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Kiev749's avatar

Should I kick her to the curb or give her one more chance?

Asked by Kiev749 (2092points) July 15th, 2009

First off i work 3rd shift, 9PM to 5–8AM, that being said, lets begin. This girl and i have been steadily hanging out and we made plans to hang out on saturday at 2. so saturday rolls around and i wake up around 1 and send her a text and i get no response. I wait until 130ish and send another again, to no avail. 215 rolls around and i call her and i get her voicemail. Giving up, i go back to bed until i head to work at 9. about 11pm saturday night i get a text from her saying, I’m sorry, I decided to take a nap and slept through our hanging out. Want to hang out tomorrow at the same time? Thnking, everyone makes mistakes… :sure: Sunday rolls around same thing happens. I call/text and don’t get a response. monday morning rolls around and i have a message waiting for me from her. “sorry again, i was stuck cleaning my apt. and moving into my new place.” (she said she was moving to a new place and her old place well. it was trashed.) I told her no problem and we set plans to hang out Tuesday (yesterday), on my day off. I wake up tuesday morning to a text. It read, ” I know you must really think I suck, but i need to cancel plans.” I didn’t know how to respond. I wanted to be pissed off beyond all belief, but i kind of like this girl. What would you do in a situation like this?

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27 Answers

cyndyh's avatar

At least she’s telling you now instead of just being a no-show. It also sounds like she’s recently been going through some stuff—moving and all. I’d say to give it another go and see if she can be counted on when things stabilize for her in her new place. If she continues to be a flake for more than a week then I’d forget about it.

chyna's avatar

I would say you have given her enough chances and she has shown complete disregard for your feelings. If it were my situation, I would not make anymore plans with that person.

Bobbydavid's avatar

Yeah, goodbye!!

whatthefluther's avatar

You are on a schedule that is difficult to work with, for others not on a similar schedule. And she had a legitimate reason to miss the second meet, tho she should have contacted you in advance to cancel and reschedule. Did she have a legitimate reason to cancel the third meet? If so, give her another chance, but discuss your communication expectations when you do meet. You’ll probably come to reasonable agreement on how to confirm or cancel future dates and laugh over the whole thing. If she did not have a legitimate reason, she appears a flake to me, and, considering she is not giving you due respect or providing you basic courtesy, I would lose her! Best of luck to you. Would be interested in hearing how everything works out, if you care to share. See you around… (my initials)

lilgiraffe's avatar

Well, if you are thinking of building a relationship with an unreliable person… Probably not a very good idea, don’t you think?

RandomMrdan's avatar

I’ve been in a similar situation like this…

It sucks, especially if this is a girl that you’re really into. I kept getting blown off, just like you’re describing, and finally I just said “Don’t worry about hanging out, you’re clearly not taking our time together serious”. And just left it at that.

Now if you’re dating, it’d be another story all together, but if not, I’d say give it one more shot, and then kick her to the curb after that.

Kiev749's avatar

@whatthefluther it gets at me because i cut my sleep schedule pretty much in half on saturday and sunday when i was expecting to spend time with her. and yesterday, (tuesday) just perturbed me because it was one of my two days off a week. Her reasoning was that she watched valkyre and went to Tgi Fridays with her roommate. woo. Then saw her at the local theater that night for the midnight release of Harry Potter. yeah. that was fun.

I’ll continue to update on this for about a week or so… we’ll see how it goes…

whatthefluther's avatar

@Kiev749…..Yes, it sounds like a one way street. You are putting forth all the effort and she will acquiesce only if convenient. And, her lack of both respect and common courtesy does not speak well to her character. Hey, wait a minute here….what exactly do you like about this girl or what makes her attractive to you? It would sadden me to think we should be discussing your sanity as opposed to her character. I trust you are well and perhaps it is the case that she is simply irresistible and/or absolutely gorgeous! If that is this case, enjoy yourself and put up with her crap as long as you can stand it. And remember, there is nothing like a couple well earned scars to eternalize incredible memories. Best of luck to you. See ya….wtf

marinelife's avatar

At best, she is a pretty careless friend. Some people have different ideas about time. Others have their own issues.

In any case, you two obviously have a different style. A frank talk about that is in order. If she can’t or won’t move closer to your expectations some, this is not the relationship for you.

jbfletcherfan's avatar

I agree with Chyna way back up there. She’s had enough chances. If she was interested in seeing you, taking a nap & cleaning her apartment would have come later. She’s putting you on the back burner for stupid reasons. If I wanted to see someone, they would come first. That’d sure be it for me! If she comes back & asks why you haven’t called or come around, tell her why. This is tacky treatment!

sap82's avatar

Kick her to the curb.

The_Compassionate_Heretic's avatar

“Kick her to the curb” suggests you’re not really that into her either.

Clearly she doesn’t want to date you so move on and don’t lament it.

kevbo's avatar

Some girls like to test guys to see what they will put up with. (I don’t get it either.)

The “correct” response is to tell her that you have a dating rule about this and that after three tries you can’t talk to her for awhile. Then you have to enforce it until she comes around or you feel like she’s waited long enough.

CMaz's avatar

Don’t be a tool.
Cut loose the fool.

You are a much better person. As much as you might desire someone in your life. She is not it and except for the meager communication you both have. She is just an elusion.

The right girl is out there. Focus on getting the right amount of sleep. So you can be ready and refreshed for when she comes along.

marinelife's avatar

@ChazMaz “elusion”? Good pun.

cwilbur's avatar

She sounds like a flake—not only because she cancelled on you three times in a row (when the second two were her suggestions for time), but also because she left you hanging for the first two.

I’d be pissed off. Whether I bothered with another chance would depend on her pattern of behavior in previous weeks. For people I’ve just met, blowing me off once means you don’t get a second chance; blowing me off three times in a row would sour my relationship with anybody I hadn’t known for a good long while.

It’s not that I don’t think things can come up suddenly; I think it’s a matter of basic courtesy to tell people as soon as you know. If she has to clean the apartment, that’s fine, but leaving you waiting and wondering for 9 hours before telling you is emphatically NOT fine.

Jack79's avatar

Had a girl like that. I ended up kicking her to the curb seven times, and taking her back six of those. I don’t think I’ve ever rejected anyone that much (or given anyone more than 2 chances max). I think she was worth it, but I had enough at some point.

If this girl keeps apologising, it means that she does actually like you and does actually want to date you. And if you did start dating, she’d probably get into the habit of meeting you at certain times (especially if you eventually moved in together at some point) and it would possibly work fine. But until that happens, it’s obvious that she’s generally unreliable and chaotic, and there’s very little you can do about that. It’s not her fault, she is just like that.

So if you have the patience to deal with it, and think she’s worth the hassle (and a lot more to come) then go for it. But my hunch says forget her.

christine215's avatar

Ok, I’m about to get killed for this and I don’t want sound too harsh but if she were really into you, she’d MAKE SURE that she’d set her alarm clock or whatever and she’s make time for you.

I remember being TOTALLY into this guy that was a bartender at a nightclub… he slept days and worked nights…If he was up for hanging out for coffee or whatever after work, I’d do what I could to make time for him. (eventually of course the schedule conflict was wayyy too much… oh that and the fact that he was a man-whore made me leave him)

cwilbur's avatar

@Jack79: I don’t think her willingness to apologize is an indicator of anything. The flakes I’ve run into were always terribly apologetic, but they never did a damn thing to change their behavior.

sakura's avatar

Give her one more chance , it sounds like you are wanting too and you don’t want to regret not doing. Make sure you tell her that this is her final chance as you need your beauty sleep!! If she blows you off then I would move on… who knows if you are really meant to be together then at some point in the future your paths may cross again, that way you will now it was meant to be!!

amoreno06's avatar

i don’t think she wants to date you.
I think she just wants to be friends…
Like, “you’re cool to hang out with, but not really dating type” for her anyways.

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

It reads as though you are an afterthought or self serving distraction for her. No need to kick her anywhere, just stop responding all on your own.

cyn's avatar

I woudl kick her to curb…No more chances!

Kiev749's avatar

OK, After much thought and talking to her about it, I am giving her time, she said she’s been working 40+ hours at work and her classes are killing her, i could understand, she has 20+ hours in the summer… but after they are done, we are supposed to spend some time together so we’ll find out. classes end on the 6th.

RandomMrdan's avatar

Good luck man, hope things work out for you both. I would understand given her schedule I suppose.

Austinlad's avatar

Move on, man. You know it’s what you should do without any input from us.

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