Social Question

The_Compassionate_Heretic's avatar

Your mom joins Facebook and wants to be your friend. Do you accept?

Asked by The_Compassionate_Heretic (14634points) July 22nd, 2009

Does mom jeopardize your Facebook street cred?

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

79 Answers

Syger's avatar

That’s why I used an alias for mine. :[

La_chica_gomela's avatar

I accept the day hell freezes over, and she knows it.

It’s not about “street cred”. Facebook is for my friends. I don’t need more friends, I need a mom, and those are two separate parts of my life. She was upset at first, but I explained it to her, that to me, if she was my “facebook friend” it would be like she was sitting with me at a party or gabbing on the phone, listening to everything me and my friends said to each other. I’d feel uncomfortable, and probably so would she.

Allie's avatar

I let my mom’s friend request sit there until it expired and went away on it’s own. I did the same with my uncle’s.
The thing is I told my mom before she tried to add me that if she ever did I wasn’t going to accept. She still tried.
I felt bad, but when she asked me I said “I told you I wasn’t going to add you.” Then she laughed, so I guess it’s all ok.

Likeradar's avatar

Yup. My mom, dad, and 5 of my bosses are my facebook friends.

It’s always good to have a reminder that what I put on the interwebz should be a representation of myself that I’m comfortable with the world seeing. Also, they all know I’m not an angel.

hearkat's avatar

I was on FB before my 18-year-old son, and when he finally signed up, he requested me, as have several of his friends! I comment on their pages and pictures and they don’t seem to mind.

aprilsimnel's avatar

Sure. I care naught for cred.

Likeradar's avatar

I’m curious about the ages of people who would friend their moms vs the people who wouldn’t. I’m 29. There’s no way in hell I would have if facebook was around when I was 17.

Tink's avatar

I would never add my mom in facebook (if I had one), why would I need too, if I want to tell her something I would just go up to her and ask.

Capt_Bloth's avatar

I live in a different state than my mom, I have actually asked her to sign up to make it easier to stay in touch with her

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

I have a second fb account strictly for family members. My primary acct. is set up so it can’t be accessed or googled with much success- on purpose. On my family acct. my mother is featured and welcomed though she has little interest.

eponymoushipster's avatar

no. that’s what a telephone is for.

Jeruba's avatar

I signed up only because my son told me to so I could see the pictures he posted. I virtually never go on, but I get a message now and then. A nephew and two nieces all friended me.

kenmc's avatar

No. I have had older relatives try to add me and I rejected their friend request.

augustlan's avatar

My mother? No. If we were close, I probably would though.

For my 15 year old, it’s a requirement.

jonsblond's avatar

I don’t use Facebook but I asked my 15 year old if I could friend him on and he nervously asked “Why?”. We even enjoy the same music.


DominicX's avatar

No, probably not. My mom knows I drink and party and all that; it’s not that. It’s just that some of the photos are embarrassing and they’re not exactly what I want my parents seeing. I also am going to college and I’m trying to become my own person; I don’t want my parents following me and monitoring me constantly online. My mom would understand if I didn’t want to add her. There’s a 99.9% chance she’s not going to get one and neither is my dad. They’re not interested.

Facade's avatar

No. I need some sort of privacy.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

Well this would never happen as she doesn’t even know how to turn on a computer, but sure I’d accept.

The_Compassionate_Heretic's avatar

I’ll add her. I’m preparing for the awkward questions at my birthday now.

evelyns_pet_zebra's avatar

Who showed my mom how to use a computer to access the Internet?

evelyns_pet_zebra's avatar

@Allie she laughed because she is taking you out of the will.

Tink's avatar

@The_Compassionate_Heretic Whens this “birthday” you speak of??

monsoon's avatar

I would, but my mom probably doesn’t even know what Facebook is.

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

I love my mother and family but I refuse to be censored for their sake when goofing with friends. Put mom’s in their own sandbox.

jeanna's avatar

Done and Done. My sisters, nephew, niece, cousins, uncles, etc. are all friends on my facebook.

(Someone asked about age; I’m 29.)

Darwin's avatar

My daughter sent me a friend request on Facebook (I accepted), and I sent her one on MySpace (she accepted).

I don’t abuse the privilege, however.

Sarcasm's avatar

My sister, brother, sister-in-law are all on facebook and I gladly friended them, and chat with them from time to time.

My mother is on facebook, but I won’t friend her. I don’t have anything to hide from her, I’m not partier, I don’t have pix of gay sex parties or of bong hits, nothing of that nature at all. It’s just too weird for me (for the record, I am living with my parents still). I have some aunts on facebook (on my mom’s side) who I won’t friend for the same reason. Right now I have 3 friend requests gathering dust on FB, one from my mom, 2 from aunts. They’ve been there for a few months

A lot of my cousins have it, and I won’t friend them just on the fact that I don’t like them. Only two of my 30+ cousins I can actually stand, and neither one has facebook.

Slightly related:

The_Compassionate_Heretic's avatar

@Sarcasm That’s some funny stuff!

jeanna's avatar

It isn’t a big deal at all to me. I can understand why teenagers wouldn’t want to add their parents, but don’t get why adults wouldn’t want to. It isn’t like they can ground you!

(unless you still live with them…)

eponymoushipster's avatar

@jeanna that’s a burn, dude.

cwilbur's avatar

Sure. I don’t put anything on Facebook that I don’t mind being made public. If there’s stuff she wouldn’t want to know, that’s not my problem.

eponymoushipster's avatar

@jeanna a tad, given recent economic difficulties in the US. some people are living at home, and not for the reason of being slackers.

jeanna's avatar

@eponymoushipster I wasn’t implying that at all. I thought I was making a joke. Fail. (As someone who lost their job last month, I assure you I understand the economic difficulties.)

monsoon's avatar

@eponymoushipster maybe it was harsher than I thought, but I didn’t think that was what @jeanna meant. I could have been wrong. Wait, let me see what jeanna is typing… yeah okay.

eponymoushipster's avatar

@monsoon @jeanna no i wasn’t offended. just saying.

shrubbery's avatar

Nah. But not really cause there’s too much embarrassing stuff on there- I mean there is some, but whatever, it’s just that a lot of my friends swear and are rude when commenting my facebook page, and I don’t want my parents to see that I guess. I do have my uncle and aunt and cousin and grandad on there though… hmmm… I wonder if they noticed if I deleted them…

MrMeltedCrayon's avatar

I added my mother. I didn’t see a reason not too. She was shocked by some of the things she saw/read apparently, but it didn’t kill her.

N0name's avatar

Well a friend of mine was in the same dilemma. Told him to accept her but give her a limited view to his account, if it really is such a big deal. I got my mom as a friend, and some times she even writes on my wall. Haven’t really got anything to hide from her, so I don’t see a problem here.

PupnTaco's avatar

Sure, I got nothing to hide.

Well, actually I do, but I’m sure as hell not gonna post it on Facebook.

I have a pretty strict IRL rule for Facebook with few exceptions. Twitter is a free-for-all.

lillylithium's avatar

As far as I’m concerned, if she sent me the request, fine, she can be my facebook friend. She knows how to find me, and has never send the request. I assume it’s because she realizes there are parts of my life that she is probably better off not knowing.

cyndyh's avatar

Yes, I do. I don’t post anything that I wouldn’t be ok with her knowing.

tiffyandthewall's avatar

my mum is my myspace friend. facebook – ehh.
though i tell my mum a lot, she tends to jump to conclusions and will not try to understand something if it doesn’t fit into her narrow concept of what is right and wrong (which truly does make it difficult to do so!).
i love her to death and respect her, but i’d really rather keep facebook away from my mother – and family in general. just as i don’t show my mum emails i write to my friends, or letters i write, or give her the word-for-word of my telephone conversations, i wouldn’t feel comfortable with her ‘lurking my wall’.
i feel as if i’d – subconsciously or not – alter what i say, and always be paranoid that she’s going to take something the worst possible way per usual.

StephK's avatar

I accepted my boyfriend’s mother’s friend request so if I didn’t accept my own mom’s… I probably wouldn’t live to tell you how it worked out.

Besides, I like my mom!

OpryLeigh's avatar

@Likeradar I am 23 and I accepted my mums request. I have other family members on there, why not her. I did warn her that I sometimes swear in my status but she’s never had a problem with hat anyway. I’m not on Facebook for the “cred”. I accept requests from anyone I know and like. My mum is hardly ever on her Facebook anyway!

casheroo's avatar

I have my mom, multiple aunts and uncles, lots of cousins, my in laws….I don’t see the problem. They’re family, they know who I am..if they don’t like me on Facebook then they can defriend me.
I have noticed I limit my cursing a lot more, which is probably a good thing.

Hambayuti's avatar

When my mom told me that she was thinking of opening an account since she’s been getting invites from a lot of her friends and relatives and plus the fact that me, my husband, my son, my younger sister and her son were all members, I said “Sure, why not? I’ll even teach you how.”...but my heart was frantically racing. When my sister learned about it, she immediately locked her pictures and profile. LOL. Luckily(?), my mom changed her mind (I think. Unless she has already created one and is not telling us. Hmmm…)

I have a 12-year old son. It’s mandatory that he adds me…unless he doesn’t want to touch a computer keyboard at home again. =P

autumn43's avatar

I befriended my daughter (17) and she accepted! She does kind of use some language I cringe at (and we have had the “your future employers will see this” discussion) and sometimes I have made comments like ‘no swearing!’ or “OMG! Take that down!” but she just Xs out my comments. =)

Now that I am a FB oficionado I can say I’m very happy to see what she is up to here and there – but I’m waaaay to busy with my friends to worry. It is funny though – a couple of weeks ago I put up a status thanking my trainer for helping me to get where I am. Apparently the wording was too risque for her and she sent me an urgent text (she was at her friend’s house) asking me to PUHLEAZ change the status because it sounded way to salacious for her – and hence, she would obviously not want me to seem not mommish! I complied after reading what I put and seeing that it could be taken the wrong way.

Anyway, both of my children (my son is 19) are my friends on Facebook and we have nothing to hide, so it really isn’t any big deal. I rather like having my children as my friends, and I bet if you asked them, they would say the same about me.

(In the beginning when I told her I was joining Facebook I got it mixed up with MySpace and said I was joining ‘MyFace’. I have since gotten a lot better at the names of all these sites!)

Judi's avatar

My poor kids. They’re all my friends. So are my nieces and nephews.

asmonet's avatar

I kinda had to. My mom added me last week. I would have anyway, but she got all sad when I didn’t rght away. It was sorta cute.

tedibear's avatar

I was a little concerned about adding my husband, so I’m pretty sure I would have hesitated about my mom. It’s not so much about hiding anything, but some of the “conversations” that happen on people’s status posts get a little carried away and I’m not sure he “gets it.” Either that or he’s rolling his eyes wondering what kind of a weirdo he married.

@autumn How did I miss your salacious trainer post?!?

autumn43's avatar

@tedibear – don’t know – but it wasn’t up for more than 5 minutes probably! It wasn’t really that bad! But being that my daughter called me on it – I took it down. =)

deni's avatar

my older brother invited both my parents to facebook via one of those emails and they both joined without knowing what it was. i accepted them both. my mom uses it sometimes but my dad rarely does. i don’t mind, but then again my parents are cool and aware of everything i do so it’s really not a problem.

by the way this was my first post i thought i should mention this. this website is neato.

Darwin's avatar

Wlecome to Fluther, @deni!

I haven’t heard the word neat-o in a very long time.

TitsMcGhee's avatar

I am friends with my dad, my older brothers (aged 37 and 23), some of my mom’s friends, my boss, some of my high school teachers, and even a college professor. I do watch what goes on facebook of mine, and I figure that, if I don’t want them to see it, it probably shouldn’t be on facebook at all.

cak's avatar

If my mother was on Facebook, I’d probably pass out. I just got her to the point where she actively uses email. However, I would friend her.

As a requirement for my daughter to have a facebook page, she had to add either myself or my husband. She added my husband. She said I don’t respond fast enough and she gets annoyed that I don’t answer messages in a timely manner. She just asks me whatever she was going to send to me, anyway.

mirifique's avatar

The easiest solution is to “LimPro” (create a limited profile for) your mom, relatives, boss, etc. This means calibrating your privacy setting such that a select group of people, or select individuals will only see what you let them see. You can also create groups/lists of people you want excluded from viewing particular aspects of your profile (a highly underutilized feature). Eventually these individuals may catch on and say something like, “hey, I noticed your wall looks different—I can’t see what everyone wrote on it!” or “hey, I can only see your photo albums, and not all those crazy party photos of you drunk which were so cool.” If this occurs, just smile gently and say you think you recently changed your privacy settings and that might have restricted access to your wall, photos, etc. (which is true). They might get the hint, but I think this much gentler than refusing to accept their friend request at all, particularly if they know someone who is your friend, and have found out through this person that you’ve been active on Facebook and have been ignoring their request.

dynamicduo's avatar

My entire family are my Facebook friends, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I would never put something up on Facebook that I wouldn’t be proud to show my parents in person. Sure sometimes people put unflattering photos of me up, but I don’t waste any time worrying about that. Nor would I go through the efforts of limiting my profile to them. It’s all or nothing, and I have nothing to hide from my parents at all.

Tearofdeception's avatar

It all depends how old you are… I’m done doing crazy things that my mom wouldn’t approve so why not? If you’re underage and people post pictures of you with a 40 of JD in hand and a spliff in your mouth I would say decline… But that’s just me!

DominicX's avatar


It’s not that I think my parents would punish me, not much they can do now that I’m going to go to college and I’ll be 18 in exactly one month. But like, there’s one picture of me freaking with this girl in 9th grade. I like the photo, I think it’s cool, but it’s just embarrassing for my parents to see that; it’s kind of private. I don’t care if my friends see it, but for my parents to see it is not the same. Still, my friend recently became friends with her dad on Facebook and she has all kinds of crazy crap on hers and she’s not changing a bit of it or limiting anything.

Tearofdeception's avatar

It’s all up to you man, what mama don’t know won’t hurt her! Lol

Have a good weekend

Likeradar's avatar

@DominicX Welcome to the beginning stages of the wonderful world of adulthood… Balancing the roles of being a friend to your parents, and still being their baby. It’s hard to navigate between keeping them proud of you, and letting them see the kind of person you are when they’re not around. I couldn’t imagine how Facebook factors into that. I’m so glad I passed that stage pre-social networking sites!

DominicX's avatar



Yeah, I’m one crazy mofo when they’re not around…haha

But that’s why I’m glad my parents haven’t expressed any interest in joining Facebook. Not that they don’t know computers, my dad knows more than I do, he builds them and programs and knows all the latest gadgets and software and crap, but he doesn’t seem to be interested in social networking.

girlofscience's avatar

Yeah, I am friends with my mom on facebook. I actually requested that she make an account because she was constantly asking me to send her my pictures, and emailing pictures is such a bitch. So I was like, “Just join facebook. Then you’ll be able to see them easily.”

She’s 60; I’m 23; we live 8 hours apart. It’s a nice way to keep in touch.

Likeradar's avatar

My mom has been my FB friend for a while, but she just started using it a few days ago. My boyfriend just told me my mom sent him a FB request, and she is also FB friends with my best friend.
Oy vey. :)

I think it’s kind of cute that she’s trying out technology. And like @girlofscience, my mom and I live far apart and only see each other a few times a year. I kin of like that she can keep up with my life better now.

DominicX's avatar

Ah, my mom just created her own Facebook profile today. Epic lameness… :P

casheroo's avatar

My 80 year old grandmother joined Facebook recently. I have no problem with her being on my friends list either. She can’t figure out how to even log on, but she’s trying! lol

OpryLeigh's avatar

@casheroo That’s so sweet! When my grandmother first started to use the internet and email she didn’t know about the space bar so everytime we got an email from her it would be one long word and we would have to fill in the gaps ourselves!!!

casheroo's avatar

@Leanne1986 lol. Her children got her a laptop, but she had a PC before…apparently when she first tried using the mouse she held it up in the air trying to make it move and click. The thought of that cracks me up.
Also, I don’t understand why all these elderly people are bad at typing! She used to be a typist, a great one apparently….but she has so much trouble on the computer. I didn’t think it was too different.

eponymoushipster's avatar

@casheroo spaces between words were only invented in 1954 by the SpaceCo Company of Sandusky, Ohio. Before that, it was just a garbled mess. that’s why older folks don’t “get” the space bar. it’s newfangled technology.

Reader65's avatar

I am a friend on my daughter’s facebook page. I live in New Zealand and she lives in London, so it is really nice to see the photo’s she put up. I notice she never answer’s my messages or joins into any discussions with me, and has strictly forbidden me to upload any pictures of her which may surprise or shock her. I honour her wishes.

AshlynM's avatar

Obviously it depends if you are a teen or an adult.

I see no problem in adding your family member. If you don’t want them seeing your profile or friends, you can just customize your profile to your liking.

Judi's avatar

Since this was first posted my daughter has unfriended me. :-(

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