How do I help myself?

I’m a passive aggressive 20 year old alcoholic. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Passive_aggressive if you need to brush up on it). I live to destroy myself and others, and I have a cruel tendency to try and hold on to parts of the past that i can never reclaim. I hate the way I look and how lazy I’ve become, but i have to motivation to change. I’m not going into therapy, I’m not taking pills, and I’m not going to go to some self help seminar; so you can just go ahead an throw those ideas away. I just dont wanna be angry anymore, and be able to be at peace with myself. Any suggestions?