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1000oceans's avatar

Alone forever or someone special waiting for you?

Asked by 1000oceans (178points) July 24th, 2009

does anyone else feel like they are going to be alone forever? everyone in my family either never gets married or marrys and then it doesn’t work out and then just stays alone…

do you think it’s hereditary?

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22 Answers

CMaz's avatar

Alone forever? I hope not, but I have become such a complex person over the years.
She would have to be quite unique.

Judi's avatar

I am one of those people who were never designed to be alone. I feel really blessed that my husband is such an amazing guy.
I met him after the death of my first husband and if I am honest with myself, I was in such a crazy state of mind I could have ended up with anyone. Someone was looking out for me. :-) been married 19 years next month.

Phobia's avatar

I wouldn’t mind being with someone again, but I’m perfectly happy with myself. My schizophrenia keeps me company.

marinelife's avatar

I don’t think it is either. I think there is a whole continuum of experience in between.

Recently, the Washington Post did an article on a couple married 64 years. One thing the man said struck me, because I had never heard it expressed this way before. He said that he thought that if they had been married to other people, they would still have been married more than 60 years, because that’s the attitude they had. They were both upbeat and wanted to make mariage work. She said the secret to their marriage was to “be nice to each other”.

I think there are many possible mates for us in the world. It is up to us to be open to being in relationship and willing to work at it.

It sounds like you don’t have good examples of that in your family. That doesn’t mean you are “fated” to follow that pattern or that there is a genetic predisposition for that to happen.

Think about what you want in your life.

Judi's avatar

@Marina ; I agree. Lasting love is more a decision and an action than a feeling. Feelings are important, but I think they’re way overrated in our society.

hug_of_war's avatar

My family, on both my mom and dad’s side is cursed with loooooots of divorce and even though I’m happy in my relationship I do worry it’s hereditary even if that’s a crazy thought.

Hambayuti's avatar

I don’t think it’s hereditary. I think happiness is a choice…then so is loneliness…

If you don’t find that someone special for you, there would always be family and friends to keep you company.

answerjill's avatar

I figure he’s biding his time under a rock somewhere….

fireside's avatar

Someone special has found me.

Don’t let yourself believe that it is hereditary or you will put yourself into a negative mindset which will cause you to stop looking and then you may miss someone special.

1000oceans's avatar

i mean, i am a strong believer in love. ..but i at the same time just have a hard time dating

it just has to “feel” right…i have a hard time dating someone cause we have a few things in’s more of a soul thing…

do you guys get this too?

Phobia's avatar

Yeah, I’ve felt like that before, with many different girls. Sometimes things don’t click, but it’s not always supposed to click.

cwilbur's avatar

It’s probably not hereditary, but it does have a lot to do with learned behavior. If you had only unhealthy relationships around you growing up, it is unlikely that you’ll figure out on your own how to have a healthy relationship.

badapple's avatar

It’s not hereditary but as cwilbur said, you might just be learning from previous bad behvavior.

Being alone isn’t a bad thing… being in a bad relationship is. If you find the right person then go for it… otherwise do what makes you happy. There are enough things in this world to keep one occupied and feeling fulfilled for many lifetimes.

aprilsimnel's avatar

To paraphrase Henry Ford (who I know in some respects was not the nicest person around, but even broken clocks are right 2x a day), whether you think you can or can’t find a partner, you’re right!

It’s up to you whether you want to continue to maintain the mindset that you can’t have a fulfilling relationship. You make the choice to believe that, and if you do, then being alone forever is exactly what you’ll get.

If you’re mature enough to write this question, then you’re mature enough to understand that your family’s beliefs and actions with regards to anything don’t have to be yours. You obviously see that their way isn’t working. This is letting you know that you can make different choices for yourself. You’re you. Make your life the way you want it. Believe that you are as worthy of a good relationship as anyone else, and start with the relationship you have with yourself.

Treat yourself now the way you want that special someone to treat you. Treat yourself today with the loving kindness that you’d shower on that special person.

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

I believe it’s almost impossible to be alone for very long, I’ve tried it several times but amazing people continue to find me.

YARNLADY's avatar

Forever? Ha! There is no such thing. When I found myself single again, I thought there would never be another love for me, and lo and behold, he turned up anyway, only to be snatched away, yet again. This time, I thought, is the last time. But, yet again, another wonderful man came into my life, and we lived happily ever after -so far.

nebule's avatar

I’m still hoping that the dream will come true but I am doubtful

fireside's avatar

This thread reminds me of a story from the Valley of Knowledge:

There was once a lover who had sighed for long years in separation from his beloved, and wasted in the fire of remoteness. From the rule of love, his heart was empty of patience, and his body weary of his spirit; he reckoned life without her as a mockery, and time consumed him away. How many a day he found no rest in longing for her; how many a night the pain of her kept him from sleep; his body was worn to a sigh, his heart’s wound had turned him to a cry of sorrow. He had given a thousand lives for one taste of the cup of her presence, but it availed him not. The doctors knew no cure for him, and companions avoided his company; yea, physicians have no medicine for one sick of love, unless the favor of the beloved one deliver him.

At last, the tree of his longing yielded the fruit of despair, and the fire of his hope fell to ashes. Then one night he could live no more, and he went out of his house and made for the marketplace. On a sudden, a watchman followed after him. He broke into a run, with the watchman following; then other watchmen came together, and barred every passage to the weary one. And the wretched one cried from his heart, and ran here and there, and moaned to himself: “Surely this watchman is Izra’il, my angel of death, following so fast upon me; or he is a tyrant of men, seeking to harm me.” His feet carried him on, the one bleeding with the arrow of love, and his heart lamented. Then he came to a garden wall, and with untold pain he scaled it, for it proved very high; and forgetting his life, he threw himself down to the garden.

And there he beheld his beloved with a lamp in her hand, searching for a ring she had lost. When the heart-surrendered lover looked on his ravishing love, he drew a great breath and raised up his hands in prayer, crying: “O God! Give Thou glory to the watchman, and riches and long life. For the watchman was Gabriel, guiding this poor one; or he was Israfil, bringing life to this wretched one!”

Indeed, his words were true, for he had found many a secret justice in this seeming tyranny of the watchman, and seen how many a mercy lay hid behind the veil. Out of wrath, the guard had led him who was athirst in love’s desert to the sea of his loved one, and lit up the dark night of absence with the light of reunion. He had driven one who was afar, into the garden of nearness, had guided an ailing soul to the heart’s physician.

Now if the lover could have looked ahead, he would have blessed the watchman at the start, and prayed on his behalf, and he would have seen that tyranny as justice; but since the end was veiled to him, he moaned and made his plaint in the beginning. Yet those who journey in the garden land of knowledge, because they see the end in the beginning, see peace in war and friendliness in anger.

The Seven Valleys, Bahá‘u’lláh

babygalll's avatar

I feel like I am going to be alone for the rest of my life. It’s depressing if you really think about when the rest of your family/friends have someone.

1000oceans's avatar

yeah, i feel the same way. I’m trying no to, i mean i have a ton of friends…and people say “you always have your family and friends” but, when they all have someone it’s different…

i guess this is what happens when you have a disney outlook on life…

where is the love that is so disney?

nebule's avatar

Now Disney Love…I’ve not heard of that before… but I like the idea! :-)

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