General Question

andreak's avatar

Is it a problem that the new guy I'm dating doesn't drink?

Asked by andreak (8points) January 14th, 2008

And does that make me an alcoholic that I care?

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

18 Answers

omfgTALIjustIMDu's avatar

No, it’s not a problem at all. It’s a very good thing, in fact. It’s only a problem if you can’t socialize without alcohol or find the need to be around alcohol when he isn’t comfortable doing that.

kevbo's avatar

I think the why would be more important that the what. If he doesn’t drink for a reason that bothers you, then I’d say it’s a concern (say, if he is judgmental about drinkers or is doing it for dogmatic reasons). Also, he may be more prone to alzheimer’s or dementia later in life.

vanguardian's avatar

if you like to drink, it surely can be a problem.

Zaku's avatar

It’s not a problem for me if anyone’s date doesn’t drink. It’s up to you if it’s a problem for you.

gailcalled's avatar

Some people (me, for example) don’t drink because alcohol makes them ill long before its pleasant effects appear. I can have a few sips of wine but then must stop…more’s the pity. I’d like a glass of wine from time to time; hard alcohol or beer don’t tempt me at all. I found – way back when – that dating heavy drinkers was neither pleasant nor fun.

Poser's avatar

There seems to be a lot of stigma associated with drinking (even responsible drinking) in the US. Once, the church I was attending was hosting a weekly men’s bible study and social group. One week we met at a local sports bar. When I ordered a beer, I remember a very uncomfortable silence falling over the rest of the group. I didn’t (and still don’t) understand why.

Often, we are unable (or unwilling) to see our own faults. Perhaps you have a drinking problem and his non-drinking makes you more aware of it. It’s likely, however, that you don’t, and the discomfort you feel is merely due to the stigma that drinkers are sometimes subjected to in the presence of non-drinkers. I wouldn’t let it worry you unless you have other indications that your drinking might be a problem, or if he starts being judgmental about it.

kevbo's avatar

@poser, w t f ?

a) what bible group meets in a sports bar, and b) what kind of man looks down on another man who orders a beer in a sports bar? What planet were these people from?

Poser's avatar

Precisely why it’s a church I used to attend.

Spargett's avatar

I don’t drink. I think its only a problem for people who are already insecure about their drinking.

Like a fat person eating a meal while the thin person chooses to pass for now.

Poser's avatar

I’m skinny, but I still eat.

Spargett's avatar


Its not a litteral scenario, its analogus to illustrate a point.

Panz's avatar

It shouldn’t be a problem, he will have more money because he will not spend it on alcohol, you always have a designated driver (that’s based on assumption he can drive!), and he is not likely to become dependant on any other substances which leaves his mind free to concentrate on more important thins in life like (hopefully) you!

Poser's avatar

@Spargett—I think you underestimate the [sometimes] unspoken criticism that non-drinkers sometimes assert on those who choose to partake. I’ve known non-drinkers who I feel comfortable drinking around. But there are also those that’ve tried to make me feel bad because I do drink.

syz's avatar

My partner doesn’t drink and it’s great…on those rare occasions when I get a little tipsy, I have a built in designated driver.

cwilbur's avatar

It depends on why he doesn’t drink, whether you drink (and why you do or don’t) and to what extent, and how judgmental he is about people who don’t drink.

You should care to some extent: if you’re dating him, you’ll be socializing together, and if you like to have a beer or two with friends and he looks down on people who aren’t teetotalers, you’ll have definite friction. On the other hand, if he doesn’t mind being around people who are having a beer or two, but has Diet Coke or seltzer water instead, that’s another story entirely.

On the other hand, if your good times with your friends don’t really start warming up until after the sixth round of shots, he’s probably not going to enjoy himself much.

This is why you date people, though—to try on the relationship and see if it works for both of you. If the drinking thing is an issue, you’ll be aware of it soon enough, and you can separate gracefully.

xgunther's avatar

@ kevbo: how does not drinking and alzheimers/dementia relate?

ironhiway's avatar

It’s only a problem if one of you have a problem with the others choice. Otherwise like with SYZ above you’ll have your own designated driver.

ItsAHabit's avatar

kevbo is right. The regular moderate consumption of alcohol (beer, wine and liquor) reduces the risk of developing dementia, including Alzheimer’s disease. It also reduces the risk of ischemic stroke and cardiovascular disease. Research has repeatedly demonstrated this.

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