Should I ask for decaf in my coffee enima?
Asked by
AstroChuck (
37609
)
August 14th, 2009
from iPhone
No really, I’m asking this seriously. I know. Look who’s asking the question. But I’m completely sincere. Feel free to have fun with your answer but im curious as to the effects caffeine might have if administered directly to the anal cavity. Even though there is no hard scientific evidence many into holistic medicine swear by the detoxifying value of coffee colonics. So i’d like to know if the caffeine were to pose much of a health problem? Does it get into the bloodstream quicker than if one were to drink it? More intense perhaps?
Btw, no cream or sugar in mine please.
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46 Answers
We know the effects of caffeine on the brain, but the ass? It’s time for an experiment.
Make it a grande’.
Nope… is like getting a hamburger and saying out loud “no meat please”...
No way man. Go Rocket Fuel all the way.
you will need TP for your bungholio
OK, first the serious answer:
“Top 10 Dangers of the Coffee Enema
The dangers associated with the coffee enema, green tea enema, coffee colonic (coffee or tea high enema), and coffee or tea suppository are as follows:
1. Adding ingredients to the enema recipe (such as coffee, green tea, vinegar, baking soda, bath/epsom salt, or minerals) is not proven to do anything superior to the effects of plain saline.
2. Inserting anything into the anus may result in anal tearing.
3. Re-used (instead of single use) enema kits may carry bacteria, which could result in an infection.
4. Use of hot liquid in the rectum could result in serious internal burns.
5. Extensive use of enemas could result in dehydration.
6. Overuse of coffee enemas could result in electrolyte imbalances.
7. The caffeine in the coffee or tea enema may lead to caffeine addiction.
8. Caffeine enemas must be avoided by pregnant women and people with caffeine sensitivity.
9. Overuse of any type of device designed to temporarily excite the nerves of the colon (such as an enema, colonic, or suppository) could result in decreased function of the bowels.
10. The colonic does not magically remove cancer-causing toxins. It will create watery stool and stimulate the release of fecal matter from the last few inches of the lower bowel. Do not forgo licensed medical attention in favor of this dangerous alternative.”
Now, as to you AstroChuck, decaf would definitely be in order since I can not imagine your humor any more hopped up than it is now.
@Marina
#2 “Anal tearing??!!!”
Get out of my head! Don’t picture it! Don’t picture it!
@PerryDolia Well, I suppose it’s better than a gerbil or hamster . . .
@Marina
People who do that stuff are WAY more interested in that part of the body that I will ever be. As Bill Cosby said: there should be a sign, Exit Only.
@Marina- I’m not pregnant (well, at least I don’t think so) and I’m not worried about addiction. But if pregos shouldn’t have caffeinated colonics I would guess the absorbtion of caffeine through the buttisimo must be more intense.
@Marina … patiently awaiting Lemmiwinks joke…
@PerryDolia ; I hate to tell you, but you’re not interested until it doesn’t work right, then you get obsessive. There’s a reason old people sometimes get cranky!!
Just don’t ask for the Tripe Venti…
I just can’t see it being a good idea. Whoever thought to stick coffee up their ass (or even alcohol for that matter) must have been pretty bored.
I’d stick to saline.
i have a rule about not putting anything in my ass. i think it’s a good rule.
AC: are you an “enema enthusiast?”
No. Would you like me to be?
@AstroChuck Are you actually gonna ask somebody for coffee (be it caf or decaf) to be used for an enema?
No. I don’t feel the need for an enema at the moment.
I think you should ask your medical professional any questions you have regarding this procedure.
@AstroChuck….Hey buddy…I got quite an assortment of K-cups, mostly extra bold, dark roasted. How does a little variety pack sound to you? If you’d like, I think I’ve got a couple of low octane samples I can send your way. And no, you don’t have to return any you don’t use. Just say the word….they are as good as in my postman’s hands (and he’ll never believe where another postman plans on sticking them). See ya….Gary aka wtf
PS: Emeril’s “Big, Easy, Bold” Bam ought to do the trick!
This is just curiosity talking. I’m not having it done. Although I did drink some coffee this morning. The usual way, of course.
@AstroChuck After this thread, I may never drink coffee again!
Oh shit. I just realized in my question I spelled enema with an i.
This is the first time I’ve ever heard of shooting coffee up your ass. Am I sheltered?
@richardhenry no, just in the UK, you guys shoot tea up there. maybe crumpets.
@richardhenry More like normal. It was a new one to me, but then I am not into colonics. It’s because AstroChuck is in California.
Northern California. Not Lalaland.
@AstroChuck so you make the peace sign while you shove your peet’s up your bunghole?
Notthern is where all the organic hippie types are. Make sure it’s Fair Trade coffee.
will your enema be with sugar or sweet n’low?
@jca- Re-read the question and you’ll find your answer.
Let’s just say I take my coffee like I take my men.
apparently black and in the ass.
The thought of #3 is revolting.
#3 meaning a re-used enema kit? also known as a douche bag.
Number three has another meaning as well but I’m not saying here.
Buy an extra-strong expresso, like Bustelo. Use an extra thick filter. Make sure to use 8 cups of water, no more, no less.
Then stick the entire coffee machine up your ass. Works wonders.
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