General Question

nebule's avatar

Should I go on a date with someone that I've never met and lives overseas?

Asked by nebule (16446points) July 25th, 2009

:-) I mean we live literally far too far apart…And he’d have to fly over here to the UK, because I’m not exactly rolling in cash… and of course then there is the problem of what to do if we do hit it off…long distance relationships…tricky… but then…I’m not really into commitment right now anyway, so it could be good..

But, then, we do both love music and both love our children immensely! Is that all you need? A little something in common. He’s a lovely chap from what I know of him… but likewise he could be a complete psychopath couldn’t he… you just never know!

Do you think this would be a totally bonkers thing to do? – To arrange a date with someone that lives a long way away!

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31 Answers

Dog's avatar

Life is short- if you both wish to meet and even take it to date status go for it.

By the way- the world gets smaller every day and long distance, while an obstacle, is not nearly as lethal on relationships as it was before internet and cell phones.

casheroo's avatar

I think you should go for it. You never know what will happen.

jbfletcherfan's avatar

Hell, yeah. He’s a sweetie.

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

I’m going to 2nd everything Dog just wrote.

jrpowell's avatar

I did the same with Nikipedia. She drove here and that was about eight hours. That is the same as a flight from the US to the UK. We just had dinner and said goodbye. We discussed that it was just dinner. No expectations. If he can afford it you should go for it.

BBSDTfamily's avatar

I don’t think complete psychopaths spend their time on Fluther of course, some have made me question that. I say go for it!

cookieman's avatar

Do it. He’s a plum guy and you’re clearly a peach.

and report back with all the juicy details here ;^)

BBSDTfamily's avatar

Where is Jack79 and why isn’t he weighing in on this?

nebule's avatar

I’ve never been called a peach before… gosh…thanks
I notice that Jack is keeping quiet lol…I know you are there Jack! You can’t hide!!! ;-)

marinelife's avatar

Interesting, we already had a Fluther baby, then a Fluther wedding, but now there will be a Fluther date (Ryan and Niki should have made theirs public). I think we have a curious case of Benjamin Button kind of backwards thing happening here.

As long as you both keep expectations low so no one gets hurt. You are both smart enough and experienced enough to know that things like this are, at best, long shots.

And, while you both seem like lovely people, make that first meet in a public place.

SuperMouse's avatar

Has Jack79 asked you out or is this the first overture? He seems to be a very compassionate caring man, so who knows you could make a love connection!

Please though before meeting anyone you know online, get to know who they really are and not just their internet persona. Same goes for you Jack, you do seem plum wonderful, and @lynneblundell does seem to be a peach, but get to know each other before either one of you hops the pond!

Judi's avatar

How fun would that be?!!!!!! Then again, you may have just blown it, posting it here, and making it public and all.

nebule's avatar

I think you are all lovely and very wise…

and yes..I might have blown it… but he was teasing me earlier so I thought I’d return the favour…my intentions are only ever to be friendly and fun…(but I do get it wrong sometimes) but…Jack as we know has had a difficult time recently and I thought this might bring a smile to his face…

He has said he would go on a date with me…maybe we will…one day once he has forgiven me :-)

jrpowell's avatar

I have met three people here (that I met here). And talked on the phone to a bunch more. Never had a problem.

jbfletcherfan's avatar

I’ve never met anyone in person, but I’ve talked to several from AV, some of who are on here, too. And I’ve also never had a problem. I wouldn’t hesitate to meet anyone.

andrew's avatar

Riser is living in my apartment and both he and richardhenry were there when I went to paris.

No read this so I can yank the q. ;)

Jack79's avatar

Aaargh! Just saw this! (blushes)

ok, I’ll try to ignore the name which for some reason looks very much like my own nickname, and answer this: In my experience, people on the internet are just as real as people off it, and you have probably more chances of meeting someone you like online than, say, in a badly-lit bar under the influence of alcohol and with the music so loud you can’t communicate. So go for it.

Now the distance thing would be an issue, but if what you’re asking is whether you should meet the guy, go for it. Though from what I hear he’s a psycho with a large collection of chainsaws and other sharp objects.

and btw this is a purely hypothetical question as the distance really is an issue here, but I am flattered by the thought that lynne would even consider going on a date with me

@johnpowell She lives in the UK, I am currently in Greece. There are cheap direct flights in the summer, but in winter the connections are practically impossible (it would cost 5x more and take >2 days of travel). And I didn’t answer earlier because I just got online and saw it.

aprilsimnel's avatar

Aw! If we all chip in (and neither of you are wary of their aircraft), how much could an RyanAir ticket possibly be? ;)

nebule's avatar

ah…well, in the meantime..we’ll just keep having an online love affair Jack x

Jack79's avatar

@aprilsimnel A direct return flight between Manchester and Kos is less than $500, probably as little as $350. I am not exactly rich right now, but I could easily afford it. I don’t think RyanAir flies this route, it’s all charters.

aprilsimnel's avatar

This is a return ticket? Damn, that is cheap!

Well, what’re you guys waiting for? :D Wink, wink; nudge; nudge.

nebule's avatar

gosh I think that’s quite expensive…! just did a quick search myself
I don’t think I would feel very good if someone spent all that money on coming to see me…if they were then disappointed with the result…

@aprilsimnel you old romantic you! :-)

Jack79's avatar

I don’t think it would be a problem if the guy (whoever, not just me) was disappointed with the result. The problem is if they weren’t, and had to buy many more of these tickets.

Maybe everyone on fluther should chip in, buy the airline company and then we’d all have cheap flights to go around meeting each other anywhere in the world :)

nebule's avatar

Oh what a jolly good idea! What do you think Flutherites??

incidentally i had to change the question as that naughty Andrew pulled me up on it… I’m not supposed to refer to specific people!;-)

Jack79's avatar

Yes, I think the question makes more sense now, and finally my cheeks are restored to their natural colour :)

MacMan007's avatar

It doesn’t sound like you know much about this guy at all and being a non-committal type drastically makes things worse. Whoever is doing the “mondo cash necessary” traveling is going to want to feel like even if you don’t hit it off you can be friends or something or like they have some other reason to make the trip. That’s a lot of time and money wasted if you meet and either of you is like “I really don’t think I’m ready to even remotely think about commitment.”

MacMan007's avatar

I don’t mean to sound like a meany, but we can all find non-commited..just slightly beyond friendship level relationship outside our front doors, at the local pub or even at a supermarket/grocery store. We don’t need drop a couple of thousand bucks/pounds to meet a new “friend.”

nebule's avatar

@MacMan007 yep you do sound a bit like a meany :-)

hearkat's avatar

Now that the question has been edited, my one-word answer seems irresponsible!

I have dated men that I first met and interacted with online, but none of whom lived further than 75 miles away. Still, there is always that nervousness about what we do not know about them, and what they will think of us in person. I have also met online friends in person, and always look for opportunities to do so.

Even when you first meet someone at a bar or coffee shop, there is the unknown about them. I actually feel more comfortable with those I’ve gotten to know online first, because there is some sense of their personality.

I think that the gentleman in question is ‘good people’ and I would like to meet him someday, too!

Garebo's avatar

Heck, I’d go for it, you only live once? The thought of him possibly being a sociopath, or psychopath, definitely would cross my mind, but then, it’s always easy to be a skeptic.

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