General Question

running's avatar

Should I be worried about my girlfriend's vast sexual experience?

Asked by running (16points) August 9th, 2009

My girlfriend has a greatly larger sexual history than I. She’s slept with approx. 50 more people (I’ve slept with 7) and has tried much more sexually. Lastly, should I be worried about vaginal (or anal) stretching? The last time she had sex was anal sex with a black man.

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40 Answers

DeanV's avatar

She should get tested. Start with that.

InspecterJones's avatar

Umm…I’m just gonna answer the first part.

You should be ecstatic that your girlfriend has vast sexual experience, its more fun that way.

loser's avatar

Why are you worried, then? Is it a competition thing?

Facade's avatar

I’m lmao at the “black man” comment

InspecterJones's avatar

@running Lets say you were building a giant robot to wage war, would you rather put in an AI that has basic training or an AI that has vast combat experience.

Its like that, but with sex.

DeanV's avatar

Love’s not a competition, but she’s winning

Aside from that, though, I don’t see why you should be worried. It just sounds like an insecurity thing, or a self esteem issue.

running's avatar

@loser It’s an insecurity thing more than not. I feel like I can’t compete with what she’s experienced, therefore I can’t please her as much as I would like.

@Facade I didn’t mean to sound racist… Sorry if I offended.

Facade's avatar

I’m not offended. It was just funny to me.

Response moderated
loser's avatar

No one in her past can compete with the uniqueness you have to offer. Just go with it!

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

ummm, wow…okay
her past is her past, not your problem
a high number of sexual partners does not have to mean she has disease or a loose vagina/butt and a black man’s penis does not have to be big – how many myths do we have to deconstruct here all at once? it’s overwhelming

peyton_farquhar's avatar

Do not take @jjosephs advice. It is never well-advised to crap on anybody. As @Simone_De_Beauvoir wisely said, her past is not your problem, and the fact that she’s promiscuous is not a ticket to abuse her sexually.

running's avatar

@loser My “uniqueness” is a small penis and relatively no sexual experience.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir See my above answer for reinforcing stereotypes. Her past is something that I have to deal with, I understand that, but I don’t quite know how to deal with it.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@running why do I get the feeling that you’re making it all up?
anyway you can’t do anything about the past. you can voice your concerns to her, but if it were me in her position, I’d say ‘look, so I had more sexual partners than you, but right now I am with you, which means that I want to be with you’

jjosephs's avatar

@peyton_farquhar I meant only if they’re both up for it. @running said she’s tried more sexually and like an average frustrated chump, he’s probably only dreamt of doing all kinds of freaky shit with her already…

@running – don’t let this opportunity pass you by man

peyton_farquhar's avatar

@running having a small penis and little experience does not underqualify you to be a fun, unique, enjoyable partner.

loser's avatar

It’s not the size, it’s what you do with it. Focus on her pleasure and you can’t go wrong. Don’t be afraid to ask her what she likes. She’ll probably be happy that you asked.

jjosephs's avatar

@runner = /b/tard maybe?

Aethelwine's avatar

Worrying is for the weak.

Be confident and listen to what your partner wants. Communication is very important.

edit: listen to @loser

jjosephs's avatar

@runner follow @loser‘s advice. If your penis is that small you’re better off pushing it up her butt

peyton_farquhar's avatar

@loser “It’s not the size, it’s what you do with it.”

Nail. On. The. Head!

running's avatar

@jonsblond Never said I was strong… I have done so and have made her cum during sex. I just feel like I can’t live up to what she’s familiar with sexually.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@running maybe you can explore your sexuality together
having more partners doesn’t mean she’s done it all sexually
you can of course surprise her

running's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoir I know there are things that she hasn’t explored much, but I feel like it would cheapen the experience on account of her already doing most everything.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@running prior sex does not cheapen sex with a partner you are now with

running's avatar

Is that from a collected prospective or your own experience?

Aethelwine's avatar

@running Communication is what keeps partners together. If you are worried you need to discuss this with her. If she loves you she will set your mind at ease. If she doesn’t, well…

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@running it’s from a hopeful point and from my experience

running's avatar

@jonsblond We do love eachother We’ve discussed with much arguing. Her consensus is that I shouldn’t worry. I wish I could do that. I feel insecure because I can’t measure up to her past and want her to feel like I’m the end all-be all of orgasms.

augustlan's avatar

As the female partner who has almost always had more experience than my SOs, let me assure you: It does not matter.

A) Lots of sex =/= lots of good sex
B) Lots of good sex in the past =/= no good sex in the future
C) Dude. She loves you.
D) If you can’t get over this, there is a very real possibility that she will get over you.

whatthefluther's avatar

Embrace her experience and enjoy the excitement….you will soon feel fortunate.

laureth's avatar

Unless she’s had a kid, she’s probably not all that “stretched out.” It’s not like women are underwear that get all played out after years of use. We actually have muscles down there – and wise women know to keep those toned. :) It’s only once kids come along that it gets a little looser, but even moms have good sex. And unless any of her ex-boyfriends had a penis as big as a newborn baby, you needn’t worry.

As far as the experience otherwise, though, like someone up there said, having experience can make her more fun to be with. I mean, would you rather have someone who knows how to handle your stick shift, or would you rather have to go through Driver’s Ed?

Let’s put it this way: what if your girl were a virgin? You would have MILES more sex experience than she does, seeing as you’ve been with seven whole women. Having been with those seven women, would you say they cheapen your love for her? Does she matter less to you because you’ve slept around already? No? Then she probably feels the same about you. :) (And if it does cheapen the experience with her because you’ve had more women than you can count on one hand, perhaps you ought to let her alone.)

Noel_S_Leitmotiv's avatar

Worried? you should see it as an opportunity to learn from her experience.

Also, if i were you id think about all the different ways her vast experience makes you feel. There might be feelings that are suprisingly positive. If there are you might want to carefully explore them.

So shes ahead of you in the sex game, let go and let her lead. Youre no less of a man if she takes control.

Above all, be honest with yourself and her as to how it all makes you feel.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@laureth you know I’ve had 2 ( an 8 lb 6oz one and a 9lb one) kids and I didn’t get ‘stretched out’ at all..so that’s not necessarily true, either

nikipedia's avatar

Dude, if she wanted to be fucking the 50 guys who came before you, she’d be fucking the 50 guys who came before you.

You have had sex with other women. Are you constantly comparing her to them? Are you less satisfied with her because of them? Presumably, the answer to both of those is no. So why should her answer be any different?

wundayatta's avatar

If your relationship breaks up because you are not sexually compatible (and only because of that), then I’m not sure it was a good relationship for you to be in anyway. Presumably she is with you because she likes you, not just because you are a great lover. If it’s all about sex, then enjoy it as long as it lasts. I hope it’s about more than sex.

Sexual skill is something you can learn. It can be fun to learn. You don’t have to worry about what someone has tried or not. You don’t have to try anything outside of what makes you both feel good. Unless you are videotaping it and putting it on the internet. But that’s a whole ‘nother story.

If you are feeling sexual insecurity, it might be that you are feeling insecurity for another reason, but just using sexual experience as a stand in. If your relationship is going to last, you gotta take the bull by the horns and talk about these things. You need to find out how important sex is to her, and what she expects from you. You also need to find out what she thinks about you in terms of the overall relationship.

Sex is about expressing feelings, in my opinion. Some people treat it like a sport, but I don’t buy that. That’s what you should worry about: are you communicating well, whether by words, feelings, or love-making. Make love, not sex. If you are communicating well, it will go a long ways towards dealing with your insecurities about the relationship.

sydaustralia's avatar

i agree with @dverhey, get her tested before anything happens.

laureth's avatar

Also get yourself tested before you give her anything you caught from those seven women. It only takes one, ya know?

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