General Question

syz's avatar

If your sexual preferences are outside of what is considered "the norm", are you embarrassed to admit it?

Asked by syz (35649points) January 14th, 2008

Not just sexual orientation – exhibitionism, S&M, fetishism, etc. Would you be open with friends and family, or is it something that you hide or are ashamed of? It’s not prurient curiosity – I’m not asking for details of everyone’s sex life. It’s a question that I struggle with.

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8 Answers

kevbo's avatar

My gf has some low rent friends who talk about nothing but their sexual preferences and permutations, plus her sister is a total swinger, so I do have some safe pockets for conversation. Never with the family, though. We were all raised Catholic, so sex, for the most part, doesn’t exist.

I’ve found that the small, mountain town where she lived for 15 years is a pretty perverted place in terms of its populace (no alliteration intended), and most people know each other’s business (or think they know), so there’s a lot of information circulating. Also, healthcare workers can be pretty open (and naughty), I’ve found.

If you feel timid talking about it, I think you’d find that at least a few people around you would be able to relate. The trick is feeling out a situation and guesstimating who is safe to talk to. You could also steer a conversation that direction and then see if your companion makes the first move.

We all have our dirty secrets. Some are just more honest about them than others. Check out postsecret.com on a weekly basis, for example.

P.S. If it has anything to do with animals, I don’t want to know. ;-)

vanguardian's avatar

@kevbo – great site, thanks for posting

I am not ashamed of any fetishes I have, I just don’t think that they would be understood. So like most (I would assume) they will be buried with me.

juaniquillo's avatar

yeap.. good response..

I don’t think that’s a big deal nowadays, but I guess that depends on where you live and if the people you interact with are open minded or not…. As for me, I have so many friends telling me their sexual experiences I wish they felt at least a bit ashamed… :|

weaselope's avatar

you mean to tell me it was really with amonkey?

cwilbur's avatar

I’m not embarrassed, but for most people I only bother to disclose it on a need-to-know basis.

For instance, anyone who’s likely to meet my partner needs to have some foreknowledge that he’s male. But the details of what we do in the bedroom together (or other rooms), well, unless they’re participating, most people don’t need to know.

This is not because of embarrassment; this is because of discretion, tact, and a respect for boundaries.

hossman's avatar

I just have never felt it is anybody’s business unless they are participating.

I heard an ACLU attorney on the radio today talking about Sen. Craig’s bathroom exploits, and unless I misunderstood him, his position was that the occupants of a bathroom stall have an entitlement to privacy while engaged in sexual acts in that stall.

Myself, I prefer to have separate rooms for sex and potty. Call me a prude, but I agree with cwilbur that there is a need for discretion, tact and boundaries, regardless of the genders or party affiliation of the persons involved, and I prefer to be able to take care of my “business” without being exposed to the possible sights and sounds of anyone else getting busy. I think “don’t ask, don’t tell” should be applied in the workplace, and many other places, to heterosexuals as well.

maggiesmom1's avatar

I agree. It’s not a matter of being embarrassed, per se, but simply that it ain’t nobody’s business. I’m a firm believer in keeping your sexual habits behind your own closed doors – there’s no reason why anybody needs to know what I or anybody else likes.

hossman's avatar

And besides, if I could hear what they’re doing in their stall, then I would feel compelled to not ruin their rondezvous by trying to not make any noise or stink in my stall, and then I’m not getting done what I need to get done. . .

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