Generally when you marry, you promise exclusivity, so that kind of rules out multi-somes. If you aren’t promising exclusivity, then that better be clear in your vows. Or at least in your private vows if you can’t go public with it. And if you don’t promise exclusivity in marriage, I hope you have had experience with it before you get married, so you know what it feels like and have some idea of what it means.
That means it’s better to try it out when you’re single. If you wait until you’re married, it can put enormous pressure on your marriage, especially if one of you likes it and the other doesn’t. In far too many cases, the husband is pressuring the wife to do this kind of thing, and the wife gives in even though she really doesn’t want to, just to please the husband.
But sex means more than just sex, in my opinion. I think people are fooling themselves when they believe they can just hook up and it don’t mean shit. That’s just me. There was a time when I believed you could love more than one person. Still, I met a woman who I believed I could make the promise of exclusivity to. I turned out to be wrong about that, but I’m trying again. It’s a struggle for me, and that means that there is something incomplete about our relationship. I hope we can fix it, and I’m working hard on that, but it’s really tough for me.
If you want to try it, I’d do it while single. Less is at stake, but there is still a lot at stake. I would do it with people I really cared about, not with fuck buddies or worse, strangers. I would do it with a group of people who all cared about each other fairly seriously. I would discuss the meaning before I started. I would want us all to agree on what we are doing before we do it. It’s not something I would want to do on a lark, or while drunk. It’s serious shit, and I think it should be treated that way.
I’m not saying it shouldn’t be done. I tried it, and I learned a lot from it. I didn’t do it the way I’m describing it, but I didn’t know enough to do it that way. It did cause one of my friends to freak out, so it ended rather unpleasantly. I remember that I was doing it with a friend, and I looked up to watch my girlfriend doing it with some other guy, and it was really weird. I never had the desire to do it again. It had its good points and its bad points. I’m glad I had the experience. I wouldn’t want to do it again unless I were in a poly relationship.
I’m not sure how @Simone_De_Beauvoir works her relationships. I don’t know how common it is to be in multiple situations as compared to fluctuating dyads. If I were going to do it, I’d want to read some books about it first. If I were married, I’d be having some heavy duty conversations with my spouse first.
So, @sandystrachan, how did your conversation with your friends come out?
Composing members:
0
Composing members:
0
