Why do effeminate men get ridiculed?

Oscar Wilde. he’s dead.

Effeminate men get ridiculed because it’s something that goes against what people expect and it’s different. Men are supposed to be strong and “manly” and when someone doesn’t meet that, it’s seen as inferior or failure. Another reason in terms of gay men avoiding being effeminate is that it’s a stereotype that gay men are always effeminate and some are afraid of being lumped together with that stereotype. Obviously, plenty of gay men are not effeminate by nature. But there’s nothing wrong if you are. There’s nothing wrong if being effeminate is just being yourself whether you’re gay or straight. I happen to be a bit effeminate. It’s not an “act”, I’m not trying to fit the stereotype, there are just parts of me that are effeminate and I don’t care.

‘cuz bein’ feminine ain’t manly!

I’ve been forced to watch a few chick flicks. I’ve seen plenty of women ridicule “butch” women. Don’t think this is something only dudes do.

Why does anyone get ridiculed?
Usually it has to do with insecurities held by the person ridiculing the other.

Liberace. he’s dead.

Because people think men are supposed to be masculine. Feminine men are ridiculed and masculine women are ridiculed.

Ridiculing an effeminate male is a way of affirming one’s own masculinity. Most cultures place a high value on the traits we associate with masculinity, and those values have been idealized in our male heroes. The cultural message is clear: masculine males are the winners. Since we all want to be winners, we want to appear masculine.

One way to draw attention to one’s own masculinity is to draw attention to the lack of masculinity in others.

So this is an unbiased question that merits a response?

re:

Yeah, @DominicX and @The_Compassionate_Heretic nailed it. It’s a combination of our society’s obsession with ridiculing anything that falls outside of the “perfect” construct of our gender binary. This obsession, as far as I can tell, has its roots in personal insecurities.
I’m effeminate in some respects…if you want me to prove it, tell me you need a shopping buddy. In my personal experience with being ridiculed, it almost always seems to be a way for the guy (it’s always been a guy) making fun of me to bolster up his own machismo.

@kevbo This question is an attempt to explain a known and widely recognized phenomenon. Your question relied on the acceptance of your assertion, which is not widely accepted.

Seeing traits that are considered feminine in a man is disconcerting to most people who are stuck in the ideas of gender dichotomy. I can’t help but see a bit of misogyny in it, as well. Are feminine traits somehow less than male gender traits? If not, why ridicule?

@lefteh, Does anyone know any effeminate men who they would never ridicule or make fun of and why?

Does anyone know any effeminate men who they would never ridicule or make fun of and why?

I know several and I don’t ridicule them because they are my friends. Okay so some of them maybe a bit but only in a fun way in which friends do and never in a malicious way.

@RareDenver proves why that specific part of this question is valid. It opens an entirely relevant discussion about gender roles and insecurities.

In my opinon, butch women are not as ridiculed as effeminiate men. Tom boys seem to be more tolerated than sissys.

@airowDee I think that is because masculine women, by nature, are probably more intimidating than effeminate men. You can even remove the genders there. If someone is more masculine, people would be less likely to mess with them than if they were more feminine.

Jealousy, pure and simple.

@lefteh

Your right, my feminist opinion is also that its due to patriarchy, where masculine is considered to be more serious and superior than femininity.

Anyone who goes against the grain of what’s “normal” is often picked out for mockery or viciousness, whether it’s effeminate men, butch women, gay or transgender folks, right down to ginger-haired people in some cultures, ethnic minorities, etc.

Differences stick out. In the animal kingdom, the “different” animals are also easy to pick out and often become prey for a hungry predator. This is no less true for us as people, only the predatory behaviour is, more often than not, intellectual/emotional – the need to ‘hunt out the different’ to make ourselves feel more accepted, part of the pack.

those pretty sons of bitches… why can’t my hair look like that?!?!?

but honestly, whatever floats your boat really. I have a couple of gay friends that are pretty effeminate, they’re hilarious. They poke fun at me for being a little reserved and quiet and having a stereotypical affinity for sports and beer, I make fun of them for liking the jonas brothers and knowing more about makeup than any girl I’ve ever dated, they’re good friends, nice guys.
It’s funny though sometimes, we don’t go out to bars a lot together, we go our separate ways when it comes to night life, but every now and then we will, and I get some funny looks sometimes just because I’m with them, not to mention the “oh I thought you were gay…” comment I’ll get from whichever girl I’m talking to at the end of the night. I always thought that sort of thing was kind of ridiculous.

Does anyone know any effeminate men who they would never ridicule or make fun of and why?

I’ve never ridiculed or made fun of any effeminate man I’ve known.

Why? Because ridiculing someone for being who they are, assuming they’re not hurting anyone, is a shitty thing to do.

And @DominicX gave a great answer.

@ABoyNamedBoobs03 Ahh, you have fallen victim to the same nasty phenomenon that several of my straight friends have experienced when hanging out with me…being GBA. Gay by association. It happens all the time, and I don’t really know why. I’ve never really understood it. I don’t see why people wouldn’t independently evaluate and investigate the sexualities of each person they are interested in.

I have a straight friend who’s very effeminate. His mother and sister where quite domineering, and his father was pretty much absent. He and his wife have been married for 30 years. He gets picked on my strangers at work, who come into their shop and ask for the “gay guy.” I doubt these same people would come in and ask for the “butch woman” or the “dyke.”

@eponymoushipster i think oscar wilde is was sexy.

@tiffyandthewall he was a witty fellow.

I saw his grave at Père Lachaise in June. It was a very special experience.

“Walking down the Strand with a single lily in his hand…”

”Oscar Wilde. he’s dead.” —Also, he would give you a verbal ass-kicking that you’d never recover from.

”Liberace. he’s dead.” —And he’s still ridiculed.

because our society has stupid gender expectations?

Who would anyone ridicule a man with such amazing talent?!

@MacBean that’d almost be an honor…

Easy target.

@lefteh definitely makes some good & logical points. Our society has been one of patriarchy for some time now & that which is feminine is something that was taught to us as weaker & more useless. Misogyny is & has been a part of our country since it’s founding & globally well before that. The men who get picked at for having any feminine trait are victims of misogyny & patriarchy just as the women in our society are. There was a time in global history where women were generally the ones who held the higher positions in nearly every community function & those women displayed a variety of traits that by todays standards would be considered masculine while the men in those communities also had a variety of stereotypically feminine traits & for whatever reason none of it was significantly questioned until particular political/religious groups began to focus more on money & capitalism than on balance & Mutual respect. Those who pick at another are victims of a lack of knowledge themselves & are in need of a bit of remedial training in a few different categories so they can gain a better understandin of reality & the fact that gender norms in todays society aren’t in general very normal at all but are instead quite restrictive & not even inclusive of what science shows to be true norms for one gender or another

Because there are always a few (ridiculous) people who ridicule others (who are different).

Check this out.

@tinyfaery She really does look like a guy when she’s in her track gear…

She looks like one on that magazine cover, too

A good brow wax can fix that. I used to look like a man until I started plucking my brows. It was bad lol. She’s super talented though

They are far from the “norm.” And the truth is, that if you are exceedingly different, you are likely to be teased. People just don’t know what to do with people who are so different. Difference makes most people uncomfortable. So they make fun of it. Drunkards. Pygmies. Crips. There are derogatory words for them, also.

It’s weird. People prefer to be more like each other than different from each other. It takes a really strong person to be willing to show up in public (Walmart, notwithstanding) when they are very different. You are always risking ridicule.

You’d think people would want to maintain their individuality—to be noticed. Perhaps they do. Then they could be jealous of people who are willing to look different enough to be noticed.

However, most people don’t want to stand out, and people who do stand out make them uncomfortable. So those who stand out are often made fun of. It’s not just effeminate men. It’s everyone who is markedly different.

I agree with @DominicX and it makes me sick. I guess some people just see effeminate men as an easy target like many people that don’t fit the social norm. I know plenty of (slightly to very) effeminate men, some are gay and some aren’t. I would never ridicule any of them unless it was in a friendly manner (for example a friend of mine who is gay and very effeminate plays up to it and many is the time when I will tell him to stop being “such a queen”. I say that with nothing but love and he knows that. Actually, I love him for being a queen, he knows that too and constantly reminds me that I wouldn’t have him any other way. He’s right.).

I don’t like that term, effeminate…what is the point of it anyway

@Simone_De_Beauvoir what would you prefer, ladylike?

@eponymoushipster I’d prefer there to be no need to explain this ‘horrid deviance’ in certain men…but sure, ladylike works

Because it’s a rare thing to witness? I don’t know, really. I can see if a man came up to someone with a voice like Liberace had (women laughed and loved him to death) and began speaking excitedly about something that a lot of people would giggle when he wasn’t looking. As they would when Ana Nicole’s “decorator” would talk. He appears as if he desires you to laugh. He doesn’t take himself seriously and it’s working for him; he is rich and famous now. As I say, I just never get to hear anyone act or speak effeminately but I would not laugh about it ; I would smile a lot if he were wearing lipstick and purple feathers around his neck like the decorator does. The guy wants attention. If he Doesn’t want attention then why would he be wearing purple feathers and hot pick lipstick?

You are reviving this old question just to be offensive? Good for you.

@Aster That is a good question – I’ll make sure to ask that of the next woman wearing a joke of an outfit and tons of make up.

@Aster. I am approaching you with gentleness and sincerity. My intention is to draw your attention to something that I am hoping you might not be aware of. I do this in order to honor my heart and those of us who are boxed in and boxed out by assumptions about gender. I am doing so publicly because your comments are public.

Many of us are drawn to these sorts of questions because we have slowed down, taken in those around us (both strangers and loved ones) and realized that many of us (and I dare argue all of us) are impacted by the issues these questions stir.

I find it heartbreaking and agitating that you show up on these sorts of questions only to sound like you walk around with blinders on and an absolute universal certainty of why people behave the way they do. For example, above you suggest that a man acting in a way you are not used to (wearing lipstick and feathers) wants attention and lots of smiles.

I am getting the sense that when things fall outside of what you expect from a given gender that you think something ‘odd’ or ‘against nature’ might be happening. Yet, you never claim such things as simply your biases. Granted, several people share such biases but that is all they are and it doesn’t keep them from being harmful. It is obvious that you enjoy employing humor (just looking at your profile brings a smile to my face), but your humor would best be used away from topics of gender and where you see people as other than you. As it stands, it simply seems like you enjoy making fun of people you experience as ‘different’ and it’s unbecoming.

p.s. I miss Harp

@liminal I honor your patience, my love.

@liminal I need to learn to keep my mouth shut with my biases and I’ll start today!! I think some of them are making fun of themselves, enjoy doing so but that is my sick opinion which is unbecoming. If a man puts on a lot of lipstick, a lime green pantsuit and a purple boa around his neck he is wanting attention and expects it but that is just my opinion and nice people would never laugh or smile.
I’m learning.

@Aster all of us have our biases. The best we can do is hold them loosely and allow the light of truth to help us change them, if not out right get rid of some of them. I hope for you wisdom as you, like all of us, continue learning.