Why do some people hate when people say "I love you" to them?

I don’t hate it, but on occasion it makes me uncomfortable. I think saying that to someone, or hearing it (even if it’s nothing romantic) makes a person feel vulnerable, and who really likes that feeling?

Maybe because they don’t believe the person saying it? Some people say I love you without really putting any thought into what they are actually saying to a person.

Wow, I’m not really sure since it seems like a really nice random act of kindness to me. Maybe they’re anti-social? I mean, if someone tells me they love me, I’m not going to scoff at it even if I’m more than a little curious as to why a total stranger is telling me that they love me. I probably won’t ever see the person again but at least I’ll know, for that infinitesimal amount of time, that I was loved by that person. That seems alright to me. And I’m probably reading much more into this question than I should be. Or not. By the way, I love you. I love all of you. Don’t be haters.

Probably they will only feel uncomfortable when someone who they don’t have reciprocal feeling for says it. It creates an onus on them to respond and they don’t have an honest response that won’t hurt.

I do not think they “hate” it but that it makes them feel awkward.

While some people say I love you without effort ( I have found a random act of kindness to a stranger can elicit such a response but then is more of an expression.) for others it signifies an intense emotion and is not trivial. Thus to state the words in itself is a commitment of sorts.

I am going to assume that you are sensing the awkwardness of not knowing how to properly respond when the levels of meaning are different.

Who’s moderating tonight? Please PM me. Thanks.

When I was younger, I had many boyfriends tell me they loved me… when I knew there was no way in hell it could be true. I hated that. I also had many boyfriends tell me they loved me and I believed them… but I didn’t love them back. I hated that, too.

@augustlan. You do know I love you right? RIGHT? =)

@Bluefreedom Right back atcha baby. ;-)

I feel very uncomfortable when my friend says this to me. She is just a friend and in a relationship. I think she should only say it to her partner and family. It’s just creepy.

I think there are a few reasons for people to dislike being told “I love you,” mostly psychological reasons. I do know one person that was beaten as a child, but his parents would tell him after the beating that it was god’s will and that “they loved him.” Naturally, he was emotionally conditioned to cringe every time someone told him they loved him– he associated it to the beatings.
Then of course, there are the people who believe it is still a strictly romantic phrase that should only be used with one’s SO or family, and get irritated when people toss the phrase around carelessly.

Our family had a life changing incident happen over 2 years ago that changed my whole perspective on telling someone that I love them. If you have any feelings for someone, tell them now. While they’re still here. There are many different kinds of love. It doesn’t just mean romantic love. I tell lots of people that I love them. Each person has their own kind of love going on from me.

Well, its not that we hate it .. we just feel uncomfortable, personally, I dont like it as most people misuse it, especially boys and media ! ” I love you” is supposed to be very very special not some random expression to pick up a girl or sell something ! I’d rather someone show me they love me in someway than telling me that he loves me, but hey thats only me !

Aside from a handful of people on Fluther that annoy the crap out of me, I love all y’all!

@Bluefreedom you already know why I love you, buddy. I salute you with the utmost respect a civilian can do so.

Most of the time it’s because the person saying “I love you” has underlying feelings not reciprocated by the person receiving those words. You can say you mean it platonically but if there’s a deeper feeling then it will be sniffed out and that makes people skitchy and on-the-spot to not say something disappointing or hurtful in return.

I wouldn’t say I hate hearing it; however, depending on the level of closeness I have with a person, it might make me uncomfortable if he said it. Especially in a situation like the one @hungryhungryhortence described. If someone likes me more than I like them, I always get uncomfortable when they say something like this, or tell me I’m cute or whatever. I don’t want to upset them, but I don’t want to lead them on. It’s awkward.

It gets used too much by people who don’t mean it or who use it just to get something from someone.

The phrase is hugely overused, and if it is said without the appropriate meaning attached then it is awkward and degrades the phrase of its true meaning. I only use that phrase (and only ever have) with one person besides my parents, and we use the phrase sparingly. I have never used the phrase with previous girlfriends, because although we were close it was never love. Love is a powerful thing, and overuse of the term makes light of the issue. My girlfriend knows I love her, and that knowledge is enough for all but the most poignant of moments.

There are several different kinds of “I love you.” One is the kind you say to children or parents. It can be a habit, and while it is meaningful, it does not carry the same oomph as it might if you were saying it to a new relationship partner. Some families do say it and others don’t. However, if you come from a family that doesn’t say it, then you might hate it when you hear others saying it.

There’s the “I love you” between couples who have been together for many years. It, too, can be reflexive. Almost like saying “good bye.” It’s just a reminder of a feeling, and again, some people might hate it because they think it is such a special thing it shouldn’t be tossed off so easily.

The “I love you” said, with emotion, for the first time puts a lot of pressure on the other person. As others have said—if there is no reciprocation—well, that can be deadly. It is certainly very, very awkward. So people might hate it because it can not be reciprocated.

Then again, you can say “I love you” as a gift. It can be said to anyone, and it means you love the person, although not in a romantic way. It’s a way of saying the person is very important to you. Some people might hate this because they can’t do it. They might think “I love you” should be reserved for only very special circumstances. Saying it to friends somehow cheapens it.

The last “I love you” I’m going to talk about is the “I love you, man” sort. It’s a cliche now, but it conjures up images of drunkenness and the difficulty men have expressing strong feelings for each other in certain cultures. Again, people might hate it because it is cliched and it somehow makes a mockery of the sentiment. It’s a form of irony.

I guess, in the end, it’s about not cheapening the sentiment. Saying it too often or in too many contexts can seem wrong to some people. Saying it in very special circumstances when it is not reciprocated feels wrong. For some people, not saying it enough feels bad. And perhaps for all, the feeling that you have to reflexively say the same thing back can be annoying, since you really have little choice in the matter.

My ex-boyfriend of 6 always insisted on saying “I love you” at least 50 times a day…it was like a “hello” in it’s usage. I was raised to think those words were a big deal. He pressured me despite knowing some issues in the past I’ve had to deal with. This wasn’t the only thing he tried to get me to do that I did whenever I meant it. Turns out once he tried to change me I caught him online trying to meet local hookers while we were discussing wedding plans. Now I hate those words and think men should be banned from saying them but rather forced to show it.

Because it means “I want to own you”.

@gina13 Not for most people. Love is meant to be built on mutual respect.

@gina13L Not for most people. Anyone’s who’s had love at least once knows it feels quite the opposite, like suddenly you’re secure and free and no longer second guess everything around you, make you less clingy and demanding. Love is a wonderful balm- when you’ve got it reciprocated.

I honestly hate hearing I love you because I used to think it was suppose to mean that person wants me to be happy but now I am being convinced that it means they hate to see me enjoy life and will do anything to ruin any kind of fun