General Question

Facade's avatar

Would you tell/ have you told your daughter about masturbation?

Asked by Facade (22902points) August 7th, 2009

Were you told about it?
Would you expect for her to find out about it on her own?
Is their a certain age?
How would you handle a toddler masturbating?

Remember we’re discussing daughters here, not sons.

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

51 Answers

teh_kvlt_liberal's avatar

I’d tell her to keep it to herself,

Zendo's avatar

Don’t they learn about this on their own, late at night in their bed? Without any outside intervention?

Sarcasm's avatar

I wouldn’t. even though you say we’re not discussing sons, I wouldn’t teach my son either.

Nobody in my family taught me about choking the chicken. I had always played around down there with my idle hands, not for sexual gratification but just because I had nothing better to do with my hands sometimes, and also because I thought it was kinda cool how it would grow as I paid more attention to it. I started learning about ejaculation when I was probably 10, and didn’t start yanking the chain for it until I was 12.

I’d expect her to find out just through experimentation, as well as stories from friends.

ragingloli's avatar

my parents certainly didn’t.
and when we started covering it in biology classes, i was already doing it.
my earliest memory of me doing it starts at 6 or 7

jeanna's avatar

I would definitely talk to my kids about masturbation. My mother didn’t with me and I ended up getting caught in class (I was 8) masturbating; I had found my dad’s stash of porn and magazines. I began masturbating to pictures of women. I want my kids to know it’s ok to do.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

I wasn’t told about it, was shamed when caught doing it, taken to the doctor and continued to be shamed years after – WRONG action-plan, mom…yes of course I would tell any of my children about masturbation as soon as I start to notice that they’re doing things in secret or not that pleasures them ( I know I started at a young age, around 5 or 6, to experience sensation)...

BBSDTfamily's avatar

Nope, I wouldn’t discuss it because I think it’s one of those things that they learn on their own. I hope my future daughter never asks me about it, either.

PerryDolia's avatar

I would wait until there are clear signs that she is masturbating or you observer her or she asks.

THEN, I would explain that it is normal, and feels good, but it is something she needs to understand better. It is a sign she is growing up, and that is good. But, since it is pleasurable you want to do it a lot, and that is not so good. Pleasure is for a time in your life when you are older and someone ELSE wants to make you feel good.

It is a part of your private body and you shouldn’t twiddle with it all the time.

Emilyy's avatar

I agree with @jeanna. I would want my daughter to know that it’s okay early on. I think not talking about it is what makes it seem illicit and wrong. And that creates a guilty, shameful feeling about something that shouldn’t be thought of as such. I certainly never would have talked to my parents about it or asked about it, and they were great parents. They were the adults and I was the confused teen—in heinsight I wish they had brought it up.

It might be something that young boys talk about with each other, but I NEVER discussed this with a girlfriend until I was maybe in college. It wasn’t until my older sister told me, “You should masturbate so you know what you like” that I realized I HAD been masturbating for several years. I was sixteen at the time and only then did I realize that that naughty thing I was guilt-stricken about was actually totally normal and okay.

jeanna's avatar

@PerryDolia I don’t think it’s bad to masturbate often. In fact, I’d say it’s pretty healthy and helps you learn about your body and what turns you on. So long as it doesn’t become addicting, there is no harm in doing it as often as you’d like.

CMaz's avatar

“I would wait until there are clear signs that she is masturbating or you observer her or she asks.”

That would be about it.

PerryDolia – I would have given you a GA but the rest is too much.

Supacase's avatar

I plan to simply tell my toddler that It is something to be done in private. I will discuss it more at an older age, but I haven’t thought a lot about it yet.

CMaz's avatar

Do you think you would have come to a better understanding of masturbation if your mother talked to you about it?
Or your discovery and understanding on your own work out ok?

cyn's avatar

I’ll let her discover it on her own, but I would prefer not walking into her room and catching her playing with herself.

tiffyandthewall's avatar

i never thought there was a need to tell a kid about it unless they asked.

le_inferno's avatar

No. I’m sure she’d figure it out.

DrasticDreamer's avatar

I was never told anything about it, but I figured it out on my own. I also didn’t ask my mom about it, because I automatically figured it was something private. I would definitely talk to my daughter about it, if she came to me with questions or if she started playing with herself in public.

Jeruba's avatar

It is not automatic. Don’t you believe that “all little girls do it.” Absolute truth here: I found out about it from a book—a mildly naughty book sneaked from my college roommate’s bookshelf—when I was 18. I was damned surprised at the results, too. (Different times, innocent youth, narrow religious upbringing, “don’t touch—it isn’t nice,” silence and shame, naive parents who wed as virgins.)

I have no idea what I would have told a daughter, but I would have consulted some resources well in advance of need.

Supacase's avatar

@tiffyandthewall There is a need for at least some basic discussion if your toddler is discovering herself. My niece would sit in the middle of the entire family at Christmas and other gatherings and just go at it when she was 3–5. Her parents wanted her to know there was no shame in it so they ignored it, but it was extremely uncomfortable for the other people in the room.

Jack79's avatar

My daughter is 4. I haven’t told her and don’t really plan to, unless she specifically asks at some point (and it won’t matter whether she asks at 6 or 16). But I wouldn’t feel very comfortable bringing it up. I’ve told her about sex, or at least the basic process of how babies are born, but didn’t go into too much technical detail.

lunabean's avatar

I wasn’t told about it and I wouldn’t tell my child unless they asked. My earliest memory of having a funny feeling “down there” was when I was 5, but i think masturbation started around 11 or 12. Toddler masturbation…well I guess tell him/her that it is not ok to do it in front of people…it’s not something anyone else wants to see.

rooeytoo's avatar

Is there a different answer for boys?

YARNLADY's avatar

@rooeytoo That’s what I was wondering? I only raised boys, so I don’t know about girls. Whenever I would see them doing it in public, I told them it embarrasses other people, so they need to only do it in private. That’s all I remember.

ShanEnri's avatar

I was not told about it. However I did speak to her about it a couple weeks ago. She’s 18 and I had to have the talk with my son for reasons I don’t (he doesn’t) wish to relate! He’s 14.

Facade's avatar

@rooeytoo Some people feel it’s ok for boys to do but not girls.

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

I was never told anything about it, just assumed all kids did it. I would tell my own daughter as a small child that it’s something to do at home and not in front of company, that’s about it unless she had specific questions when older.

ratboy's avatar

No TV until masturbation is properly finished. By the way, I hope everyone realizes how dangerous it is to text while masturbating.

PupnTaco's avatar

It’s the kind of thing kids should be able to finger out on their own.

casheroo's avatar

I was never told anything about it, and discovered it at like…9. I was never ashamed, but knew it was meant for closed doors. I think that sort of thing is almost common sense.
If I walked in on my child (I don’t want to say “caught” since they aren’t doing anything bad) I’d say sorry and not mention it. I’m sure they’d be embarassed, no need to make them feel ashamed as well.

The_Compassionate_Heretic's avatar

Were I a father, I’d bring that up only briefly during “the birds and the bees” talk. I think mom is better to discuss that with.

augustlan's avatar

I did. When they were younger and it came to my attention that they were exploring, I’d just explain that it was a private activity. As they’ve gotten older, we’ve discussed it several more times in the course of wider ranging sex-ed conversations.

teh_kvlt_liberal's avatar

why does it say eponymoushipster is crafting a response…??

jeanna's avatar

I’ve been wondering the same. He’s been “crafting a response” for like 5 hours!

cyn's avatar

I’ve been thinking about the same thing…eponymoushipster…I mean, WTF. He probably didn’t logout and left his response in “crafting”

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

Seems a lot of some are uncomfortable talking about this with our children – i also don’t think it’s something that kids would figure out on their own…in that theyd figure out certain things feel good but not what it means

evelyns_pet_zebra's avatar

I remember my Birds and the Bees talk when I was a kid. It was a classic case of self-righteous Christian avoidance of the subject.

I am all for letting children know what their bodies are capable of, and to answer any questions they have. Not telling your kids about it and just letting them figure it out on their own is bad parenting, in my opinion.

You wouldn’t let them figure out driving on their own, would you?

eponymoushipster's avatar

yes, i was mid thought, got my attention diverted, then went out. oops, sorry

if your kid needs masturbation explained to them, they probably also need your help getting the helmet on before the short bus picks them up for school. i mean, really.

monkeys figure it out, junior should be able to get a handle on things (pun intended).

not this monkey

cyn's avatar

@eponymoushipster your comment made no sense what-so-ever. But lurve for taking so long for a small response. lmfao4rl

evelyns_pet_zebra's avatar

@eponymoushipster you know, maybe the act is simple enough for a monkey to figure out, but humans are a bit more complicated than your typical feces-flinging primate. Humans have emotional responses to actions, and if you don’t teach kids that there is nothing shameful about self-touch, they are likely to grow up with all sorts of screwy ideas in their head. I mean, look at all the Americans in this country that assume nudity and sex are synonymous.

You mention family nude beaches, and suddenly everyone is concerned that maybe the children are being sexually exploited by adults.

Your answer was just a bit facetious, considering this is a serious subject.

Deepness's avatar

@jeanna 8 years old doing it in class????? Wow! You have to admit that a memory such as that is priceless. Thanks for sharing that. I’m sure it makes you more of an interesting conversationalist when you’re talking sex with someone or in a group or party. At 8, I didn’t know about masturbation but I did know girls and boy have different parts. When I was in the second grade, the girl that sits next to me asked me to play “show me yours and I’ll show you mine”. I showed her mine. She never showed me hers. She lied. First lesson in my life with the opposite sex. Do not trust them. They lie.

@eponymoushipster I agree.

@cyndihugs He made perfect sense.

I started when I was 12. No one told me about it. I think it’s good to discover certain things on our own. I don’t need to be walked through every aspect of life. I’m glad to have figured this out on my own. It gave me a sense of accomplishment. Every creamy filled explosion bursting forth like fireworks. Every moan and grunt and scream. I have honed these hands to perfectly synchronize with my…I feel like a pro at this now.

I would not walk my kids through masturbation discovery. Trust me. It’s so worth figuring out on your own.

Deepness's avatar

@Facade Girls mature faster than boys. Chances are she’ll know about masturbation and sex way before most boys stop finding girls “yucky”. @jeanna is a perfect example. The girl in my second grade is another perfect example.

cyn's avatar

@Deepness Know he makes sense. I was half-asleep yesterday when I read his response. Watching too much “eponymoushipster is crafting a response” makes me sleepy.

Facade's avatar

@Deepness I know that. I was just explaining why I wanted to discuss girls in particular.

Deepness's avatar

@Facade “How would you handle a toddler masturbating?”

I wouldn’t handle toddlers while they masturbate. That’s gross. I didn’t even know toddlers masturbate.

“Remember we’re discussing daughters here, not sons.”

Self gratification is self gratification. There’s only two things that can be done at the basic level. Pump your fist if you’re a boy. Start with one finger if you’re a girl.

eponymoushipster's avatar

@cyndihugs my crafting makes all the girls woozy. lol

jeanna's avatar

@eponymoushipster See! You’re the CAR god. ;)

phil196662's avatar

When our Daughter was Eight the Wife heard noises from her bedroom and peeked through the door and she was Rubbing and wiggling. Later she came down for a snack and the Wife was reading and asked if everything was OK and she said Yes- Why? The Wife said I heard strange noises and was wondering if it was a weird tv show or something else, She paused and said I was “playing with myself”. the Wife asked if you feel better and they got into a conversation that lasted Four Hours!

Remember- Open Communication with your Teens!!!

Answer this question

Login

or

Join

to answer.

This question is in the General Section. Responses must be helpful and on-topic.

Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
or
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther