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SierraGirl's avatar

What would you have done if you found an email that your boyfriend sent to another girl talking about getting together?

Asked by SierraGirl (199points) August 16th, 2009 from iPhone

I had been with my (now ex) boyfriend for a little over four months. We discussed that we were exclusive. Yesterday I asked him if I could use his computer to go on facebook. He said yes. When I went on his computer there was an email between him and a girl that he was asking if she wanted to go to dinner. I confronted him and he had absolutely nothing to say. I later emailed and told her what happened, and that he was now free if she wanted to go out with someone like that. I sent him a copy of the email. What would you have done? BTW I gathered all my stuff, gave him his keys and took my keys back. I am so mad! How can people be trusted?

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12 Answers

Jack79's avatar

You did the right thing (under the circumstances). It’s not the cheating itself, it’s the lying. Of course, perhaps your relationship didn’t mean that much to him, and it was on its way over anyway, but it’s a good thing you found out like that and cut it clean straightaway.

It doesn’t matter why he did it. What matters is that you are free now to find someone new. Hopefully someone honest and faithful (believe it or not, there are plenty).

Saturated_Brain's avatar

He had absolutely nothing to say? What does that even mean? Okay, placing myself in your shoes, yeah, I would’ve been extremely hurt if he had been really cheating on me.

And of course you’re mad. But going around questioning the trustworthiness of the rest of humanity is rather naive.

But what are you searching for on here? Sympathy? Or advice? Or even approval of your actions?

BBSDTfamily's avatar

Some people can be trusted. This guy cannot. You just do it all again everytime, and eventually you’ll find the right guy :)

PandoraBoxx's avatar

You did do the right thing breaking up with him, because it would seem that he had less of a relationship with you than you did with him.

Did he leave the e-mail up, or did you go into his e-mail account and look around? It seems that you must have suspected something was not right about the relationship, or you wouldn’t have felt the need to look at his account. The adage “eavesdroppers never hear well of themselves” extends to e-mail. If you feel the need to look at someone else’s e-mail, usually you will find something that you won’t like.

Playing the devil’s advocate, how distrustful and jealous were you in this relationship? Did you ask if you could look at his e-mail account in and out box? Not being able to be trusted seems to be a two sided issue in your relationship with this guy…

SierraGirl's avatar

@pandoraBoxx: his email was up. For the past couple weeks things weren’t quite the same but I thought getting better. I actually completely trusted him. He has a friend who is always cheating on his girlfriend and he was always putting him down. Obviously things really weren’t getting better.

PandoraBoxx's avatar

It does sound, then, like he may have wanted you to find out about what was going on, so that you could be the one to break up with him. Not defending his actions makes it sound like he didn’t know how to end the relationship, and he handed you the means to make the break. At least it didn’t drag on with him, lying and trying to make it work when really it wasn’t ever going to.

I’ve posted this link on here several times, but there is an excellent video series on the Discovery Channel about the Science of Sex Appeal that explains a lot about how we’re attracted to people and how and why we choose who we do.

kevbo's avatar

Not only is he a liar, but he’s too stupid to not get caught. The latter part is more interesting to me personally, but I echo the sentiment above.

Saturated_Brain's avatar

Girl… What do you want us to do for you that’ll really help you? You’ve had your angry bout. Good. We all need to vent. But look to the future.

How do you think we should be helping you?

shortysith's avatar

considering the circumstances, you did the right thing. Lying is one thing I do not tolerate, nor should most people I think. Yes, you are angry. Now what? This is one guy, not ALL guys. Take some time for yourself, go out with friends, have fun. You will meet a better guy who will make you remember that people CAN be trusted. In the meantime, don’t turn your back on everyone…he is one little fish in a big pond. Find a better fish.

SierraGirl's avatar

All: thanks for all the words.

FireMadeFlesh's avatar

You did the right thing, no question. Infidelity is completely unjustified.

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

After an agreement to exclusivity has been brought up, discussed and then agreed to, I don’t see what else would have been in your best interest than what you did. It hurts when people don’t walk their talk but obviously you respect yourself and want more, enough to pull back and reserve your focus and energies for someone who will want to make the effort to be on the same page with you.

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