General Question

Eleanor's avatar

What would you do? (Seriously?)

Asked by Eleanor (49points) January 16th, 2008

If you were 19, in your first year of college and is 7 weeks pregnant? You have an amazing boyfriend who’s willing to help you in anyway possible. I want both male and female responses.

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15 Answers

cwilbur's avatar

I don’t know what I’d do. I suspect that if I were in that situation, it would have been the result of things going seriously wrong, and I’d figure out what and how and why.

Second, I’d sit down and think hard. There are three basic options: abortion, adoption, or keeping the baby. I’ve known enough new parents to know just how much work keeping the baby is; it pretty much means postponing college. And if the relationship with the father is not secure already, having a baby will most likely end it. I’ve known a woman who had an abortion; it seemed like the best choice in a bad situation, but it was a thoroughly miserable experience for her, and there will always be the question of whether she did the right thing or not, what might have happened if she had chosen otherwise.. I haven’t known anyone who’s given a baby up for adoption (or if I have, they didn’t tell me), but I can’t imagine that being significantly easier.

I’d probably have a long talk with my boyfriend. If he is seriously involved and really wants to help, and you decide to keep the child, I’d insist on a marriage. Not because I think it’s inherently horrible to be a parent out of wedlock, but simple practicality: it’s a lot harder for him to skip out if he’s married, and tying him to you legally gives you both a lot of legal advantages if you’re raising a child together.

Basically, I wouldn’t rely on everything being as friendly and supportive and happy as it is now. It’s easy for him to say “I’m willing to help in any way possible,” but when the rent comes due and you haven’t slept more than 4 hours a night in the past 3 months and you are out of milk and bread and cranky, you don’t want him to say, “you know, screw this, I’m going drinking with my buddies, I’m a college student and supposed to be living it up!”

christybird's avatar

What about the families? Would yours or his be willing to be really involved and help? If you or him have parents that would pitch in, in terms of regular babysitting and financial assistance, that might make it more plausible to have the kid. Or maybe one of you has a sister that is a stay-at-home mom that might be willing to take care of the kid along with her own while you go to classes or work. You would need a LOT of help from your families in order to make this work, not just an occasional babysitting session. If you are thinking at all about having the kid, you need to make sure that you have secured this kind of help BEFORE you make your final decision – you can’t just assume your families will help automatically.

Without this kind of help from your families, if you have the kid, you won’t be able to finish school and, speaking frankly, you won’t have many employment prospects. Life would be really hard for you. Even WITH this kind of help, it would be rough. I am speaking from personal experience – my mom was 19 when she had me (it was unplanned) and didn’t have a college degree. It took her 14 years to get a nursing degree and to be somewhat financially secure, and she had a lot of family help.

If you can’t put a lot of this onto your families, I would recommend adoption or abortion. Which one of those is right for you is a very personal decision. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with abortion, and think it might be easier than carrying a baby for 9 months and having to give it away.

chaosrob's avatar

Your choices are pretty much keep it and raise it, or don’t. If you decide to keep it, get your families involved earlier, rather than later. Once you’re past the fallout of telling them, they’ll be able to help a lot.

If you decide not to keep it, seek impartial counseling from a professional psychologist (your college should have someone that you can see quickly) before you make any decisions. Abortion and adoption both have long-term consequences for everyone involved, and you should be made aware of them by someone without an agenda before you choose a path.

Either way, your world has now changed, radically and forever. Whatever plans you’ve made will need to change. This is NOT a disaster! Just accept that it’s happening and deal with it head on, and you should be okay. (My son, also born very early in my life, is about to graduate with a degree in biology; everything will work out as long as you stay focused on doing right by your child.)

Seriously, good luck!

Zaku's avatar

I’m a man, but if I was a woman, I would fully discuss with my lover, seek private advice, counseling, etc. Simple answer though is I think I personally would choose abortion right away.

smart1979's avatar

IMO, if you have an amazing boyfriend, talk to him, talk to your families and get ready for it :D I’m sure you will find a lot of help.

Poser's avatar

Adoption. There is enough love and responsibility in this world to go around.

Eight's avatar

How nice of the boyfriend to do what he can. What can he do? Does he have a trust fund or career? Is he in college? Love is wonderful. I love love. But. The kid (if you go that way) is going to cost a small fortune to raise. Have you looked at the costs of pre-natal,birth and post-natal care? Day care, pre-school, clothes, food, etc. etc. the costs of raising a child. Since you’re in college, you probably want the kid to have a similar shot at the fading American Dream. Step back and be very practical. Can you and the BF, both really kids, afford to be parents? Do you have health insurance that covers children? Whoa. Reality. Bites.

Eleanor's avatar

Well, we live in Canada, there is not cost for medical stuff. It’s all free here. The only stuff we have to pay for is prescriptions. He does have an amazing job and does freelance work for extra money. I can also work full-time until the child is born and then work from home. I’m scheduled for the abortion tomorrow, someone have any awesome ideas to give me?

TheKitchenSink's avatar

I’m male, I say abortion. I’ve explained why in other similar threads, so if you really want my reasons go right ahead and look at them there. And hossman, if you’re reading this, don’t argue with me. Please. Just this once. It’s very draining and pointless.

Cardinal's avatar

Look in any newspaper. There are ads in every one wanting to Adopt a new born. Why not give a barren women the gift of your love child? You may or may not keep in touch with the child, that is up to you. Finish your education and then start a family, but why kill the child, a gift from God?

christybird's avatar

I can’t believe I forgot to say this in my previous post: good luck. No matter what path you choose.

Eleanor's avatar

Thanks guys, I still don’t know what I’m going to do but I’ll figure it out!

ironhiway's avatar

You will have to live with this decision for the rest of your life?
So I would review all the information available before making an irreversible decision of this nature. Here are some things to consider.

Some people answering these questions seem to think it’s a simple choice. It’s not and you already know that. You may be using this site to ease your concerns or change your mind about tomorrow’s appointment.

None of us here have to face the consequences of keeping or ending the pregnancy. Only you and those people close to you will be faced with the effects this decision will have on you.

I listed several sites with information on what to expect after an abortion from both groups who fight against abortion and those who support abortion.

I’ve also included adoption sites that provide information that will help you consider that option as well.

I know it’s a lot of information but this decision will be a part of you for the rest of your life if your not sure then you’re not ready to make that decision. You now have sufficient information to make that choice and except the effects and or challenges you will face on either choice. It’s your life, your going to face the effects of your decision more than anyone else. Think about it.

Eleanor's avatar

Thanks everyone for your support, but it’s all done with, I had the procedure done this morning.

hossman's avatar

I’m sorry. Please seek out a professional, minister, friend or family member to talk to if you even suspect you need it. There is help for everything.

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