What creates this "victim" mentality?

Look to his early years, if you can stand it. That’s when we are hard-wired.

Most likely a self-pity character . It’s psychological, I used to be like that but ever since I stoped thinking how unfortunate I was and started looking/actually helping out less fortunate, my self-pity diminishes.

We all need a source of power. Some people (your ex, my mother) derive their power by being a victim. These people seem to have very low self-esteem and are incapable of doing something productive in
many of their relationships. They also rarely accept responsibility for their own actions or choices.

Things happen to them. They may feel other people are out to get them or that life itself has it in for them.

In my mother’s case, it is part of her borderline personality disorder, but I have known other people like this who probably don’t have bpd.

I knew a person like that once. He actually sabotaged himself and when it worked he blamed the world, the weather, his boss- anyone but himself.

His father was the same way. The reason he was not successful was because “the man” kept him down.

Perhaps martyrdom and self-sabotage are traits we learn from our parents.

I had a former friend like this and she raised her kids to be just like her: they are always innocent victims, the world owes them a living, the government or the cops are always unfairly picking on them, they demand respect but don’t do a thing to earn it and they absolutely refuse to take responsibility for anything. What is most strange is I knew this woman’s mother and she was nothing at all like that, so I know she wasn’t raised that way. The woman has a history of long-term drug use which, I suppose, could be a contributor to, a result of, or perhaps is completely unrelated to this attitude. See ya….Gary/wtf

@cprevite Took the thoughts right out of my head – I could not have said it more eloquently.

@Disc2021: Why thank you. Here, now let me screw the top of your head back on.

Growing up with a single mom who had been physically and emotionally abused growing up , having her first husband cheat on her and then her taking her anger out on her children. Watching her play the victim as a child makes it easy to cry on cue and twist things around. Feel bad for me, they attacked me, I did nothing wrong. I don’t know what created your husband’s “victim mentality” but I know how I got mine. The mindset is to make the other person, you, feel guilty. If he makes you feel guilty then he’ll get his way. It’s a way of controlling people or getting them to do what you want.

It’s everyone else’s fault is much easier than it’s (partly) my own fault.

He’s your ex. There’s no benefit to you from understanding why he does the things he does. You’re best off just letting go.