What is jealousy good for?

It’s terrible. Ever see Shakespeare’s Othello? It’s the best case of the craziness and waste of jealousy. I believe it’s also one of the seven sins. Jealousy is something do rid yourself of, even if there is something to be jealous about. It’s you that suffers.

It’s about feelings of insecurity and inadequacy.

I think people get jealous because they are insecure and afraid to lose someone or something.

I’ve been jealous many times. I finally realized that I am responsible for my feelings and I can’t control what another person does.

@skfinkel Never seen it, but will do (or read it).
@jonsblond @PandoraBoxx Yes, that’s what i hear and agree on, but the thing is, i am sure i have no reason to be insecure yet these feelings come every now and then.
I also heared the explanation that it has to do with “wanting to protect your girl-/boyfriend and/or relation, but that could be made up by jealous people who don’t want to admit that they are insecure>

You may not feel like you’re insecure, but perhaps scripting handed to you by your upbringing says otherwise.

Or perhaps it’s a carryover from caveman days, when you had to fight to keep what you have. Only you can’t club some guy over the head for talking to your girlfriend, or drag her off to a cave by the hair because she thought some guy was funny and laughed at his jokes.

Jealousy is not a healthy emotion. Don’t hold on to it.

Jealousy from past insecurities or offenses creeps up to try and challenge what’s new and working well, to cast doubt on it, to freak you out into making moves of sabotage. Like you say, it’s an exercise in reason and damage control.

I can say as a hurt person seeing another hurt person that it’s good to agree up front that incidents of awkwardness, jealousy or paranoia not be allowed to fester more than a day. We both know our baggage is out to get us so we make big efforts to keep present in order to focus on and trust more in what is good, positive, inspiring and scary.

@skfinkel: Catholic Church lists the traditional seven deadly sins as follows:

Lust, Anger, Pride, Sloth, Envy, Gluttony, Greed

Jealousy could come under Lust, Anger, Pride, Envy, Gluttony and Greed, perhaps.

@gailcalled Or just Envy. You know, since that’s what it means…

@filmfann: They are pretty close. I am trying to think of examples where there is a subtle difference.

I am jealous of Milo’s ability to sleep anywhere but I am not envious of his appetite for mice. Would that do it? Hmm. I am envious of Milo’s ability to sleep anywhere but I am not jealous of his appetite for mice?

It’s probably natural. Heck relationships are supposed to be about two people and if something else gets in the way, I’ll want to level it to the ground. But it is no good to act on that distorted version of love.

It may have originated with the need of a man to know that the child (and mother) he is protecting and feeding and sheltering are his.

Certainly one use for jealousy is to make you renew your romantic overtures to your SO so they won’t wander. Otherwise, it is as @gailcalled says, or it could be the other way around, coming from the need of a woman raising a man’s child to know he’s gonna stay around and protect her and his offspring.

In any case, it tends to be at best a useless emotion, and at worst a source of drama, tragedy, and great fiction.

Absolutely nothin’.

Oh. Wait a minute. That’s War.

Um…Domestic abuse?

@Blondesjon Exactly what i was humming when i wrote that question
Good answers, all.
I think they even might help.
Thanks.

Reassurance that you give a damn.

@rebbel The version of Othello I saw last year was great. You watch a lovely relationship with a perfectly faithful woman go so terribly wrong from absurd jealously from the guy. It was also a good warning that when you see someone going a bit nuts from jealously, get out early. Jealously can take you to some bad places. I would be interested to know what you think of the play.

I will look for a production of it near where i live and when i have seen it (or maybe i will read it) i will come back to you.
Thanks again.

In my youth, I got jealous when my neighbor friend, started going out with the woman of my dreams along with many others. I knew him quite well, but I could never understand how such an intelligent, talented gorgeous girl could be stricken by him. Of all the people she could have. Once she was addicted to him. and he knocked her up he dropped her after she had decided on an abortion. The last time I saw her, which was quite a long time ago, she looked anorexic and depressed-a completely different person. I would say she became a tragedy..

From an evolutionary standpoint: stable partnerships can increase the survival chances of human offspring.

You may want to look at The Evolution of Jealousy, a review of theories about the development of jealousy. It suggests that jealousy is pretty much the same for men and women (not related to differences in what makes a man jealous compare to what makes a woman jealous). It also theorizes that jealousy is an early warning system that alerts someone to the possibility that their partner may stray. This allows the person to take steps to head off the infidelity.

This theory says that jealousy has an evolutionary and a social component. Jealousy is experienced under differing circumstances in different cultures. So part of it may have to do with various culturally specific ways of displaying interest in someone else.

Morbid (seemingly completely irrational) jealousy, may be related to mental illness such as OCD. People constantly checking on their partners may not understand why they constantly check, and therefore assume it must have to do with something they picked up.

There are a variety of reasons why people may want to stay in stable relationships—and not all have to do with bringing up children. There is an emotional component, too. In order to maintain the emotional support of a partner, the jealous person wouldn’t want their partner to provide emotional support to anyone else. Interest in someone else threatens the emotional relationship, not just the financial relationship.

I kind of like the idea that jealousy is an early warning system that one’s partner is displaying an interest in someone outside the relationship. This interest could well threaten the existing relationship by causing the withdrawal of emotional and/or material support. Breaking up a relationship also has negative social consequences such as loss of status. There are a number of reasons why breaking up is not a good thing, and so jealousy serves as an early warning system that allows the jealous person to take steps to prevent the infidelity.

Thanks @daloon.
That made sense.
Downloaded the .pdf, will read later.

Jealousy. It may only be a simple word, but does not have such a simple definition behind it. There are many reasons we feel jealous and though it is a normal human emotion to feel, it tends to get out of control if we fail to tame it. In order to tame it and control it however, you will first have to learn where your jealousy is coming from. There is always a cause for jealousy to arise and once you have those causes figured out, controlling it will become easier.
When your jealous emotions come out, all you know is that you are feeling that way, correct? That is where you need to stop! It will be hard to remember, but you must take a pause every time you feel jealous and ask yourself why you feel that way. Does it have something to do with your own self-esteem, or does the person you are in a relationship with provide you with good reasons to feel this way? Speaking of self-esteem, jealousy is a good way of lowering it. So no matter what the reasons may be, it is extremely important for you to conquer it, otherwise it can do great damage to your self-esteem.
Once you figure out where your jealousy is coming from, you will then need to discover why it makes you feel jealous. For instance, if you figured out that it makes you jealous when your boyfriend or girlfriend talks to the opposite sex, then you need to discover why it makes you jealous. Did you have an experience in a previous relationship that now causes you to feel jealous with similar situations, or do you just have a fear of being betrayed? If so, why does that fear exist? Is your self-esteem a little lower than you thought? As you can see, there is a huge line of questions that need to be asked and answered in order for your jealousy to be conquered and under control. Acknowledging it is the first and important step, so you are already on the right and smart track!
Once you have realized where your jealousy comes from and what causes it, you can then concentrate on keeping it in control and hopefully get rid of it. If the reason has something to do with your partner, then it is best to have a serious conversation with him or her about it. Do not be afraid or feel stupid for feeling the way you feel. You have the right to express yourself and they are entitled to knowing what is making you feel jealous. If they truly care about you, they will work on ways to prevent you from experiencing such emotions. It is also a good idea to make an appointment with yourself and find ways you can improve your self-love and health, so that you can gain more strength and confidence, and be ready fight off such jealousies when they come to surface.

@germanmannn: Well-said and well written, but please use breaks for those of us with aging eyes. Thanks and Welcome to Fluther.

Jealously drives one to action. Good action? Bad action? It depends.