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SundayKittens's avatar

When did you officially feel like a grownup?

Asked by SundayKittens (5834points) September 10th, 2009

I am almost 30 (gulp) and still haven’t really seemed to grasp adulthood. I often pay my bills late, let my house get trashed, and have yet to get married/have kids. I just don’t feel like a “grown up”.
When did it click for you? Does it ever? I sometimes think to myself “When did I become old enough to drive? I have my own house! I have a career! What?!?!”

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49 Answers

Insomnia's avatar

I’m 20 years old and am just starting to feel like I’m beginning to approach being a grownup.

LALA1231's avatar

well about a year ago when i turned 22
whta about u

LALA1231's avatar

hey how do i ask a question sorry iam new at this

Insomnia's avatar

The “Ask Fluther” button at the top of the main page.

LALA1231's avatar

thank u so much

RareDenver's avatar

I’m 33 and married and I still don’t really feel all that grown up

MissAnthrope's avatar

@RareDenver – Yay! I was just about to post “is it sad that I’m 32 and still don’t really feel like a grownup?” Virtual fist bump.

christine215's avatar

I’ve been pretty responsible since I was 18 and living on my own… that said, I’m 40 now and still don’t feel totally “grown up”

casheroo's avatar

Still waiting…

Sarcasm's avatar

I’m a month and a half away from being 20, I still don’t.

DominicX's avatar

Well, I’m legally an adult now, but I still feel like a kid. :P

MrItty's avatar

I’m 30, I have a full time job, have been fully financially independent of my parents for at least 8 years…. and still don’t. Maybe if/when I get married and/or have kids that’ll change? <shrug>

This about sums it up.

JLeslie's avatar

In my early 30’s.

Axemusica's avatar

I don’t know if I feel like a ”grown up” as much as when I try talking to someone 8 years younger than I and it makes me feel old. I’m just a big kid at heart, but I do handle my responsibilities well. I’ve been living on my own for many many years & I guess I really don’t think about it that much, lol. I just go from day to day and try to enjoy it. :)

SundayKittens's avatar

@axemusica….good point. Teaching high schoolers does make me feel old. I had a child last year ask me who Kurt Cobain was. Yes, I had him suspended for it.

SundayKittens's avatar

@mritty. HAHAHHAHA! Good cartoon…

willbrawn's avatar

When I got married I felt a lot more grown-up. But still its really weird sometimes.

RareDenver's avatar

@Axemusica I tell you what will make you feel old, and give you a laugh, my wife was talking to her Office Junior (an 18 year old girl) the other day about Michael Jacksons memorial service:

Office Junior: “I thought it was weird that they had his coffin there”

My Wife: “Well remember when James Brown died they had an open coffin and the pictures were all over the TV, magazines and papers.”

Office Junior: “I don’t know who James Brown is”

My Wife: “C’mon James Brown! The Godfather of Soul”

Office Junior: “I don’t know who Soul is”

SundayKittens's avatar

Ouch, Rare Denver. I dedicated my blog to comments such as that.

Axemusica's avatar

@RareDenver Wow, soul? Was she blond? sorry blonds, I had to I’m not very familiar with his work, but I do know who he is and could tell you if his music was playing, but I am a musician, lol.

judochop's avatar

Right after my divorce.

patg7590's avatar

I’m 19 and just got married almost two weeks ago. I definately don’t feel like a grown up. Lol. We are still getting moved into a house were renting. First day back to work. Then to school at the end of the month. So scary. Still feel like a kid.

drdoombot's avatar

My heroes as a child were Superman, Hulk Hogan and Michael Jackson. The first died (at the hands of Doomsday AND due to complications from falling off a horse). The second was defeated by Yokozuna and then got divorced. The third died because of a drug habit and negligence by his personal doctor.

As far as I can tell, my childhood is over.

Interestingly, this answer works for two different questions active on Fluther right now:

juicebox07's avatar

I’m going to be 21 soon, and I feel stuck between a teenager and an adult. I guess I started to feel more grownup when I was about 19. That’s when I switched from working part time to full time, and when my bills started to rack up. I’m still not fully on my own yet though.

jamielynn2328's avatar

I just turned thirty and I’m beginning to value my time a lot more than I did before. It is such a gradual process. I think when I was a kid I thought that I would be so different when I grew up. The truth is I will always be the same person, just with more wisdom.

CMaz's avatar

It is an on again off again thing.

SundayKittens's avatar

@drdoombot it’s funny you said that, because I realized that one of the reasons I was so upset with MJ’s death is that I felt that it officially ushered out my childhood somehow. This icon of my youth died, so…I can’t really explain it.
@jamielynn…...well said….

MissAnthrope's avatar

@jamielynn2328 – What an excellent answer. I completely agree with what you said. I think the main difference between now and when I was younger is that I really value my time now (to the point where I sometimes avoid watching movies because I wonder if it’s worth 2 hours of my life). I also thought I’d be a lot different at this age, and that I’ll probably always be the same, just with more life experience.

Mozart's avatar

I’m 16 and I don’t feel like a grown up at all. I got my national insurance number in the mail the other day though.

robmandu's avatar

When I’d realized I’d lived longer with a drivers license than without.

Still, in terms of my personal perception of my own age, I have to conscientiously think it through and remind myself that I’m not 25 any more.

SundayKittens's avatar

@robmandu Do you mean when making decisions (do the keg stand/don’t do the keg stand) that you have to say to yourself “I’m not 25 anymore”?

tinyfaery's avatar

I’m 35 and still waiting. I don’t ever want to be a grown-up. A good way to avoid it is not to have kids.

Judi's avatar

A couple of years ago when my mom moved out of the house I grew up in, into a retirement home. I realized that I no longer could say, “I can always go live with mom.”

Now my mom gets to say, “I can always go live with Judi!”

OreetCocker's avatar

@tinyfaery ha! I’m 35 too and still feel and act like I’m 17….................... allegedly :-)

jca's avatar

i act silly and childish all the time. i definitely don’t act old. however, to answer the question, when did i start feeling like a grownup – partly beginning with my first full time job that paid well at age 22. however i used to live with family and so i was not free totally to do what i wanted at home (it was not my furniture mostly, i could not have guys sleeping over) but i really felt grownup and independent when i got my first apartment at age 30. then i felt like a big girl. my furniture, my guests, i did not have to explain anything to anybody. i could make a mess and do what i wanted and not worry about the relatives talking about me.

efritz's avatar

I’m 19 but I feel 14. And my friends frequently tell me I look 12.

yay for discount ticket prices everywhere

Sarcasm's avatar

On a similar note to what @efritz says, I’m 19. With facial hair, I seem to pass easily for 22, I had someone guess I was 24. I recently shaved my goatee and today I got a haircut. I look 14 (@le_inferno confirmed my suspicion on facebook too).

Fernspider's avatar

When I was 13, I was so grown up and no one took me seriously. I mean, why not, I knew everything!

Now… ha ha, I am 25 and know that I will never truely be “grown up”. There is always more to learn about life and oneself that we are constantly growing.

I love having the inner child in me and don’t think I ever truely want to give that up.

KatawaGrey's avatar

Well, in some respects, I have been a grown up for far too long. When I was ten my mom got cancer and nothing grows you up like having to take care of sick parent. However, I still have entirely too much fun doing such things as staying up late watching my friend play WoW online and going to Wal-Mart with a bunch of people.

christine215's avatar

@tinyfaery I think my kids help to keep me young…

RareDenver's avatar

Is it weird that I’m 33, married and still don’t have a driving license?

DominicX's avatar


I was less than half your age when I got my driver’s license.

That should motivate you.

Now get it!

Sarcasm's avatar

@RareDenver It’s not weird if you don’t need to drive.

RareDenver's avatar

@DominicX I know I should but I’ve just never needed one. I think I will when we move out of the city centre, soon hopefully. My wife isn’t allowed a driving license due to her epilepsy and eyesight so I really should get one so we can buy a car and get to remote places.

We also get amazing discounts on rail travel due to the fact that she can’t drive. She gets a disabled rail pass. Basically in our area she can go anywhere for £0.35 but for longer distance journeys we can use her National Disabled Rail Pass which means she can have a person travel with her as her carer at the same discount.

An example we are going to London soon for 5 days to visit friends, this rail journey can cost upto £160 each way. We get it for about £15 return each.

Why do I need the expense of a car again?

DominicX's avatar


Well, you don’t have to get a car, but you can still get the license. It could come in handy in an emergency situation.

RareDenver's avatar

@DominicX I think a license in the hands of someone that does not drive is very dangerous, we don’t really have automatics here, and let’s face it you really learn to drive after you have your license.

ps I can actually drive a car I’ve just never needed to get my license, I used to drive friends cars illegally all the time

Jeruba's avatar

I had always assumed that at some point I would wake up and discover that I had turned into a grownup, meaning becoming my parents. I thought it was going to happen when I got a job, but it didn’t. Then I thought maybe what it took was getting married, but no. Having a baby? Nope.

My husband and I talked about this. If parenthood didn’t do it, what was it going to be? Gulp. Maybe it wasn’t going to happen.

(Feeling “old” and feeling grown up are not the same thing.)

Then somewhere along the line I think we understood that it had occurred quietly while we were busy with all the activities and responsibilities of our adult lives. Not that there was nothing of the child left in us (I hope some part of it always remains!) but that we simply knew how to function as mature beings in the world.

If there was ever an actual moment, though, I think it was this, as I just realized while answering the question about letting go of your pets.

casheroo's avatar

@Jeruba I feel the same way. I am married and about to have my second..but I still don’t feel like a grown up. I’ve never had to make the official decision that you’ve had to, and I know my father just made the decision along with his siblings to do the same for his mother. I think it’s like a giant leap. You have to think about so much before making the decision, even if it’s a pet.

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