thelling if somebody is full of shit, it takes knowledge of the backgrounds of the ideas the candidate is endorsing, it takes knowledge of history and economy. Sex is an instinct. We know how to do it and we want to do it, the only knowledge we don’t have readily set in out brains is how not to get pregnant, which can be solved with about half an hour of sex ed, if you jsut want a quick explaiantion.

In Italy we undertake mandatorily at school 5 hours of sex ed in the first two years of high school, and that’s more than eough, in fact the second year we simply repeat what we already learned in the first one.

DrasticDreamer's avatar

@Thammuz Some of your comments are disturbing, for the simple fact that you’re choosing not to differentiate between a child and an adult. Regardless of how young someone is when they start to have the desire to have sex, it DOES NOT mean they are mentally prepared to handle it. If a 13-year-old chooses to have sex with a 45-year-old, she is not capable of looking at it from every angle. She will not be able to tell if he’s attracted to her because she’s simply attractive or if he’s attracted to her simply because she’s so young. She will not be able to understand whether or not he wants to be with her for some kind of power trip, or if it’s healthy overall.

It’s completely different in my mind if a 13-year-old chooses to start having sex with other people their own age, compared to a 45-year-old man. There are no similarities between them and I believe that only pedophiles would be attracted to a girl that young.

And what about the seven-year-old girls who are having their periods now? Should a 45-year-old man be able to sleep with them? If you reply to me at all, above anything else, please take the time to answer the question I just asked.

JLeslie's avatar

I was watching an episode on Oprah about sex in middle school and high school. They had very young teenagers on, and they were talking about all of the oral sex going on, and that they were being pressured in groups, not just a boy and a girl who had been dating, but at parties. One of the boys said, “the girls want to do it, and I am not going to stop them.” The camera flashed to a couple of the girls from his school and a girl opened her eyes wide in shock with an obvious expression that she is NOT wanting to do it, she looked over at her friend like she might cry.

Another episode they had a young teenage couple who wanted to start having sex and their parents did not want them to. One question that was asked to the teens was, how long do you think you will be together? The boy said maybe a year, and the giril was thinking the rest of her life, she was SHOCKED by his answer.

Don’t think that just because girls are doing things that they really know what they are doing.

Master's avatar

I’d think it was cute… I’d wait two months until they crush over someone else…

Thammuz's avatar

@DrasticDreamer You wanted a reply, and i was gonna reply anyway so here i am.

Some of your comments are disturbing
I know, i’m just wierd that way.

you’re choosing not to differentiate between a child and an adult
I’m choosing not to base my definition of adulthood on physical traits. As i said, i see people who are 50 and still aren’t ready to commit or take life with responsibility as it’s expected of an adult, why should i take biological age as a sign of mental maturity?

Regardless of how young someone is when they start to have the desire to have sex, it DOES NOT mean they are mentally prepared to handle it.
Yes, i know, and regardles of how old they are the notion remains the same. Desire =/= preparation. And this goes for young peole as well as old people. If i had been 21 when i first had sex (i was 17 and i’m late compared to my generation, in which most have had around 2 – 3 partners by 17) i wouldn’t have been any more prepared because only se prepares you for sex.

If a 13-year-old chooses to have sex with a 45-year-old, she is not capable of looking at it from every angle.
And an 18 year old is? please, don’t insult our intelligence. Not only 18 year olds aren’t mature enough by your own admission but they’re even morel ikely to take rushed decisions because of the 4 years of needless wait.
Besides you talk like no 25 year old has ever had a one night stand imagining it would have lasted forever and shit like that.
Disregard that, you talk as if nobody ever had a one night stand ever.

She will not be able to tell if he’s attracted to her because she’s simply attractive or if he’s attracted to her simply because she’s so young. She will not be able to understand whether or not he wants to be with her for some kind of power trip, or if it’s healthy overall.
So what? many adults are incapable of recognising that either, why would Hugh Hefner still be in the business if they were? Or why would Marilyn Manson be with his brand new 20 something wife when he’s 40? Are you suggesting we should impede people with poor lie discernment capabilities from having sex? Because you could be 30 and be a naive dimwit sleeping with anyone who fakes some fake interest in you, age, again, doesn’t count.
And by the way you’re always talking as if women were the only ones having potential problems with the age of consent, it isn’t only men who like young partners, women do too but you don’t find it much in the news because WE DON’T COMPLAIN ABOUT IT (just pointing it out).

It’s completely different in my mind if a 13-year-old chooses to start having sex with other people their own age, compared to a 45-year-old man.
It sure is, what i’m saying is that you’re nobody to deny them that option. Sex isn’t always about love, sex isn’t always about a relationship, sometmies sex is about sex. And if they want to have sex with somebody who could be their father for some reason who are you to tell them they can’t?
By the way you’ve dome me a great favour adding that “in my mind”. You spared me the hassle of pointing out that biologically it made no difference.

There are no similarities between them and I believe that only pedophiles would be attracted to a girl that young.
So? Paedophilia is wrong in OUR culture, and it has been considered wrong for a not so long time either. There is plenty of cultures in the past that didn’t have qualms with paedophilia. The greek culture comes to mind, since it’s the culture who provided a good 70% of the base of our western culture (the other 30% comes mainly from the romans). Besides, once again, paedophiles want somene whose genitalia ARE NOT DEVELOPED. If someone has their period (or is capable to ejaculate) they are developed, so paedophiles wouldn’t want them anyway.

And what about the seven-year-old girls who are having their periods now?
7 year olds who have their periods need medical attention, and i highly doubt having sex would be their priority. For the record i doubt this phenomenon is caused by plastic, we use it and we don’t have that problem, i think they’re slipping you people hormones somehow. But yes, i think they should be allowed, if they so choose.
The problem is that you’re talking about a medical condition, in practice. Their body isn’t ready to hit puberty yet, and i doubt the hormones that are causing them to come from inbound sources, so first and foremost they should be taken to see a doctor, then, IF it’s actually their body which is making them hit puberty, hey, good luck finding a man who would want to have sex with a seven year old. Who am i to argue with a personal decision? And for the record, it’s not like you’re actually able to prevent them from having sex, if they want to. What you can do is makig hellfire rain on the partner, which, in this scenario, has simply had sex with a consenting partner. Maybe a partner dumb enough to be consenting, i will not deny that possibility, but then again we see that in adults as well, and you can’t outlaw stupidity.

Besides a seven year old with a normal mindset is probably not going to be attracted by adults, i know i wasn’t (i thought 18 year olds were OLD).

Before you get all huffy about it as if i ws going out moltesting little children on a daily basis though i want to make a distinction:
I don’t ENDORSE this kind of behaviour. What i do believe though is that in life you should be able to make your decision according to what YOU wnat as long as you don’t harm SOMEBODY ELSE in the process.
If you’re stupid enough to give in to your urge to have sex at 7 years of age, furthermore with a man more than 5 times your age, it’s your problem and your parent’s who haven’t educated you properly about that (or they chose not to). Kids are gonna experiment regardless, just make sure they do it with a partner around their age and the problem will solve itself, afterall it has to be consensual in order to not be rape, just make them not want it if that’s so much of a problem.

Thammuz's avatar

@JLeslie: yeah and i don’t think many adults know what they’re doing either…

DREW_R's avatar

I would be flattered but as gentally as possible explain that her feelings were not appropriate. Hell this isn’t 1800’s any more folks. ;)

Yes I have a 13 yr old daughter.

Response moderated
filmfann's avatar

@DrasticDreamer That is so awful! Your niece will be in my prayers.

ru2bz46's avatar

Holy crap @DrasticDreamer! I’m so sorry to hear – and even sorrier that freaks like that exist.

Response moderated
SeventhSense's avatar

I have no daughter and I used to be a high school teacher and I’ve had 15–17 year old girls tell me they love me. It was very difficult and they can be very agressive. I used to have the classroom door open at all times to protect myself from incrimination. They would try to sit on my lap and flirt constantly. I’d get strict and the tension would only increase. It was highly charged to say the least and very difficult to maintain order. They are constantly pushing and learning about their “power” over men at that age.
Do you know how hard it is (interesting choice of words) for a man? It’s torture

SeventhSense's avatar

And we have a strange relationship to beauty, sexuality and age in this country. The French and certain outstanding American artists such as Jock Sturges have no such notions as to age limitations on beauty. Beauty is beauty and it’s actually an endangered species in our society.
I watched a film (can’t remember the name) about a student who wrote some groundbreaking work about her Austrian town’s skewed history of the Holocaust. During her research she fell in love and even openly dated her high school teacher and it wasn’t even an issue in the film. She later married him and had children with him. In America, that aspect would completely overshadow the film’s main point and actually become the focus.
We have no problem creating eroticism out of Britney Spears in schoolgirl outfit but show a tasteful black and white nude of a teenager and it’s scandalous.

We have a long way to go.

DrasticDreamer's avatar

@SeventhSense I think part of the reason there’s such a hypocritical take on the matter has a lot to do with the fact that teens and younger people have no rights. Why should it be okay that people see them as pieces of meat, or why should it be okay that people sleep with them, when the teens have no rights themselves and are considered too immature to do anything? That’s partly what makes it wrong. Maybe if the day comes these young people are treated as human beings, things might change.

SeventhSense's avatar

Well again it’s our culture. In French society it’s more acceptable that a teenager may be in her bedroom having sex with her boyfriend and it’s also understood that she may be too immature to drive or make decisions about her future just yet. So I guess there is a level of autonomy that they are given more in regards to their hearts and emotions but not complete independence.

Contrarily, in America, we seem to take an opposite tack whereby she/he can take the car into the city but God forbid they are sexually active. Ironically here in the US we really fear true freedom more than anything and as a result we have the insanity of violence that emerges from the shadow of repression.

JLeslie's avatar

I think men just don’t get what is going on in a young girls mind, and the girl doesn’t get it until she is 30 or older. We can hope men will trust that the disgust most adult women show for the idea will mean something (the idea of a 45 year old man and a teenage girl having sex, not a flirtation, I think we kind of have to ideas going on this thread) that we will be taken seriously, but like most things people can’t understand until they have been there themselves. I am also not talking about 15 year olds having sex with each other, I think some people are mushing everything together.

SeventhSense's avatar

Can you reword that? It’s a little jumbled From the gist of it, it seems that the idea of a young girl’s sexuality is a threat to older women? And a young girl can not make up her mind until she’s thirty?

The idea of it is as taboo makes it more powerful not less. I think most adult men would have a hard time having a meaningful relationship with a girl many years their minor. But I think most men would have had consensual sex with at least one teenage girl in their life if there wasn’t the societal taboo. Let’s face it. They are desirable.
Do you think it’s a coincidence that we have a society of Lindsay Lohans and Britney Spears? The main topic for years was Britney’s virginity and then it was Lindsay’s outrageous behavior. No one seemed to think twice that she was going to clubs long before she was even 18. Now that approach is obscene because it’s hypocritical. It’s society’s dirty little secret.
A woman’s sexuality is the most frightening thing to most American’s. And as @JLeslie would have it, when her powerful allure has gone from her she is acceptable(that’s not to say that there aren’t many powerfully alluring women over 30) For centuries the world had a love affair with beauty. No we are terrified of it because it’s too real.
We like fake better.
So maybe in answer to your question Drastic Dreamer I would say no. Who am I to deny someone their feelings.

JLeslie's avatar

No, not at all what I meant, thank you for asking. I mean that as young women become sexual they like that men want them, they feel powerful, wanted, sexy. They don’t really “get” that these older men are pervs that will have sex with them. As a women gets older she begins to understand how men think and how at 15 she did not really understand how sex and the world works, I think this happens to most of us women, but I cannot answer for everyone. This is why most dads are freaked out about their daughters dating, they know what the young men are really looking for, even more freaked out if it is an older man, and girls really don’t believe it I think, not in the way their father knows it.

Did I explain it better?

trailsillustrated's avatar

If I were 18 or under, no it wouldn’t bother me. If I was older than that, yes it would bother me. I have a teen age daughter, she and all her friends act sexy and flirt with everybody. They think it’s funny, especially when they can discombobulate a grown man who should know better. To them, anybody older than 18 is just gross.

SeventhSense's avatar

The nature of attraction is like almost every man pointed out. Women really can’t handle this and would try to suppress this because it’s something about the male psyche that is foreign to them. They don’t understand it and they can’t control it.
Any red blooded man would impregnate a 15 year old girl in a heartbeat if there was no social taboo. The ones who protest either have children of their own or have been programmed for propriety.

JLeslie's avatar

@SeventhSense but what if you know that 75% of those 15 year olds go on to regret sleeping with the older man or feel bad about themselves later (I am completely making that number up just for the question) then do you think twice as an adult male and stop, because you dont want her to feel bad later, or do you just follow your hormones? You can argue that society makes her feel bad, but that does not matter for the question, she is most likely going to feel bad, are you going to do it?

SeventhSense's avatar

My statement definitely needs further qualification. Cavemen not withstanding.
Any man would and any man could because it’s biologically programmed. The fact is there are societal taboos and there has been a development away from this trend for a reason and we are beyond biological drives. A young girl is like you said definitely not capable of understanding the nature of her drives and their full implications. Any adult man should be able to give her the capacity to flirt and flap her wings without escalating it.
It is certainly not wise to paint all young women with the same brush though. There are young girls and there are young women. And some of them have more emotional awareness than men twice their age.

SeventhSense's avatar

men are beasts..

le_inferno's avatar

@The_Compassionate_Heretic, you’d tell a 15 year old girl’s parents that she was attracted to you?

dpworkin's avatar

I would suggest to her parents that she needs some psychiatric assistance.

Zen's avatar

You asked: Would it bother you that they were attracted to you? Yes. Would one bother you more than the other? Equally

Lastly, do you have a daughter?Yes

Response moderated
Nullo's avatar

At my present age of 22, it would bother me, certainly (I’m with the “yes, it’s awkward” crowd). 5–7 years ago, not so much.
I do not have a daughter.

SeventhSense's avatar

It would be funny if you said you had a seven year old daughter. :P

TheJoker's avatar

I’m 33 & I would find it really rather creepy. Thinking about it, I suppose the late bloomer would be ever-so-slightly more creepy, as she looks more child-like. I don’t have any kids & don’t intend to…. but I have got a few niece’s. I’d definitely rather not know, if that’s an option.


It has happened to me once, with a 16 year-old girl, and although it didn’t really “bother” me, it did make me purposefully ignore her for the very fact that she was so much younger than me.

lilmissmuffin's avatar

When i was 15 i thought i could handle a mature relationship with a 21 year old guy, but i was so very wrong. The only thing we had in common was of course sex. I cared about him but all he saw in me was a piece of young meat. He went to bars knowing i couldn’t go and that was the reason for many of the fights we had. Needless to say he broke my heart after a year together. He cheated on me with a girl his own age. I regret that period of my life. I thought i knew everything and didn’t care what anyone thought. I thought i was mature but not mature enough to handle the heartbreak that comes with it. Young girls in this aorld are in such a hurry to grow up that they stop being the kids that they are and up with a boatload of regret that they didn’t have a childhood. I look back and wonder what he gained by being with a 15 year old girl. Most likely bragging rights.

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