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La_chica_gomela's avatar

"A wedding is the bride's day" -- is this statement unfair? Is it sexist?

Asked by La_chica_gomela (12537points) September 25th, 2009

When discussing weddings, it seems there are a few oft-repeated phrases we hear over and over again: “weddings are about the bride” or “The wedding is the bride’s day”

Is this unfair? Is it sexist to think this way?
What’s your opinion?

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23 Answers

BBSDTfamily's avatar

Of course it’s not just the bride’s day, but this statement is just describing a stereotypical bride. A lot of the time the bride plans the wedding, the bride gets all involved, and the groom steps back and lets her take over. It’s not unfair, sexist, etc. It’s just a statement that accurately describes many weddings in the sense that the bride put all the planning into the ceremony while the groom isn’t as concerned with the details of the ceremony.

My husband definitely fit this statement- anytime I asked his opinion on colors, food, etc. he would say, “This is your wedding, do whatever you want.” Ha ha.

DarkScribe's avatar

No it isn’t sexist – it is very true. The minutia of the wedding is something that can enthrall a bride while most guys have little real interest in anything other than the fact of it.

PC attitudes and equality sometime takes things way too far.

holden's avatar

My wedding is going to be astronaut-themed. Just sayin’.

whatthefluther's avatar

Just take a look at a magazine rack….I’ll bet you won’t find any magazines tailored to grooms but then, I’ve not looked at a magazine rack in some time, so I’ll have to reconsider the bet part or at least require odds
See ya….Gary/wtf

Jack79's avatar

Well I don’t see why it would be sexist. It is the bride’s day. It’s all about what she wants and what she dreamt and has nothing to do with marriage itself (unfortunately). It’s a big party to please the bride before you turn her into your slave for life. Or at least that’s how it’s supposed to be, because now brides refuse to become slaves and a year after that one big party they go file for a divorce so they can have another big party with someone else and so on.

And yes, there are exceptions of women who see their wedding day as the first day of the rest of their lives. And who try to plan it with the groom, and not despite him. Just like there are men who don’t get married in order to find free food waiting at home and someone to iron their shirts. But these stereotypes still exist.

Unfortunately most girls dream about their weddings for so long (long before they meet their husbands) that they know exactly how they want them, and have planned every little detail, except who the groom should be. To the point where the groom (which is the guy who’s supposed to be snoring next to you for the next 60 years) becomes irrelevant. He might as well not show up for the wedding and no one would notice!

Yes, my wedding was a horrible experience which didn’t even please my wife (it was all about her mother). But it was supposed to be the doorway to a better life, with a woman I loved. We split up a year later.

oratio's avatar

I think it depends on who you ask, and who is getting married. I have dreamt of marriage my whole life. For me it’s our day.

fathippo's avatar

I think it’s kinda depressing when I’ve heard people say that they dreamed about their ‘perfect wedding’ with all big dresses and glitter and flowers etc etc since they were young. (I know not everyone Im just thinking of what I heard some people say…)
But i dunno I guess there is a lot more to the universe than getting married and all that, yet from when you’re a kid people are always saying ‘wait til you’re married etcetc’ it’s like it’s what’s expected of you, and this whole massive thing is made of something that not everyone wants anyway, and in the scale of everything, really doesn’t seem to matter… if you see what i mean, and i strayed too much… sorry =)

PandoraBoxx's avatar

The bride is the center of attention at the wedding because it’s a rite of passage into adulthood. It’s one time when people make a big fuss over you. Then you have your first child, and people make a fuss over your pregnancy. After that, you become your mother and disappear into the woodwork. No one makes a fuss over you again unless you have an actual accomplishment.

sakura's avatar

I think that a wedding should be about 2 people celebrating their love for one another in front of people they care about and who care bout them. It shouldn’t be just about one person. It takes two to have a succesful marriage and the day should be about celebrating that partnership and the strenth they get from one another.

Our wedding was for everybody to enjoy and hopefully they did…. No bridzilla here!

cookieman's avatar

Statements like that are perpetuated by the Wedding Industry that both takes its cue from and reinforces the fairy-tale bride stereotype. A stereotype that is drilled into little girls starting with their first Disney movie (which also tells them they must be thin and pretty).

With that kind of brainwashing and build-up since childhood, it’s no wonder some turn into Bridezillas (have you seen the show?).

It’s up to parents to offer some balance to these stereotypes.

And no, it’s not true in all cases. I was very involved in planning our wedding. It was certainly my day too.

filmfann's avatar

Girls obsess about their wedding day. They spend years thinking about every little detail. Guys only obsess that way about cars.
Oops, my stereotype alarm just went off!

cwilbur's avatar

I don’t think the statements are unfair or inaccurate—they’re an accurate representation of the way that many people think. They are sexist, but a lot of wedding lore and traditions are extremely sexist.

However, believing them is a recipe for Bridezilla-style disasters.

Judi's avatar

When I was planning my wedding with my first husband he got all “But what about what I want?” on me.
I explained to him that I had been planning that day my entire life. I asked how much time he had spent dreaming about his wedding and he admited he hasent given it much thought until just then. He graciously didn’t argue with me anymore and still offered his opinion when asked.
It’s not sexist, it’s just being respectful of each others histories and priorities.

casheroo's avatar

I think it’s sort of true, because it seems more women think about their wedding day even before getting engaged and it’s not something men usually think too deep into, until they are engaged and in the process of planning.

In my personal opinion, I do believe the wedding means more to the woman because she put more thought into it (of course this is not the case for ALL women) It’s usually a day the woman has dreamed about. I don’t know of any guys who tell me they can’t wait to get married and what kind of suit they want to wear…. But, in the end, the wedding day is just any other day in the marriage.

ABoyNamedBoobs03's avatar

by nature it’s usually a bigger deal for the bride than the groom. it probably goes back to evolutionary biology and the females desire to have one committed partner for life as opposed to the male searching for as many partners as they can find. sexist? I don’t really think so, perhaps a little dated though.

Sarcasm's avatar

TV shows tell me it’s true, and TVs don’t lie.
The wife makes a big fuss, wants hubby to help out, hubby is somehow an idiot for picking the wrong color plates and silverware, wife says “Stay out of it!”, hubby does so because men don’t give a damn about such minute details.

The only wedding I’ve actually been to is my brother’s, which was a very low-scale one with just closest family and friends, 25 or so people. It was definitely more about her, but not to an extreme.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@DarkScribe lol, just because something is true and represents reality for the most part, doesn’t mean it’s not sexist..

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@PandoraBoxx and that’s quite sad that for women there are so few times when they get fussed over and I wish more women lived their life for successes and didn’t see marriage or kids as the end and be all and I wish they didn’t feel as if after their first child, that’s it.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

This is just one of those things that is common in our society – it is common to think that the wedding day is for the bride, that it’s all about how she looks and how the place look sand how the flowers and napkins look – that’s because, in our society, the niche of physicality and looks and how attractive things are is the niche of women and that’s the sexist part – weddings should be for both partners and their families, both partners should provide input – I’ve been married twice and both time my fiancees and I discussed everything together…my second wedding was a lot less conventional and way happier…I think people, okay, some women spend a lot of time and energy and money on one day when marriage is a lot more than the wedding today and you don’t even really remember that day so much or the pictures after awhile and life can and does go on…I know many couples where the bride didn’t monopolize on all the decision making…however, I think, it’s important to mention that the reason for some women beign so territorial is that in life they don’t feel they get all that many chances to get to feel in control or empowered, which is just wrong

poofandmook's avatar

I know I’ve been planning my wedding since I was young… but my boyfriend and I talk about what our wedding will be like all the time. He has ideas about what he wants, but for the most part, he just wants to agree with what I want, or come to a compromise. He has definite feelings about the month, and where, and who, and he actually said he would prefer a different flower choice and he basically said no to what I wanted sprinkled by the flower girl on the aisle. And I respect his choices on that, because I know for the most part, he’s going to do what makes me happy as long as he doesn’t really dislike it.

I should note that we just know right now we want to get married, and we would if he wasn’t so far away, but I’m not engaged.

And interestingly enough, after I’ve planned that day my whole life, now that I’ve found him, I am entirely willing to go get married at the courthouse, just so long as I’m with him. I actually suggested we elope while he’s here in December, But he said he knows that somewhere in my heart, there would be that tiny little voice wishing I’d had the traditional wedding I’ve always dreamed about.

So, at least in my case, the wedding won’t be just about me.

Dr_C's avatar

The wedding may be the bride’s day.. but in my experience the wedding reception is for the guests… the bride and groom have to work the tables and be gracious hosts…

PandoraBoxx's avatar

I personally dislike going to weddings. The ones that I’ve really enjoyed have been morning-early afternoon events, with the bride in a simple dress, the groom in a suit, and a maid of honor/best man, with 25–50 guests.

seazen's avatar

Sexist, but true. And we could give a shit about the wedding, dresses and napkin colour anyway – so knock yourselves out, girls; but pass the beer – you’re blocking the TV.

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