Can Anyone do a VULGAR English to Spanish Translation?

If anyone speaks spanish (that is, naturally… not someone who’s going to copy and paste this into babel fish or something), I could use your hand: In my script one character’s muttering to herself some trash talking about her brother… y’know, that hot-headed latina type stuff some of us have had the misfortune of experiencing.

It doesn’t have to be a word-for-word translation, but something that sounds like this would be great:

“God d——-, what the f—- are you waiting for, man?”

Other variants that would also work:

“Come on, G—D——-! What’s the f——ing hold up?”

“What the f—- is going on, man? Hurry your dumba—up!”

“Jesus Christ, what the f—- are you thinking, man? Hurry up, hurry up!”

I tried doing the internet translations, but none of them sound correct/natural enough. Please help! I’m stuck on a line for this script… thank you :)

PS: It’d probably be best to Private Message those to me… heh