(without getting too graphic) what is the least painful way to lose your virginity?

very very gently

lube and someone whos good to ya…if you like him/her and trust em it’ll be fine…maybe have a few drinks (not drunk)

First, relax, the pain is not insurmountable or hideous. Second, a caring, sensitive lover who takes the time to arouse you first.

Don’t drink alcohol if you can avoid it and if it’s going to be part of your encounter then try to drink as little as possible. Go really slow with making out and foreplay, put off the actual penetration until you feel you can’t and then go very slow and gently with him (assuming you’re female) sliding or rubbing against you first before in. oy, kind of graphic but I hope it helps

Practice. Do a lot of fooling around first. Learn what turns you both on. This builds trust between two people. Then, gradually start playing with actual penetration. Don’t force it. Just let it happen gradually, and use other techniques for giving each other orgasms. If you take a slow approach, not only do you learn to be better lovers, but when the time comes for full penetration, I don’t think it will be nearly as painful.

Don’t feel you have to get rid of your virginity. There are many ways to pleasure each other. Focus on those, and when the time comes, you will be wet and ready, and it’ll b much easier.

If done properly there should be no or very little pain .

I wonder why sex is such a big deal in our culture…sure seemed liek a big deal when i was younger…I reckon thats why people get so het up about it when your a teenager it seems like this huge and frightening life changing moment when really it isnt

You also won’t be doing yourself any good by worrying abou tit , relax forgetaboutit just let it happen

@noodle_poodle Because some people view sex as something more than writhing about for physical pleasure.

Take loads of time. Loads.
Play, play, play with each other, caress each other, enjoy each others bodies, enjoy each others enjoyment.
Then, when you are both really in the mood and relaxed try penetration.
It doesn’t have to be a direct hit.
Try again and again if it’s not working right away.
Laughing is allowed.

I was shocked for a moment when i thought i read “how do I go through this fist experience?”

@rebbel I like the new avatar.

Thanks, mam!
I’m fluthered.

The best thing is not to focus on what might be painful.
This is the first step in a new world. Pay attention to all of it.

Roofies help, I bet.

It helps if you are with someone you really care about and have an ongoing sexual relationship with. With me, it was just part of a continuum in a long term relationship. We had fooled around a lot and knew each other very well. I don’t even remember feeling any pain. The practical suggestions above are all good ones. Also, you might want to set up a condition with your partner that if you say stop at any point, he will pull out. That way, you have control if it becomes too painful.

@Sarcasm You think date rape drugs are a joke?

The more turned on you are before penetration, the easier it will be for you, so force your man to take the time to get you hot and bothered.

It doesn’t always hurt. I didn’t feel a thing.

the do? @Facade good grief what are they thinking lol (I jest)

You can do me….

My new boyfriend and I just discovered the joys of KY Natural Feeling Liquid lubricant. My form of birth control has an unfortunate side effect that makes me, erm, not be able to physically express my arousal… lol… and he said that this lube makes it even better than when we were able to just do it naturally. The stuff is amazing.

Have him go down on you first.

Like @lynneblundell said, he has to be gentle.

(I can be gentle! (hint hint)

I’m not a virgin lol

or is that not what you were saying… :-/

You’re not? In that case, meet me at 5!!!

hmmm..it’s 8.30 here…

and I have to go on a date with Jack79 first…apparenetly I’m under orders

@Marina if that qualifies as a date rape joke, then yes.
I fail to see how it’s date rape if she’s the one who takes it on her own.

@Sarcasm: I do believe Marina meant that your reference to roofies, the date rape drug, wasn’t funny.

I know what they’re called. Let’s look at the definition of date rape. “an assault or attempted assault by usually a new acquaintance involving sexual intercourse without mutual consent.”
If you’ve got something more to say about the subject, pm me.

sigh… I think I just remembered why I took a long hiatus from Fluther.

“Have him go down on you first.”?

She is having sex for the first time. That apparently is awkward enough to get through. Then throw into the equation what is involved in oral sex .

Having him go down on her first. She better understand the importance of keeping it Extra Special Fresh (ESF). Or that will become a major turn off that will keep him away.
In the beginning just getting naked has is hurtles to over come. :-)

But, eventually putting on the freak will be second nature.

@ChazMaz the guy who goes down on her should know that vaginas have odors…but yes, washing is important

Well, first timers tend to have missed that memo.
:-)

Making sure you and him practice up and as it’s been said before.
clean up before (shave) and with some lube. make sure your topside so you can control how slow or fast you lose it.

@ChazMaz Cleanliness requirements go both ways, and what about the injunction to not be too graphic.

It does?

@ChazMaz: What is wrong with orally pleasuring a female before her first penetrative sexual experience? I’d almost think that was a prerequisite. (It was for me, at least.)

@ChazMaz: I am really disturbed by your response to my response and even more disturbed by the fact that you received a GA.

What is your problem? Are you really saying that first-time sex is already awkward enough and that it shouldn’t be complicated by female genital stink? Are you fucking serious? Wtf.

And that getting naked is already a hurdle to overcome?

Uh.

Most people at the time of virginity loss have already gotten over the “naked” hurdle and have already experienced oral sex (both giving and receiving). I think it’s safe to say that it’s rare these days for someone to have intercourse before ever trying oral sex.

Whatever guy is lucky enough to be the first inside of @live_rose should be delighted to be with her! And like everyone else said, he should focus his efforts on foreplay to make sure she is as aroused and comfortable as possible before entering her. This includes going down on her. Performing oral sex on a female is the perfect pre-intercourse act.

I don’t know what the hell you are thinking.

@ChazMaz: Even after decoding “has is hurtles” (you meant “has its hurdles,” right?) I still don’t understand what you’re trying to say. I think you’re trying to imply that:

1. the vagina is somehow inherently dirty, and
2. women receiving oral sex from men they have intercourse with is an unreasonable expectation

Both of those are not only incorrect but really fucking offensive. I have never slept with a guy who wasn’t thrilled to go down on me, despite having never received the “ESF” memo.

If this dude doesn’t want to go down on @live_rose, he shouldn’t be putting anything else near her vagina either.

And it’s not as if penii smell like roses all the time…

I agree with @girlofscience in terms of the advice
getting an orgasm from oral sex will lubricate and prepare your vagina for intercourse
and do not worry about the smell
take a shower before and all will be fine

@girlofscience Is ChazMaz thinking at all?

well everyone can calm down I have no interest in receiving oral sex the thought both repulses me and makes me nervous fear of down there being not so pleasant is a big factor in why i made it abundantly clear to my boyfriend that I want no part in it. He was surprisingly kind of bummed about that but alas I feel that it’s not for me.

@live_rose well i do hope you will eventually feel comfortable enough with it, it’s quite good

well im sure it is I just don’t believe it’s my cup of tea. But thank you any way for the positive review on oral sex :)

@live_rose you bet, enjoy!

I don’t want to push it, but, if you’re a virgin, how exactly do you know that it’s not your cup o tea?

the thought just grosses me out and you cant miss what you’ve never had and I doubt I’ll be on my death bed going “If only I had partaken in receiving oral sex”

@live_rose: Are you kidding??????????? Of all the things I have experienced in 24 years of being alive, oral sex is definitely in the top 3. Possibly top 2.

@live_rose oh something tells me that sometime in your life you really will reconsider – I know that sounds obnoxious but if you’re not one of those lucky ones getting an orgasm from intercourse, I really wish you’ll reconsider

I suspect that, in a few years, she will.

I also suspect that her main concern is NOT getting oral sex from him but that he’ll want her to return the favor and the concept of that to her (right now) is repulsive.

“It shouldn’t be complicated by female genital stink? Are you fucking serious? Wtf.”

Wow, had no idea so many women were so hung up on their private place.

I find it pretty odd (but does not surprise me these days) that people are having oral sex before committing to intercourse.
Is it that argument that oral sex is not sex? lol

Ladies, with all due respect. Been having sex for almost 30 years now. Starting when I was 16. It does not happen often but when it does it is a memory that is hard to forget. (ask your men, let them be honest. I bet you will learn a thing or two)
That it being not fresh. It being inherently dirty sound like a personal problem was not my point. But for the most part is might be good to go, for daily use, but when you are going to have someone go down on you and that goes for men too. If they lack experience, (some just do not get it) not putting themselves in the givers place, you will have some “bad” experiences and you wouldn’t know about it except when you partner does not want to have sex with you any more.

And, I am not one to say, or should I say I use to be not one to say, “why don’t you go into the bathroom and freshen up a bit so we can get back to business.”
What usually happens is I will re-direct to other things. Thank god for scented and flavored lubes and, you walk away thinking all was good. Only to ambush me again. (I do give second tries) or you are with someone else that you do the same thing you did to me because you think your No No place is perfect.

The more mature and experienced women tend to know what is involved in keeping it fresh for oral pleasure or are mature to not take some input the wrong way. Because they want to get back to business as much as I do.
Some women it is perfect every time down there. High five!

This is something you come to understand from experience.
Sometimes a woman spreads her legs and it is heaven on earth. Sometimes it is a poor ventilated shed. But, usually can easily be corrected if you are not insecure.

As far as having intercourse for the first time. I do not accept that the two individuals are comfortable with being nude because they have had plenty of oral sex already.

It is another ball game when bodies collide. Even women that have had “sexual experience” can be a bit timid when being nude. Or lacking Oral experience because you had a man that just climbed on you did his business or you just gave him pleasure. Only for him to give you a token lick.

Better, especially in the beginning, to be safe then sorry.
I have had experiences from women, them not knowing better, that I still reflect on to this day. Just because they did not take a moment to prepare.

I have had this conversation with plenty of women. I have come to find it is not a bad thing, since you are already talking about sex, to talk about keeping it fresh. When done properly and respectfully creates a better experience. I never have a complaint.
Because in the end it is about having a good sexual experience.
That starts with being honest. About everything.

Can you repeat that?

@Quagmire Im not worried about giving him oral sex in fact I have . . . that doesn’t repulse me at all infact it makes sense to me. I can understand doing that because I know he finds it enjoyable I on the other hand have put my foot down on not receiving it because in no way does it sound enjoyable to me.

@ChazMaz i don’t think oral sex isn’t sex . . . hell it has sex in the name. the reason why I’m hung up on real sex being a big deal is I can only lose my virginity once . . . I can give oral sex over and over again and it will be basically the same every time.

Side note not directed to you it’s not like I have a hideous swamp down there. I just like a lot of girls am self conscious about my body and my vigina is one part that I am particularly sensitive about. before I went to a gynecologist for the first time I thought there was something anatomically wrong with it I’ve always had issues with how I felt about it and the thought of him coming to eye level to my vagina worries me and hence it makes the thought of receiving oral sex down right nerve racking.

I totally see live_rose’s point of view on this. I’ve had it done, and I love it. Except I won’t do it… or it would take a pretty extreme desire to get me to cave. Body chemistry is a hard thing to control, and the bottom line is a woman’s vagina is a damp, dark place… for lack of a better phrase. What happens faster in damp, dark places? Bacteria growth. What does bacteria growth generally cause? Odor. There are women who can shower once a day and always smell fresh as a daisy. There are others who could scrub and use powders and sprays and goodness knows what else, and it won’t help. It’s all about body chemistry… and some people, me included, are pretty paranoid about being anything other than fresh as a daisy when it’s within 5 feet of a man. Sure, he may not mind if it’s not 100% down there, but unfortunately, society in general has made any odor whatsoever from that area horrendous and taboo and filthy.

So I see Chaz’s point… and only because I’ve known someone you could smell just sitting next to her, though she appeared clean otherwise. And that girl that I knew is the reason why I share live_rose’s view on the subject.

To each his own, ladies. It’s just not some guys’ (or girls’) cup of tea.

Is it weird that I kind of like those natural body smells? I mean, people, these things are full of pheromones that are designed to heighten sexual attractiveness. That you feel you have to scrub them away is a pretty sad commentary on our culture.

Some smells are “special.”
Some are unbearable.

and I’d rather ere on the side of caution and keep all smells down there as far away from his nose as posible

@ChazMaz: Ok, so sometimes some women do not smell pleasant, but what the hell does that have to do with suggesting against going down on a girl before she loses her virginity? I’m sure most men have occasionally encountered some less-than-desirable pussies, but that’s the exception and not the norm, and I have no idea why this rare exception called for your diatribe about “fresh“ness and your recommendation that @live_rose steer clear of having her man go down on her. Christ.

i find it kind of funny but I’m still ok with the fact that this question has kind of gone astray (ironically to another topic i kind of needed advice about) that’s the brilliancy of fluther

I would rather a woman’s natural perfume to that of a shop bought one :)

One theme that relates the sidetrack in this thread to your original question, live rose, is that you will have a much better experience of intercourse your first, and subsequent times, if you are comfotable with your body and comfortable with your sexuality, whatever specific acitivities you do or don’t want to engage in. If you aren’t aroused, sexual intercourse is likely to be painful.

“I have no idea why this rare exception”

It is more common then you think. I am not saying that it would be dirty down there as I said before. It needs (sometimes) to be “fresher” for that oral experience.
My opinion, and my experience, is that you either do not want to know, refuse to accept it. (preventing you from pre investigating) or your partner will not tell you.

It was brought up because, individuals that are just being introduced to intercourse are not aware of the reality of it. Fantasizing about it is one thing. To do it is another.
Like driving a car. Looks easy, can do it on a video game. But once behind the wheel it is all together different and unexpected.

You like him, he likes you. You both decide to have sex, especially for the first time.
Go ahead, direct him to go down on you. If it smells like pee ( because you just went to the bathroom, or because it is so hairy it is retaining some of that sent) or ivory soap or you just came off your period, or you still are but want to have sex, or you just have one of those that are very clean but do not produce that wonderful perfume smell that some do have. I guarantee you that the only thing he will remember is what he will not do again. Especially with you.

Just penetration is easy, in and out and even that can expose the same odors.

@ChazMaz: You’re missing the point entirely. Your whole fuss about this was completely irrelevant to the topic at hand. There’s no reason a girl should prevent the guy who is about to take her virginity from going down on her. Give it up.

” There’s no reason a girl should prevent the guy who is about to take her virginity from going down on her. Give it up.”

I think you are missing the point. Don’t think you read what I wrote.
True, you are correct. There is no “reason”. She can do what she wants when ever she wants. It was advice to make it a more pleasurable experience. And, to avoid pitfalls that a new experience can have.

I am guessing you are the type of person that likes to make love after spending the day doing yard work. With no consideration as to what your partner might think of your dirty, smelly body.
It being your first time. You might not make the connection between showering and sex.
Don’t take offense because it was suggested it is best to shower and clean up before doing so, espically when a closer exploration of the naughty place is going to happen.
Certainly no need to if after you do the yard work you are going to clean the pool.

@ChazMaz: You are really, really frustrating me. You are not understanding anything correctly at all.

I don’t even know how to continue to articulate what is so warped about your perspective.

I’m not doing yard work or playing sports or taring a driveways anything terribly sweat inducing I just know that even if i do smell like a daisy once he goes down there ill be worried i don’t. And worrying will be all I do, I wont get aroused i don’t think, and Ill be more tense than I was before kind of defeating the purpose of doing it before partaking in vaginal sex

“even if i do smell like a daisy once he goes down there ill be worried i don’t.”

But once you get the hang of it. (experience) your confidence will kick in and you will find yourself demanding it. :-)
Or it just might not be your thing. Have seen that plenty of times too.

“what is so warped about your perspective.”

Not warped and perspective, I would say is subjective. I would call it experience.

Too many years, and too many ladies.

too many ladies . . . too little time. lol sorry I just found that statement funny for some reason :p

But yeah I understand everyone’s view on this I might just be an inherint worrier and can’t wrap my mind around that being anything but stressful and maybe just maybe ill come around to it (don’t count on it though)

If you are a worrier, then I think that makes it all the more important that you see this as a more-than-one-day process. Take baby steps. Don’t move forward until you stop worrying. Most importantly, you HAVE TO talk about it. It sounds to me like you are inhibited about talking about it. Your partner should know about your worries, and help reassure you about them. If he thinks you smell fine, he should tell you, and if not, that, too. Don’t get upset by these things. You’re learning, after all. Don’t expect to be perfect the first time. In fact, pardon the pun, but expect to fuck up the first time. No matter how prepared you are. I think you have placed so much pressure on yourself that it will hurt your chances of having a good first time.

Ok, I’m new to this thread but wanted to put my two pence worth in.

Firstly the first time you have sex it will probably hurt…and in my experience the second and third did a little bit until I got used to it. But I think what hasn’t been touched on is what kind of pain it is. It’s not an unbearable stabbing pain, it’s just a bit uncomfortable. But the most important factors are that you are relaxed and you trust the person you are having sex with. From what you have said, you do trust him and it sounds as if he wants to please you so you’ll be fine.
I would say make sure you are somewhere where you feel relaxed and can take your time, then spend a long time on foreplay…lots of kissing and touching will make you feel even more relaxed and make sure your body is ready for sex. Then on top of that the most important thing is to let him know that you need him to take it slowly. Sorry to be crude but no banging at you!! Don’t be scared to ask him to slow down or pause for a moment or even stop for a while and then try again a little while later.
As for the oral sex chat…I agree that it is totally your choice to do whatever makes you feel comfortable in bed and I completely understand your worry, however in my experience the smell or appearance isn’t something you should worry about. I know exactly how you feel and I believe a lot of women have the same concerns, but men don’t! I mean it is obviously nice and polite to have a wash before hand, but in the same way that the minute you’ve had a shower your armpits don’t smell, your vagina won’t either. The ‘fishy’ smell that is associated and joked about is only caused after not washing for a while. If you were to excuse yourself to the bathroom before hand, or even take a shower together if you feel comfortable I promise you that by the time he gets down to business you won’t smell. Anything produced because of arousal won’t smell or taste unpleasant and again, in my personal experience and from talking very frankly to male and female friends…if a man wants to go down on you it’s because it turns him on as well and he likes it. Very few men who don’t like it will offer to do it, let alone look upset that he isn’t allowed to do it, so it sounds as if your guy likes it a lot and wants to do it as much for you as him….therefore even if there was an ‘issue’ down there (which there isn’t…it’s your insecurity – I mean that in the nicest way!) he wouldn’t be put off.

I am talking from experience as I am paranoid about it as well and won’t let a guy go down on me unless I feel comfortable or have had a wax, but when I have expressed these worries I have been told by the men that I am being stupid and they want to do it. I think maybe give it a go…see what it’s all about and if you don’t like it after that then don’t do it again, but until then you won’t know the joy that you’ll be missing out on!

GOOD LUCK! x

@kingmonkey Great, frank info. If I could give you more lurve, I would.

@janbb Ahh, thanks so much! I just think it’s important to answer questions as honestly as possible – ESPECIALLY when they are of a subject matter that often doesn’t get spoken about due to embarrassment. That way we can all learn and take the confusion out of situations and therefore all have better sex lives! Amen to that! x

the part about having sex after doing yardwork… shudder

@poofandmook You could make it sexy. Have a sexy shower together after the work

also, take some time to make the place nice and conducive to a good time. some candles, some lube, some music, some nice pillows or something pleasant. as for the oral sex part – don’t knock it till you’ve tried it. trust me, you’ll probably like it.

the thought of yard work in general shudder that’s why Im going to replace my yard with a moat. SO there will be little to no chance of after yard work sex

Wow! A new kink! AYWS! Ya’ll are brilliant!