When you were a child, were you mean and cruel, or were you saintly and kind?

I was the nice one who got picked on all the time. I was teased unmercifully. (My favorite cartoon was Under Dog.)
When I was in Jr High I became the one who stood up to the bullies and called them for what they were.
One time a popular girl got her “girls” together and was trying to fight with the only black girl in the school. The circle started and the whole school was waiting to see these girls beat up this one girl. I was the one who said, He if “Sally” wants to fight her, let her do it, but it should be a one on one fight, this ganging up thing isn’t fair.” The whole school stated saying yeah! (The intended recipient had about a foot on “Sally.” )
Needless to say, “Sally” backed down and nobody got beat up that day.
On the other hand, my husband didn’t attend his 25 year class reunion but his best friend did. Someone they didn’t even remember came up to him and said, “I want you to know I forgive you.” Apparently he had spent years in therapy to overcome the bullying my husband and his friend did. It really is sad that Bullies have no idea of the impact of their actions.

My life at home was really bad and physically abusive. Dad was always drunk, and my mom pretty much gave up.

My sister and I learned to shut the fuck up so things wouldn’t be worse.

People would make comments like “Your children are so well behaved.” We weren’t good kids. We were just frightened to move or talk.

Me too @johnpowell. If I stepped out of line I got a beat down. Plus, I have always been an animla lover and have always been very kind to them. I was never a bully or destructive. I think I am more mean and cruel now than I was as a child.

I haven’t changed that much.

I was always quiet and I still am

I don’t know if “saintly and kind” is the right term, but I was always pretty nice to everyone. I don’t remember ever being mean or making fun of people and I hated it when I saw other people get made fun of. I was a little sensitive and seemed to like to cry a lot, but I don’t remember that ever making people think I was weird or anything. I’m definitely not as sensitive as I used to be and don’t cry as much as I did when I was little. Aside from that, I haven’t changed too much. I still don’t like being mean to people or disliking people; I find it hard to dislike people and when I see others doing it, I don’t like to take part in it. I was always the kid people could talk to about anything and I think of myself as still being very approachable and down to earth like that (someone once told me I was “down to earth” and “easy to talk to”. Sounds good to me).

I remember in middle school this guy was pretty unpopular and was the only one in our math class without a group for this one assignment and even though I barely knew him and my friends in my group didn’t know him, I invited him to be in my group because I hated seeing him so sad (he was crying). I just don’t like seeing people upset and that’s been the same for years. I don’t like seeing people excluded or ostracized or treated badly for weak reasons, which I’ve definitely seen before. I can understand if the person is a jerk, but these are perfectly good kids being treated badly.

But I’m definitely way more argumentative and more stubborn than I was when I was little. No problem with that. :)

I was a very quiet kid. Then when I became a teenager.. I turned evil and mean. I wasn’t popular or anything though.. so I was basically just the mean one out of our group of dorky friends :)

There is really a whole range of behavior between the two extremes you describe and most people would fall somewhere in the middle.

I was the oldest and was given a lot of responsibility as a child. I was very well-behaved—we all were—because there was a serious parental rage issue.

I guess I was in the middle somewhere. I was very shy all through school, until college, and have never liked confrontation. As far as I can remember, I was never purposefully mean or cruel to anyone.

The exception was my little brother. We were terrible to each other. I remember once, when I was about six or seven, I took a big screwdriver and gouged a hole in his bedroom wall. He was two. When my parents saw it, I swore up and down my brother did it. My dad took him into another room and started spanking him with his belt. I felt so terrible that I started crying. My guilt was very obvious, so they quickly got a confession out of me. I learned not to earn the belt after my dad’s wupp ass arm had already been warmed up. ouch

Even when we were older, my brother and I fought a lot. For quite a while I was bigger than him, and I was very mean. I’d pin him down and spit in his face. I’d dig my nails into his arms, hit him, and say the nastiest things I could think of. He’d put up a good fight, but it wasn’t until he was in middle school that he realized he was actually stronger than me. I had to change my tactics. I don’t know why we were so hateful to each other, but sometime when I was in college and he was in high school, we decided to be friends.

I still don’t think I have it in me to be nasty to someone, but I’m sure not saintly either. I’m a bit more likely to speak my mind, probably because of the influence of my husband. He’s a lot less worried about stepping on toes than I am.

Oh, I just thought of some other rotten things I did as a kid. Maybe I wasn’t so great. I’d pretend to run away, but hide on the roof of our house. Once I took a pair of scissors and cut little slits in several pieces of clothing in my mom’s closet. When she confronted me, I outright lied and actually got away with it. Sometimes I’d put this grumpy cat of ours into the rowboat, row out to the middle of the pond, and toss her into the water. She’d swim right back to shore, and I’d crack up laughing. I used to have swearing contests with my best friend on the grade school playground, and once I didn’t say anything when a friend of mine tried to get her little sister to drink pee by claiming it was lemonade. In fourth grade, I told a boy who was teasing me that he gave his mom a blow job. He was very confused, and probably suspected I didn’t really know what that meant. Waaaaaa! I was so rotten!!

I was neither and I still am. I’ve never been mean and cruel but, although I am kind, I have never been saintly.

When I was about 9 or 10 friends of my parents had twin boys who were about 11 or 12 and I would hang out with them. They were always nice and protective of me, little sister type scene, but they were holy terrors otherwise. So there was a boy that had the rep of being a sissy (not a pc term but that is what he was called) and the twins harassed this kid unmercifully. I was torn between my thrill of being accepted as part of the pack with the twins but hated the way they made this kid cry just for the hell of it. I did finally stop hanging out with the terrible twosome.

Years later in a counseling session I asked the shrink what he thought happened to the “sissy”, how he grew up. The shrink mentioned the name of a guy who was in a group with me. He was a good looking, maladjusted, addicted and totally furious 22 year old.
Made me feel badly about the bullying all over again.

So I guess guilt by association made me a bully for a while. I am a reasonably sensitive adult though. It was all part of who I became.

Is there more bullying today, is it more intense? Certainly seems as if I hear more about it. The kid I was talking about never made it onto the evening news.

I’ve never been a bully. You have to push me for me to get nasty towards you unless I have a dislike for you, which I didn’t have when I was a child
I used to get made fun of, but not until we moved and I went to a new elementary school. Before that, I was one of the “popular” people, but not in the exclusive popular sort of way. Me and my friends were just popular, but included everyone and never made fun of anyone. I think if I had stayed there, and continued the course I was going, my life and others probably would have been much different. Less cruelty.

I was always quiet. My Aunt was drunk the other night and telling me what a beautiful and quiet child I was, but when something got me going they couldn’t shut me up. And how they had to force me to even eat half a sandwich because I was tiny. The only bad thing I ever did was convince my cousin to stick a bead up his nose, we lived together and were young..probably 2nd and 1st grade. I of course stick one up my nose and get it stuck.

I never became cruel, since I was made fun of a lot. I usually stuck up for others, especially kids made fun of with physical issues…I remember this one boy with psoriosis. I felt terrible for him. But when I’d defend him he’d get nasty to me, so I stopped.
I did get mixed with a bad crowed in high school, but it was mainly just drugs…we didn’t do anything to others. I did call a girl fat once, because she was pissing me off…she beat the crap out of me. I was outspoken in high school and rebellious. More a brat towards authority than anything.
I think I’m still sort of the same way. I do have certain people I dislike but I wouldn’t say I hate them. I mean, I’ve done some crappy things to people….no ones a saint. But, I think overall I’m still the same good person.

I was saintly and kind as a child. As an adult, I’m now sagacious, honest to a fault, and compassionate.

Oh gosh childhood. So many good and way less then good memories. I would say I have definitely changed for the better. When I was kid I was very impressionable and that almost always hurt me in situations with my peers and other people. I cannot even count the number of times my beliefs and opinions have gotten me into trouble or, for lack of a better phrase, “unpleasant situations”. Whether it was my healthy lunches, spiritual outlook or dress I got teased and spit on, figuratively, by my peers. Now, though, I love my life and I am in control of myself. Although I still will occasionally receive nasty comments from peers I handle them much better and certainly don’t lapse into bouts of depression because of them. I think of myself as a strong and confident young woman in pursuit of her goals not a vulnerable little child.

I called things like i saw them. I felt honesty was more important than popularity. I often said things that weren’t popular with others. I despised political correctness.

This got me accusations of trolling even though i was sincere. Sometimes i was called an asshole.

No matter, my integrity is intact.

I wasn’t necessarily the bully, but I kicked ass when I needed to. I was the kid that beat up others in higher grade levels because they were either picking on kids in my grade, or trying to look tough. I would run up and down them if they towered over me with intimadation, or tryed to scare me. I don’t think I did it out of fear, I just knew I could for some reason. My mother told me all the time, “If they start it, you finish it”. So I did, but never too far (I don’t really enjoy confrontation, there really is no need for it. But I still like to be equiped because its a crazy world out there.) I am a very passive person, just don’t step to the plate without your head on right…I guess I haven’t changed much just by looking over all of that! Haha

I was somewhere in between. I wasn’t mean but I didn’t take shit off anyone either but ironically I was the kid who would always stand up for the underdog even if that meant I would utimately become one. I guess for the most part I’m the same.

I was a nice kid. I didn’t bully or tease people. There was one kid that was bullied and teased mercilessly from Kindergarten thru our Senior year. I was never a friend to him, but I was never cruel either. I see him from time to time now and will always stop and have a conversation with him. I wish I’d been nicer to him growing up.

In kindergarden, I was the kid that pushed you off the swings or the slide in recess when I wanted to get on. I was no “little angel” only when I wanted something. Now, I am the opposite. More quiet and calm. People used to tell me they remember when I did that.

I was fat and pusillanimous. Maybe that’s why I’m so grumpy now.

I was quiet, shy and nerdy, and always the new kid, so I was bullied. I was generally saintly and kind on the outside to try to keep the bullying from happening, but inside I was wishing early, exotic and painful deaths on my tormentors.

I am no longer shy and no longer the new kid, and no one bullies me (except sometimes the IRS) but I am still trying very hard to be saintly and kind. However, I will never go to any of my reunions. I really have no interest in seeing those people ever again.

Now that I am not so shy I am afraid I would be tempted to push them off the swings. And then laugh at them.

Depends on who I was dealing with. Mean, bastard people? They got the nasty me. People who were nice? They got the nice me.

Mostly I was nice girl who got along with everybody. I can remember one time when I was very little going along with some girls who were teasing a girl named Elizabeth, and to this day I feel badly about it. It never would have occured to me to be purposefully mean, bully, or tease someone. My mom says that I used to play and share with my sister quite willingly when we were young, although she says she used to catch me saying to her, “ok, you can play with, just stop asking, mommy hates noise,” lol. Growing up I was not bullied or teased much that I can remember.

Sorry for so many typos above, too early in the morning :).

I was a quiet and sensitive child. As a teen, I became abusive and mean, mostly to younger kids. I was a bully and a coward. I did terrible things, and there is no excuse for them, except that perhaps I was abused by others older than me when I was a child.

Hopefully I’ve grown to the point where I can accept who I am, as long as I don’t have to see how I was as a teen.

The fact that I was a rotten little fuck as an adolescent is one of the main reasons I never had kids of my own. There are other reasons, but you didn’t ask that, so I am not going to say. =)

@Darwin reunions are over-rated and a complete waste of time. I always said I’d go to my high school reunions if I wasn’t doing something else, like washing my truck or taking a nap. 30 years later, ain’t been to one yet.

I was a jerk when I was a child. Not even a bully, just mean. Even to my friends. I’d physically attack someone (nothing serious, but still) for slighting me in any way.

But once I hit puberty, I had an epiphany. That behavior won’t get me laid. My personality changed over night. I can still be a jerk, but I’m not punching people for making fun of a shirt or something like that.

Just curious, those of you who are self proclaimed mean kids and bullies, why did you do it?

@JLeslie I picked on younger kids because I was in turn picked on by older kids. Those with power abuse those with no power. Those with no power pick on those they have power over. It’s a vicious and shameful cycle.

My mom says that as as a toddler and a pre-schooler I was independent, quiet and not accepting of authority – that’s how I am now…though if you get me started, I will not be quiet…she also said that if I needed something, I’d figure out a way to get it, to steal it, to trick others, whatever…I would say that as an adult I am aware of my power of manipulation…and I rarely use it…in school I was made fun of for having glasses then for being the immigrant who didn’t speak English…I was always in love with school though and that’s the same now

@evelyns_pet_zebra That answer makes so much sense to me. This I think applies to corporal punishment also, which we are discussing on a different thread. I think the older kids can actually also be parents in your scenerio if they are overly abusive. Would you agree with that?

I was more of a quiet observer than anything.

I was Gallant, my brother was Goofus. Remember them ?

@filmfann I remember in the highlights books they had when I was in elementary school had a “modernized” version of them, but the were a lot sillier(is that a word?) looking.

Ah good Ol’ childhood….Sigh.
Well I was quiet and introverted for the most part until two occurrences, which were when I made friends and would open up to them, and the few times when some did try to bully me, in witch I would call them a particularly juicy name, and proceed to punch them in the face. The best example of this was when this kid who was a good foot taller than anyone else said something to me (Can’t remember what it was) to push me around so I hit him right in the nose. Kid backed off and I was went on with my day.

It generally went on like that where I was nice to those I was friendly with, a source of punches to the face and wrung necks to those who tried to fuck with me, and the Ideal student to the teachers because I was quiet, kept to myself in class and always had the answer (Or a good/near guess) when the teacher would call on me.Thus they were surprised and shocked somewhat when I would stick my fist in someone’s cheekbone. I stopped the hitting though after I slammed this kids head on an Iron door and had it to have sessions with the school therapist (Can’t remember if it was psychologist or psychiatrist.) I guess the point to my overly long answer was I didn’t allow people to bully me.

Oh and if anyone wants to know why I used violence, I figured anyone so stupid as to try to bully me would only have the capacity understand the bruises and words were wasted on Neanderthals. Kid thinking I guess.

I never thought of myself in those terms. I was told by my grandparents and other relatives that I was “very active”, and “very curious”. I also have many small scars from my misadventures. I also remember talking my way out of a fight with a bully that had me by 50 pounds, using a pogo stick until it melted and cracked, long bike rides, and hot summer days at the “Rainbow Gardens” swimming pool. I wasn’t that bad, but was no saint.

I did my best to do my best by those around me. I maintain that lifestyle to this day.

Saintly and quiet. The teacher’s pet. I could melt butter in your mouth. Lol.